Race Against Time

We have choices to make in this life. But sometimes we are dealt difficult things that come whether or not we like it. One of those things for me is having schizoaffective disorder and PTSD. Neither is curable. But for each disorder, there are steps that I can take to alleviate the symptoms.

I have battled PTSD for 11 years, since the age of 13. I was first given the "possible" diagnosis of bipolar disorder when I was 16. I have been battling the symptoms of both disorders for many, many years.

But as I say...

Never, ever give up and always, always move forward.

Even if you have to take baby steps or slowly put one foot in front of the other.

Sometimes you even have to crawl.

I have been telling myself this for the past few weeks and it's helped me to stay strong in the face of many difficulties. I don't know what is going to happen with my disorders and often, I feel like it's a race against time until my disorder gets too bad to handle and I may end up in an institution. My disorders continue to get worse and worse, despite treatment.

That scares me.

Dealing with mental illnesses can be scary.

But that is exactly why I feel so called to trust God- to trust that He has a plan greater than anything I can imagine.

This life is going to be hard. It is extremely difficult at times. But we have a God who can control everything. And that is what makes life worth living. That is why I continue to fight, despite everything getting worse.

That is exactly why I just gave my doctor a call and I am waiting for a call back to see if they can increase one of my medications.

I'm not giving up and I'm not giving in.

No way.

Never give up. Keep fighting. Keep moving forward. Keep taking baby steps.

One step in front of the other.

I have made the choice that no matter what comes my way, no matter what disorders I am diagnosed with, how many flashbacks I have each day, or how paranoid or psychotic I become, I am not going to give up.

This life is worth living, even on the darkest days.

I have made the choice to live each day to the fullest. To make the most of every day I have.

Take each day as it comes, day by day.

Get up and face each morning. Get up and start again each day. Each day is an opportunity. Each day is a tremendous blessing and an opportunity to be a blessing to others.

One of my best friends texted me a verse yesterday and it was exactly what I needed to hear.

"What shall we then say to these things? 

If God be for us, who can be against us?"

-Romans 8:31 (KJV)

No matter how scared I become, I know that God holds my tomorrow. He holds my life in His hands and that means more than words can say. I have hope because of God. If I didn't have faith in God, I would be long gone. It is because of God that I continue to move forward.

Whatever you're facing today, get up and meet the challenges. Because I can personally say that I have learned more about God and experienced Him more through my challenges than through anything else. He works miracles through the challenges we face.

No matter how difficult challenges become, God can use them and transform them into blessings.

Just keep swimming...