A Walk around the Lake: Part 2

Today is the Mental Health Month Blog Day, in which bloggers everywhere are contributing posts to increase mental health awareness. This is my contribution:

Lately, I have truly been overwhelmed by the ways that God is healing me. God is renewing me, restoring me and refreshing my life in so many ways and on so many levels. Everywhere I go, it seems that God teaches me something new about me, Himself and the world. It's so overwhelming how much I am learning but I will try to post as much as I can.

A few days ago, I realized something. Something amazing. I realized that I walked by a police car without thinking they were after me. I walked by it with no thought, other than the fact that it was a police car. My mind wasn't running a mile a minute. Anxiety wasn't running high. It was just a cop car. I hope you realize how monumental this is. Many of you know that I suffer from schizoaffective disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

For the past few months, I have been afraid that the FBI was after me. Honestly, I am amazed that I was even able to get my schoolwork done. I was afraid of every cop car. I cringed every time one went by me. At one point, I even went to the police to ask if they were after me. Paranoia can make you do wild things. Trust me. I have more stories from where that came from.

But as I walked by the police car, I felt a sense of peace and calm. I didn't realize how accustomed I had become to my paranoia. It was just something I dealt with, just like the endless flashbacks I deal with on a daily basis. I have not dealt with the paranoia just for the past few months, but for the past few years. The earliest paranoia I can remember was in my junior year of college, around the time of my attempt. Back then, I had the same paranoid thoughts that the police were after me and that I was being followed by the FBI. As I realized that the paranoia is gone, I felt such a relief. It is so freeing not to think everyone is conspiring against me.

I went to the pond yesterday and I did something that I haven't done in a long time. I went on the swings.

While I was swinging, I listened to music. As I rocked back and forth, I realized how fortunate I am. I don't know when my next "paranoid or psychotic attack" will come, but I made a promise to myself that I will live each day to the fullest. I will live each day as if it were my last. As my mind is battling constantly between mental illness and normalcy, I want to make sure that each day I embrace life as it comes. I want to have fun, instead of letting the mental illness rule me. Mental illness isn't the end of the world and I am slowly learning to live with it. It is not the end of the world. This life comes with many challenges, but we always press forward in the hope that comes from God.

I took another walk around the lake this morning so I have more photos to share. 

The first is of a tree with vines around it. Vines always remind me of the John 15:5: "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (NIV)

As Christians we are called to be with God in a constant relationship. But as we all know, there are rough times in our lives when we don't feel as close to God as we do at other times. But God is still at the center of our lives, cheering us on, holding our hand and helping us through. Even when He seems distant, He is within us and around us every second, every minute, every hour, every day and every year of our lives.

The next picture shows a path being lit up by the sun while everything around it is dark. In many ways, I feel that this represents how we live on this earth. There is a lot of darkness in our world, but on the cross, Jesus showed us the path we are to take. In all of the darkness, there is a path lit up by the Light of the world. We have hope because of Him. Because of Him, we press forward into the lit path. No matter how dark life seems, there is always a path through the darkness.

The next photo shows the sun shining through a tree and the sun's reflection on the water. To me, it shows how the light of God shines through our darkest times and in turn, we are able to reflect God's grace, love, hope and peace to others. Through God, we have the power to transform the world around us. Through us, the hope of God can light up this world.

The next photo shows the blinding power of the light. It is supposed to represent how truly transformative and powerful the light of God is in our lives. His light and love have the power to overcome anything in our way. I know this on a personal level because God has carried me through unspeakable and difficult circumstances. I am here because of what God has done in my life. I want to spread His truth because I know the power that lies within it.

The last photo is of a reflection of the sun on a window. To me, this signifies the blending of the light of God into our every day lives- into our churches, into our schools, into our workplaces. The light of God isn't just something you find on Sunday morning; it is something you find everywhere and in everyone around you. It is within each of us.

Allow the light of God to shine within you and in every crevice of your life. Allow it to spread throughout this world...