Beautiful Friendships

"I know that I was pulled from despair by the love of strangers who quickly became friends."
-Courage to Change, Feb. 11 Devotion

I have made quite a few friends since I came home to NJ a few months ago. Every day, I go to my friend's store (she owns the store) and meet up with a few friends to eat lunch together. I run some errands for a friend. We laugh and tell stories together. Lately, I've been reading a Chicken Soup book to them. I am so grateful to them for the time we spend together. I couldn't imagine being alone now that I feel the love that they show towards me.

I also have friends who live nearby and I go to their house usually in the afternoon to watch the Olympics together. There are four of them who live in a house together. I love visiting them and watching together. We laugh together and just enjoy each other's company.

It is interesting that we used to be strangers but we definitely all quickly became friends. I even remember seeing one of my friends around the lake before I finally met them and now we are really good friends.

Needless to say, I am extremely fortunate to have the friends that I do. They make every day fun and full of joy. It is an absolute blessing to be their friend.

Icing on the Cake

Yesterday lived up to my dreams, actually beyond my dreams.

I visited my brother, as planned, and he is doing much better. I had a wonderful visit with him, full of nonstop laughter, smiles and hugs. It was absolutely delightful.

Then last night, I went to my friends' house. We hung out and watched the Superbowl. Two of my friends and I were rooting for the Seattle Seahawks and two other people at the house were rooting for the Broncos (not happily, of course).

We had so much food last night I think that I will be full for a few days. Seriously. We had Chex Mix, chips, hot wings, sausage bread, pasta and sausage, sausage and spinach pie, and to top it off, Smores (my favorite). Every time I turned around I had a new plate in front of me. It got to the point that I literally could not eat anymore. It seemed like we had two courses every quarter.

I am so blessed to have these friends and that my brother is getting better. My brother told me I'm his best friend a few days ago. We are incredibly close and we talk at least once a day (most times, twice a day).

One of the things I am most excited about is the fact that none of my friends here in town drink. I was not pressured at all to drink. We had a ton of fun without drinking, just sitting and talking and watching the game. Needless to say, it was exciting that the Seahawks won by a landslide.... That was just icing on the cake (which luckily, we did not eat).

I just feel so incredibly blessed. I don't think it could honestly get any better than this...

Blessings in Hard Times

"There is no conflict man can endure that will not produce a blessing."
-Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

I completely agree with Don Miller when he says that conflicts in our lives can bring blessings. Even the most difficult times in my life have brought blessing.

Sometimes going through tough times makes us more aware of the beauty in our lives, the good times that may have gone unnoticed had we not gone through difficulties.

When my oldest brother died, I went to my high school and gave speeches about not doing drugs or drinking. Through his death, I was able to tell my story and his story at my school, something I never thought about until after he died. I hope that I made a difference in at least one person's life.

When I was homeless, I ended up volunteering at a camp for kids and adults with special needs. It was one of the most blessed times in my life, even in such hardship.

As you go through life, remember that sometimes the hardest times in our lives are actually blessings in disguise.

What Is Christmas?

So what is Christmas about?

Christmas is beyond just receiving gifts. It is beyond Santa Clause.

It is about searching within yourself for a love much deeper... A love that makes you want to brighten the day for everyone you come across. It's like a light comes on and everyone is more cheerful, more joyful, more full of light.

But not everyone's Christmas is blessed with presents and shared moments with loved ones. There are people living on the streets who do not even know it is Christmas.

I know because I met one of them a few years ago when I handed out blankets in New York City on Christmas morning. He was living on newspapers in the freezing cold. In that moment, watching his eyes light up with thankfulness, I found that love deep within...

A love that cannot be explained by words... It can only be felt by experiences.

I felt that love again when I handed out scarves I had crocheted to homeless people in New York City. Those scarves meant a lot because I crocheted them during treatment in an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP). As I crocheted them, I went through a transformational healing. Needless to say, I prayed for everyone who received them...

This Christmas, my mom and I visited my brother. We wanted to visit him but did not have a ride. We frantically called a taxi company, who said they did not have a taxi out. One of my mother's friends graciously drove us to see him.

As I spent time with my brother, nothing else mattered apart from spending time with him. The gifts did not matter. All that mattered was the love I felt. I can tell you that I savored every moment of our time.

No matter what you do tonight, please say a prayer for those who are alone, sick or just having a no-good, very bad, horrible, awful day. Please pray for them to feel the love of Christmas...

And do not just save this love for one day a year... Spread this love each day of your life.

Sorrow or Blessing?

"God, if you are powerful enough to have done things differently, why didn't you? How can I accept your comfort and believe you want to heal my broken heart when you could have kept me from experiencing this sorrow in the first place? If you'd only given me what I wanted, neither of us would have been sad."
-Nancy Guthrie, Hearing Jesus Speak Into Your Sorrow

As I read this early this morning, I was reminded of times when I have asked God these questions. I will never forget when I was talking to a reverend as a teenager and she told me that God could have sent a lightning bolt at my father when he was abusing me, but God didn't.

Am I grateful for my sorrows? Am I grateful for the pain I've endured?

I can honestly say in a way, yes.

Why?

Let me share with you another quote...

"Paul recognized that all his suffering-being imprisoned, shiprwrecked, stoned, threatened, rejected, criticized, cold and hungry-allowed him to experience a special fellowship with Jesus."
-Nancy Guthrie, Hearing Jesus Speak Into Your Sorrow

And another one...

"Jesus is not a distant deity who knows nothing about the pain of disappointment and death. he knows firsthand. He understands.".
-Nancy Guthrie, Hearing Jesus Speak Into Your Sorrow

I have been abused, neglected, and homeless. I have experienced the loss of a brother at the early age of 25. I deal with multiple mental illnesses on a daily basis.

But I am making it, with the help of God.

I am thankful to Him that I am not alone in this fight. I am thankful to Him that he has brought people into my life to help me during my trials. As I look back and reflect on all of my trials, I can see the hand of God throughout all of it.

And am I happy that He didn't stop my trials, even though He could have?

In  a way, yes. 

Because I have a special fellowship with Him that I would not have otherwise.
"

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

"You can be blessed in the midst of a miserable situation, because being blessed doesn't mean you have no trouble or struggle or sorrow; it doesn't mean you always experience success and comfort. It means that in the midst of the trouble and struggle and sorrow, you find yourself deeply secure, profoundly content and happy in God."
-Nancy Guthrie, Hearing Jesus Speak Into Your Sorrow

Oddly enough, I read this book right after my fourth hospitalization in this past April. It's hard to believe that it's December already and that in two weeks, I will be on a plane heading home to New Jersey.

This quote reminded me that no matter what happens in our lives, we need to be deeply rooted in God. Through Him, we find security and comfort even during the storms of life. Reading this now, I am reminded that no matter what comes my way, God is there for me. I don't know what my next phase in my life will look like, but I am trusting God.

As I am finishing up at UF, I am really grateful for a few people who helped me through my difficult times, especially the people of my church here in Gainesville. They stood by me through my months of paranoia and psychosis. I am going to miss them very deeply. They blessed me in so many ways. They brought hope and peace into my life when I most needed it. 

It is hitting me hard that this is my second to last Sunday at the church here.

It's been quite a journey during my time here in Florida. It has been full of obstacles and pain, but also many times of blessing. As I move forward, I not only remember the tough times but I also remember the blessed times as well.

Gratitude

Yesterday I came across this video and if you have the time, I would highly recommend watching it.

Like many people on Facebook, this November, I am writing things that I am thankful for every day. I can tell you from my experience that being grateful changes your perspective of the world. It reminds you how really lucky we are to live. Gratefulness opens your heart to the beauty of this world.

Rescued: My Testimony

Here is my testimony that I gave at worship last night...

Some say that you can see inside someone’s soul when you look into their eyes. I’ve thought about this quote and often wondered if people can see inside my soul. Can they see all of the pain and hurt that I have dealt with throughout my life?

As a child, I was abused by multiple family members. I literally had to fight for my life from the age of 3. When I was a teenager, I was neglected and eventually became homeless, living in numerous homes of friends. I lost my oldest brother, who was a drug addict and dealer, to suicide when I was a senior in high school. I grew up in a family ravaged by drugs and alcohol. I have been hospitalized ten times. Many of you may remember last semester, when I was hospitalized four times. I have most recently been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Where does God come into all of these struggles? Where does He come into all of the pain I’ve endured?

The answer is that God is redeeming me every single day. He is opening my heart up and helping me move forward each and every day. He is healing me in ways I never expected were possible. I would not have the strength to get through each day if it were not for him. God has brought hope into my life when I have felt the most hopeless. Thanks to Him, I graduated at the top of my class in college and am set to graduate with my Masters this December. People have told me that I should not even be able to function, and yet, I am beating the odds and moving towards what God has planned for me.

I want to end with a story of something that happened when I was six years old because I think it illustrates something very powerful that I’ve seen evident in my life, especially this past year.

There had been a car accident up the street from my childhood home. My brothers went up the street to check on what was happening and my mother left me alone in the house. Soon after she left, I saw smoke on the ceiling. My mind and body turned on survival mode and I went to the front door. It was locked and I couldn’t reach the door handle anyway. I went on the deck out back but there were no stairs to go down. I then realized that if I wanted to survive, I had to go into the kitchen, the worst room in the house because my mom had left the stove on. By that time, smoke was all throughout the home, but I went into the kitchen, found a trash can, tipped it over, stood on top of it and called 911.

The firefighters told my mother that if I had called any later, I might have died.

I tell this story because sometimes we have to go through the most difficult storms and fight the hardest fights in order to move forward and to see how deep, how wide , how long, and how high God’s love really is for us. There are no words to describe what it was like to be rescued from that fire by the firefighters. God rescues us as well. God has rescued me from a lot.

 It is through the grace of God that we move forward through our struggles.

Make Something Beautiful

Three days after my brother was found, my anxiety is still running high and it's hard to concentrate at some times. I guess the adrenaline is still running through my system.

I had a chance to talk to him last night, which helped a lot. If you've ever known someone who went missing for a few days, there really are no words to express what it is like to talk to them again. The joy is overwhelming. I am used to talking to my brother 2-4 times a day so to go without talking to him for 5 days was something that was nearly impossible.

I have to continue to trust God that he will recover and heal, just as I have these past few months. I hope and pray that he feels better.

My mom kept telling me to listen to the following song this past week. The song is Natalie Grant's Burn Bright.

The lyrics that spoke to me most were:

"You can rise up from the ashes
Make something beautiful
Of all the broken pieces."

So often we feel broken and we don't think we can keep going or we think we can't move forward or we think that we're too broken. Through God, we can find the strength we need to keep going. Through God, we can find the will to make something beautiful out of the broken pieces.

Works All Things For Good

God works all things for good.

Last night, I was at a Bible study and we were talking about trusting God. Towards the end of the Bible study, I received some very difficult news. I nearly broke down.

I had to put my full trust in God.

After Bible study, there was worship and they played Hurricane by Natalie Grant. The words of the song really struck me, especially the following lyrics...

"He'll find you in the hurricane."

I was so worried and anxious and worn out, but God spoke to me through those few words and said that everything will be alright. He said that no matter how chaotic, how confusing, how stressful, how out of control things get, that He is God and He will take care of me and my loved ones.

He said, Trust me, I got this...

Needless to say, it was the exact song I needed to hear. And the craziest thing is that my mom was at a Natalie Grant concert last night.

Again, God works all things for good.

Worst Case Scenario-Izing

The good part about catastrophizing is that when you expect the worst and it does not happen, you are overwhelmed with joy that you would not have if you were not catastrophizing.

I wrote this on my Facebook last night after spending 3 hours at the dentist yesterday.

To say I was anxious about my dentist appointment is quite an understatement. But I went anyway. I hadn't been to a dentist in over a year and I knew my teeth had gotten worse. I thought the worse and so I kept putting off going to the dentist.

To say I was relieved to get some good news is also an understatement. During my catastrophizing and "worst-case-scenario"-izing, I had come up with the worst case scenario... I'm going to have to get all my teeth pulled, then I won't be able to pay for dentures, then I won't get a job, then I won't have insurance, then I won't be able to pay for my psychiatric medications, then I'll end up homeless and on the streets and then I'll die from a tooth infection....

And yeah... that does not seem to be reality.

I think I started castastrophizing as a child as a coping mechanism... Think the worst, then when it doesn't come true, you're happy. I think it's good sometimes to be prepared.

However, I also think it's not healthy to be in constant fear and worry of the worst. I was absolutely dreading yesterday's appointment for the past two weeks. "The 15th" kept going through my head with the music from Jaws running in the background.

Sometimes we need to let go and let God. We need to trust that God really does have our back and that He will take care of us. At one point in my appointment, during the X-rays, I prayed to God and I put all of my trust in Him. From that point on, I knew I would be okay.

Nothing Is Too Big

I went to the pond yesterday and went on the swings. I go there often to talk with God and calm down if I'm anxious.

As I was swinging, I thought about how far I've come these past few years. I thought about the fact that I've been hospitalized 9 times in the past 4 years, and yet I'm still graduating with my Masters in December. I was hospitalized 4 times in college and 5 times last year, in my first year of graduate school.

Mental illness (schizophrenia, bipolar and PTSD) isn't stopping me from achieving my dreams.

I refuse to let something stop me from the dreams God has given me.

I thought about how "unstoppable" we really can be when we rely on God and the strength He gives us. The one word that most of the people who hear my story say about me is "resilient," but my resilience truly comes from God.

If you want to know my secret, I don't have one, other than continually talking to God and relying on Him to get through each day. 

And I don't give up. No matter how hard the fight is.

God can get you through anything. Nothing is too big for our God.

He Goes With You

"Never will He hold your hand more tightly than when He is leading you through the dark."
-Beth Moore, Breaking Free

I came across this quote just now and I wanted to write about it. I absolutely love the imagery.

To me, that is powerful because I am afraid of the dark. Pitch blackness terrifies me. It is the unknown... not knowing where you are, what you're doing, etc. I have been afraid of the dark ever since I was a little child. I fear night time. Some of the worst things that can happen to someone have happened to me in the dark. When I was left home alone as a teenager and neglected, I often would go around the house checking all the windows, looking to see if anyone was outside. This past week, I have had nightmares every single night. To me, darkness is synonymous to fear, terror and difficulties.

But the truth is that God has led me through some of the darkest situations that one can go through. Abuse. Homelessness. Loss and Grief. Neglect. Mental Illness. No doubt in my mind that He has held my hand through it all. He has led me through and each and every day, I am walking closer to the Light, to Him. He is guiding me, holding my hand and leading the way towards my freedom.

No matter how difficult things get today, never forget that God goes with you.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
-Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

Powerful Prayer

I am mentally, physically and spiritually drained. A lot is happening in my life right now and I don't really know what to do except crawl up in a ball. The past few days, all I've wanted to do is sleep. I'm trying to figure out if it's just that I'm really tired or if I'm depressed or if it's the meds. Whatever it is, yesterday was the first day I felt a bit out of the "funk."

I just came across a prayer that I wrote in my journal last semester and I want to share it. I want to share it because I think it's awesome to see that God truly answered my prayer through some of my greatest difficulties last semester. He strengthened me in a way I never expected and it was very meaningful to read it this morning. It was a powerful reminder that God answers prayer and helps us through difficulties.

Lord, I don't know what you are going to do through me but I keep praying and trusting that you will take all of the garbage that's happened in my life and help me to become who you want me to be. Thank you so much for the ways you are healing me and transforming me. I ask that you continue to mold me and remind me that I am cleansed and redeemed. I am not a little child anymore. I am not a lonely teenager anymore. I am your precious child and I thank you for ever single day that I live, even the most difficult ones- even the ones when I ask myself why I am still fighting. I know that you are on my side and I have felt you in so many ways these last few weeks...

I pray that you would take away the anxiety and fill me with your peace which surpasses all understanding. I pray that you continue to strengthen me every day and give me the courage and bravery I need to overcome all of this. Please help me not listen or give into the enemy's attacks because I know that good will win. I know that I am not a victim, but a victor in you.

Please remind me of positive things in my life when the evil and bad memories come. Please tranform the pain and darkness in my life into joy, peace and love. Please let me see your light even in the darkest times. Let me never lose sight of the hope I can only find in You.

Continue to heal me, restore me, trasnform me, mold me, cleanse me, redeem me and refresh me.

Aware of the Blessings

My first exam of the semester is early this morning. I have a total of 8 exams this semester.

I've been studying for this exam a lot, especially this past week. On top of studying, I had two homeworks due this week, one that was 20 pages of mathematical proofs, derivations and calculations.

Though this semester is by far my most difficult semester academically, I feel so blessed to be able to study and do well in my classes. This semester is lightyears better than last semester.

Sometimes you have to stop and be grateful for the small things in life. 

For me, the ability to concentrate enough to study is something I am blessed with this semester. I can sit down and study for a few hours straight, something I could not do last semester.

After last semester, I realize how truly blessed I am this semester and that things are going so well.

Someone asked on a Facebook group last night "what would you tell someone about having a mental illness?"

I replied and said that living with mental illness is not easy but with the proper therapy, treatment and medications, we can live fulfilling lives. I hope that when people see me, they do not see my mental illness but rather how far I have come in the past year.

Every Twist and Every Turn

In the past two days, I realized how far I have come emotionally and mentally. Last semester was full of unexpected twists and turns and hospitalizations. I feel as if I am on such a better level than I was last semester. It feels like a fog has lifted. I know all of that is behind me and I am ready to step into the future God has planned for me.

I have some great news too!

My PTSD and paranoia seem to be much better in the past few days. I had less flashbacks, actually significantly less. In fact, the number of flashbacks I'm having each day is in the single digits, something that hasn't happened in probably over a year. Yesterday, I only had 5!

Yesterday, I was on my way to therapy when the song "Not For a Moment" by Meredith Andrews came on. I heard it once again last night in worship at my church. As I listened to the words, it really spoke to me about how good, gracious and merciful our God really is. It hit me how great God has been in my life and how I need to be grateful to Him for everything that's happened.

The chorus goes like this:

After all You are constant

After all You are only good

After all You are sovereign

Not for a moment will You forsake me

God is constant.

In this life, we may encounter ups and downs. In fact, we are almost guaranteed to. Last semester, I had four hospitalizations. I thought the road to recovery was impossible and yet, in a few days, I will celebrate five months without a hospitalization. Though our time here on earth may be full of turmoil, we can have faith that God never changes. He is constant. His love is always there for us. His peace is always there for us.

God is only good.

We also are bound to encounter evil things on this earth, but God is not a part of those things. He is purely good. Being good, He can change the negative things we go through for good. I grew a lot last semester having gone through so many difficulties. I had to lean on God more than ever before and in a different way than ever before, so my relationship with Him grew. I spent a lot of time with Him at the lake, growing in my faith every step of the way.

God is sovereign.

God rules over this earth. He is the divine Ruler. He is a just God. I feel like we shouldn't have any worries, knowing how powerful God is. Our lives are ultimately in His hands and He has great and wonderful plans for each of us.

Not for a moment will God forsake us.

Even though the roads in our lives may have a lot of twists and turns, God never leaves us. He is with us every step of the way, every twist and every turn. Step by step, day by day.

Moving Forward

"As I have stated in the pages of this book, so many have tried to get me to say that my accident forty-three years ago was never part of God's plan. That my paralysis was never His intention. That quadriplegia was never necessary. That chronic pain didn't have to be. That suffering was never part of His plan. That the many tears and groans and struggles and sleepless nights were needless and a waste of my energy and my life.

I think differently.

It was all planned long ago, and God brought it about in His perfect faithfulness. And because He allowed it and permitted it, because He has walked with me through every moment of it, His plan has been marvelous for [me]."
-Joni Eareckson Tada, A Place of Healing

To tell you in a few words, this book helped change my life in the past two days. It only took me a few hours to read, yet it helped me more than words can say.

I made a few really deep realizations through reading this book, not necessarily things that were explicitly stated in the book but things I came to realize nonetheless.

I realized that I have been living in the past, somewhere that God does not want me to dwell. What's done is done. Gone and over with. I've let my flashbacks and PTSD keep me stuck somewhere that I don't need to be anymore. I am not an abused child anymore. I am a child of God.

I believe I am on the road to complete recovery. I wholeheartedly believe that my PTSD can go away, something that has been hard for me to believe for most of my life since I have been dealing with it for 11 years.

I realized, like Joni has, all that God has done in my life despite the challenges I have faced and that the difficulties are not mistakes but part of God's glorious plan. I have done great things despite endless challenges. I can't let the past overwhelm me because God has great plans for me.

I realized that the past was part of God's plan. I may not have liked it or like it now, but God allowed everything to happen in my life for a reason. I am putting my full trust in Him and His beautiful plan for my life.

I think my greatest realization is that I can heal. I don't necessarily know what healing will look like for me but I know that I don't have to be stuck in the past anymore. I can walk forward, knowing that the past is the past and that I don't have to be overwhelmed by the past in the present time. What happened is done and it's not happening anymore. I can walk into the future, with my hopes of being healed from my PTSD.

Healed Nonetheless

I began reading A Place of Healing by Joni Eareckson Tada yesterday. I actually nearly read the entire book yesterday because it is so powerful. Apart from doing homework, I sat in my apartment reading.

Joni has had a series of unfortunate events during her life. When she was younger, she was in a diving accident that left her a quadriplegic for over 40 years. She also has endured many years of severe chronic pain. Not only that, but recently, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

To say her life has been challenging is an understatement. I related to her in many ways, and I really look up to her and the fact that she kept her faith despite everything she endured.

God won’t  always change our circumstances, but if we ask Him, He will often step in to change our perspective! He will help us catch a glimpse of life through the eyes of faith, as He sees it. And that glimpse is worth everything.

-Joni Eareckson Tada, A Place of Healing

How true is this?

Part of her book was spent on explaining that we are not always healed. She said that God heals as He sees fit. Joni has been confined to a wheelchair for over 40 years and has tried many ways to be healed but nothing has worked. However, she says that she has been healed on the inside and that's all the more meaningful.

Sometimes we are not healed in the way we expect but we are healed nonetheless.

I've looked for healing for my PTSD. I've been to some healing services. I've sent up many prayers for healing. I've been dealing with complex PTSD for 11 years and I was recently diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. However difficult it is to deal with these disorders, God is doing great works on the inside and healing me in ways that I never could have expected. He is giving me that "glimpse of life through the eyes of faith." He's showing me that there is more to life than my challenges.

I want to end this blog post with a Bible verse that gave me great comfort yesterday when I read it.

We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God. 

-Acts 14:22

A True Miracle

A few days ago, my mother reminded me of a miracle that happened nearly a year ago when I was in the hospital. I asked her to write about the miracle so that I could post it on my blog. I wanted to share with all of you this awesome miracle that happened.

Last October I received a phone call from my 23 year old daughter Chelsea.  She was having spasms after having a shot of Benadryl and Reglan for a migraine headache and a mild concussion.  She had bumped her head at work after retrieving her phone charger under her desk.  After a few days of her nonstop spasms I boarded a plane to Gainesville, Florida to help her. 
 
When I got there she was having trouble walking and talking due to the spasms.  After several trips to the hospital and several series of different drugs I called 911.  Frustrated that the symptoms were not subsiding I was scared and concerned for her health.
 
Once in the emergency room she was seen by a few doctors.  The doctors took Chelsea off all drugs at this time.  The third emergency room doctor came in and talked to me as Chelsea finally fell asleep for a few hours. As Chelsea slept the doctor said sometimes there isn't an explanation to the medical problems she was experiencing.  She said they would see how she did without any medication.  I had told the doctor that Chelsea had spoken earlier to a Christian radio announcer at Joy FM.  The doctor then said that while 
the doctors may not have an explanation to what was going on with Chelsea - God did! I asked the doctor to pray for my daughter.  At that time, the doctor said she would pray for my daughter right in the emergency room.  We laid hands on my daughter as she slept.  I could feel the power of God in the room.  
 
The following morning, I went to see Chelsea in the room she had been transferred to.  When I got to the room I was documenting her experience.  As we went through each day I was writing down everything Chelsea could remember.  Chelsea said "I can speak."  I told her to wait as I was finishing writing down what she was saying.  Again, Chelsea said "I can speak." I looked up at her and realized she was speaking without spasms.  The joy I felt at that time cannot be explained in words. I knew at that time she was finally healed.

I will never forget the doctor's expression when he came into the room that morning and I was sitting up and talking normally. I will never forget the nurses walking by my room and saying "4B is healed!"

Don't Waste It

"This moment, right now, is all God has given us. He may give us tomorrow, or another decade, or another fifty years. But he hasn’t yet. All he has given us is this present moment. All he asks of us is this moment. It’s all we have to give him. It’s all we can ever give him.

So embrace it. Accept it. Don’t waste it."

-Steven James, Becoming Real

This morning as I write this blog post, this quote really spoke to me.

I had a very hard and emotional day yesterday. I found out some very difficult news. Reading this quote reminded me to make the most of the present time, no matter how challenging it gets.

One of the most difficult things to do while having PTSD is to stay in the present moment. Every so often, I am taken back to the past. I am absorbed in traumatic experiences I went through as a child.

It's also just not that easy to embrace each moment. Hard things happen to us all the time and we are not always ready to embrace life.

But how true is the quote above?

God really has given us this moment to cherish, no matter how difficult, no matter how painful. He has given us life and we are called to make the most of it.

Though it may not always feel like it, this life is a precious gift.

Don't waste it.