The Synchronization of Change

Lately I have been reading a lot of research papers in order to prepare a paper for one of my classes. The papers have been on various studies that looked at the synchronization and desynchronization of neural signals.

When our neural signals are synchronized and working together, the signals are amplified. However, when the signals are desynchronized, there are a lot of issues, such as disorders like schizophrenia and Alzheimer’s. There is a lot of chaos in desychronization.

I was thinking about this phenomenon on a personal level. When things in my life seem chaotic and my life seems like it is in a million scattered pieces, I don’t function well. Currently, I am trying to integrate the two major parts of my life- the very successful person who has made an impact in the world and the very deeply hurt child who wants to heal. Because my life is kind of split, it has caused a lot of chaos in my life. I believe that with the integration of the parts of my life, my life will, in essence, be amplified. My message of hope and healing to others will be amplified.

I also thought about this with respect to our world as a whole. Watch the news and you are bombarded with news that shows that our world is scattered. People are killed every day, intentionally and unintentionally. People are hurting. People die from hunger and thirst. Women.  Men. Children. Our world as a whole is hurting.

And that is where unity comes in. It is in our unity that we can find peace.

“For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;  if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach;  if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

-Romans 12:4-8 (NIV)

We all have gifts, whether or not you are Christian. We all have talents that we can use to make this world a better place. But it takes each one of us to make this world more peaceful.

I am frustrated with the news. I am frustrated that everywhere I turn, there is bad news. I am frustrated that women are raped, that people are judged incorrectly, that there is not more justice and truth in our world. I am frustrated that our world is not more peaceful. I truly have a dream for a more peaceful nation and world. I have a dream that we will unite, not just as Christians, but as people. I have hope that this every person on this world will feel loved, appreciated and accepted.

It takes each one of us to turn this chaos into beauty.

My question to you is: will you join me?

It does not take much to make someone’s day. A simple smile can make someone’s day. A simple five minute conversation can tell someone that they matter and that you care about them.

If we want the world to change, we must stop the cycle and learn from our past. We need to stop the chaos and the desynchronization in our world. During the learning process, neural signals are strengthened through synchronization and coherence. Response times for various tasks are shortened.

In the same way, we need to look back on all of the negative events in our world and learn from them so that we can not only respond quicker, but that we can use the learning process to move forward into a more peaceful world.

If we really want the world to change, we need to unite. Our signals inside of us need to be synchronized. Our signals towards each other need to be synchronized. I have had enough of the desynchronization and chaos. We need to unite together.

This world needs to change.

The Long Road to a Small Victory

I did something today that was terrifying for me, but it was a major leap forward.

As I’ve been posting about over the past few days, my anxiety has increased. This morning, I was still very hypervigilant, so I decided to go to the butterfly exhibit after going to work for a few hours. As I was there, I sketched this picture. I do not draw a lot at all, but when I do, I find it very therapeutic and calming.

After going to the butterfly exhibit, I took my first big step. I called the doctor’s office which I am supposed to go to in about a month for my first appointment to try to see if they could increase my medication dose. However, they said that they could not do anything and I was told that the only way that I could have my medications adjusted was to go to the Emergency Room.

When I heard this, my heart started racing even more. Every possible awful scenario went through my head. If I go, then I’ll be stuck there for a week and then I’ll be forced to go on a medical leave and then I’ll end up homeless with nowhere to go and basically…my life will cease to exist.

As this cycling of thoughts happened, I realized that there was another side. There was a great possibility that I could go and that I would not end up staying. I realized that if I did not go to the ER to get my meds adjusted today, then the anxiety very well could continue to worsen. I realized that if I “nipped it in the bud” now, then I may be able to stop it from getting to a point in which I would be forced to stay in the hospital.

So I walked to the ER…

As they took my vitals, my blood pressure was abnormally high. Everybody at the hospital was very nice. I ended up being in and out of the ER in just over three hours. My medication was slightly adjusted and we talked about a plan in case my anxiety gets worse again. 

As I walked out of the ER, I felt like a huge burden had been lifted.

I texted a few people to let them know what happened (I only let one person know I went to the ER). I was searching Google Maps to see if I could find a nearby pharmacy and something pretty funny happened. For some reason, when I typed in “CVS,” Google Maps gave me a route from where I was to about five states away. Yeah, Google... I'm in the mood to walk thousands of miles to a pharmacy right after spending a few hours in an ER. Right.

As I thought about it, I laughed but then something occurred to me.

Sometimes, it takes a very long time to move forward. Sometimes we have to go a very long route or we have to wait a very long time in order to take very big leaps forward in our lives. It seems like the negativity never ends. The difficulties will never cease. There will always be mountains to climb. Sometimes that long route may seem extremely frustrating, but when we finally look back on everything we have endured and overcome, it is incredibly satisfying as we take the major steps forward necessary to live a fulfilling life.

Having mental illnesses is not easy. Not only because it is chronic and I have to deal with it every day. But because many people around me do not know what to say or do. I do not want pity. I do not want attention. I just want to move forward and become a whole person. There are many stigmas about mental illness that I and millions of other people have to deal with. I think that many people do not understand it so they try to avoid it.

But I am a human being, just like everybody else. I may have days when I think the FBI is after me or my doctor is Michelle Obama, but there are days when I wake up and I make a difference in the world and in the lives of those around me. Yes, some days are worse battles than others, but who of us can say that everything is easy? We all have struggles.

Part of writing this blog is to help others understand not only how my faith has helped me overcome huge obstacles and struggles in my life, but also to share my healing journey with others. Sometimes out of the most difficult things we are faced with in life come the greatest triumphs. I want others to know that no matter what struggles we have to deal with in this life, there is hope. And sometimes that hope rises after the storm.

Today was a victorious day for me...

So I leave you with this song.

Faith in the Storm

“Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” 

–Matthew 16:24 (KJV)

As I continue to open up about my faith and the obstacles that I have had to face to get to where I am now, I have faced a lot of opposition. Lately, it feels like people, especially those who do not believe in God, are questioning everything I talk about regarding my faith.

I have talked to friends from all different faiths throughout my life, because I do not believe in blindly following something, especially someone or something I cannot see. I also love to learn more about different cultures and how different people live.

Many people think that once you surrender your life to God, your life will all of a sudden become super easy. Money will start pouring in from nowhere. Success will be yours.

However, as someone who has believed in God throughout my entire life, I can say that I feel like sometimes the struggles become greater when you surrender to God.

I believe that it’s not because He’s a terrible God. I actually think it’s because He knows what He is doing, even when it seems like He doesn't. I completely believe that He gives us challenges to mold us into who He wants and needs us to be. I want to share some of my favorite Bible passages that speak about how God works in our lives through the obstacles we face.

“Count it all joy, my brethren, when ye fall into various temptations, knowing that the proving of your faith works endurance. But let endurance have [its] perfect work, that ye may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” 

–James 1:2-4 (Darby)

“Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ” 

-1 Peter 1:6-7 (KJV)

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” 

-2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (KJV)

“we also boast in tribulations, knowing that tribulation works endurance; and endurance, experience; and experience, hope; and hope does not make ashamed, because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by [the] Holy Spirit which has been given to us.” 

–Romans 5:3-5 (Darby)

God does not promise us an easy life. Jesus did not have an easy life either. He was persecuted, mocked, ignored, ridiculed, tested, bruised, broken and murdered so that we could be free. He was betrayed by one of his followers, Judas. He loved everyone, even those who hurt him deeply.

I believe that God allows certain things to happen in our lives and some of those things are evil because we live in a broken world. However, God helps us to get through the challenges and obstacles. He gives us everything we need to get through them, especially the strength that only comes from Him.

I would not be here without His strength in my life. I would not be typing this blog post. It is only by His strength that I wake up each morning and fight through another day, even when it feels like I have no strength left.

Through the challenges, we grow and learn so much more than if we had not gone through those challenges. As we go through the painful moments, sometimes it is so difficult to see what God is going to do through the storms. But He is always with us, especially in the storms of life. We never are alone.

It takes faith in the storms to keep going, to believe that a better day is on its way.

Ultimately, we know that good will overcome and be triumphant. Jesus conquered sin, death and evil on the cross. No matter how many evil things happen in our lives, we know that good will win. 

Because it already has.

With our faith, there is nothing that we cannot do.

The Long Journey

“If we will not wait, we will not receive the many blessings the Lord intends for us. The Lord is not a God of quick fixes and fifteen-minute spiritual tune-ups, but a God of long-term, and indeed eternal promises.” 

- Thomas D. Williams, Can God Be Trusted?

I have had many points in my life in which I was frustrated about how long it seemed that God was taking to answer my prayers.

Growing up, I was and still am the only person in my family who has not dealt with drug or alcohol addiction. As I watched drugs and alcohol tear my family apart, I spent countless hours praying and reading Scripture. I cannot even begin to tell you how many prayers I said for each of my family members.

Recently, my family has begun to come together and overcome the addictions. As frustrating as it was to pray for many years, it is very encouraging how far my family members have come.

However, my oldest brother committed suicide in 2007. After years of dealing drugs, spending many hours in various prisons across the East Coast and with the FBI after him at one point, he gave up the fight.

So did God not answer my prayers?

I believe He answered my prayers in an unexpected way. God used his death to do something wonderful…

His death brought my family together. Not just my immediate family, but my external family on my mother’s side, who had not talked to each other in many years.

God truly can take the worst situations and make something great out of them. Often, though, this is a very long process. I spent most of my life praying for my family and just in recent years, I have seen my prayers being answered.

I have been hospitalized nine times in the past seven years. In that same time, my doctors gave me 14 different medications. During my most recent hospitalizations, I had almost given up hope on my doctors ever finding the right medication.

But once again, God answered my prayers, even though it took seven years. The medication I am currently on has had very positive effects on me. I sleep better.  I think more clearly. I eat better. I am able to control my emotions easier. I am able to concentrate.

As frustrating as it is to wait for God to answer our prayers, when the victory comes, it is felt even stronger. The darker the pit, the more glorious the light of God looks. The more time we spend in despair, the more our hearts are full of joy when God's love shines through.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Facing the Giants. In this movie, a football coach faces various obstacles but he finds faith in God throughout the movie. At the end of the movie, one of his biggest prayers is answered. In a few words, he summarizes what it is like when God answers our prayers, no matter how long we have to wait: God, I’m overwhelmed.

One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Psalm 40:1-3

“I waited patiently for the Lord; 

and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. 

He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, 

out of the miry clay, 

and set my feet upon a rock, 

and established my goings. 

And he hath put a new song in my mouth, 

even praise unto our God: 

many shall see it, and fear, 

and shall trust in the Lord.” 

–Psalm 40:1-3 (KJV)

I promise that if you wait for God to answer your prayers, knowing that He never gives up on you or abandons you, He will surprise you. He not only answers prayers but sometimes He answers prayers in a completely different way than you expected… most often much better than you expect.

Will you wait for His answers? What will you do as you wait?