Victim or Victor?

Today has been a better day. My depression is finally lifting and I've started to work on my book. Some exciting things are happening in my life which I'm really excited about. Things seemed to turn around this morning.

It's a beautiful day here in Florida...

Even the flowers are out in full bloom...

In preparation for my book, I have been reading through past emails and diary entries. I came across this, which I really wanted to share. I wrote this a few months after my suicide attempt and it really spoke to me just now when I read it. Because we all have issues that we face in our lives, there comes a point in time when we either give in to those challenges or we stay focused on the positive, fighting through each day through the strength of God.


I went through a long period of time where I hated my life and all the crap in it. I mean, really... I thought I was the only one in my high school with real issues like abuse, homelessness, suicide, drugs, alcoholics in the family. I felt like nobody else had it worse off than me. I was angry at God for letting me go through all of this stuff.

But I hit kind of a turning point where I realized that I could either mope around and feel sorry for myself or I could be an example for others who are struggling and give glory to God and praise Him in the storms. I also realized that I was not the only one who has issues. I mean, really, everyone has their own issues. Nobody leads a perfect life... At my college, barely anyone knows about my past or even that I have PTSD, because I don't want peoples' pity...I am not sorry anymore that I went through so many struggles, because God is using me.

I think that's the moment that I became a victor instead of a victim. I mean, to me, someone who is a victor celebrates their life, even the hard times. They know that God is in their lives and no matter how hard life gets, God loves them and will be there for them. I mean, I was a "victim" of abuse, homelessness, losing my brother to suicide, neglect, but look at how these things have shaped me into who I am today. I would not be the strong and empathetic person I am today without those situations. God has a reason for everything and he had a reason for everything and he had a reason for letting those things happen to me. By going through all those struggles, God has given me an opportunity to be an example and a witness to others going through the same struggles... I think the moment we switch from being a victim to being a victor is the moment that we realize that all the struggles in our life can be turned into something beautiful for the glory of God.