-Stephen Arterburn, Reframe Your Life
I'm currently reading a book about reframing. Reframing essentially is looking at an event, most likely a negative event, in our lives in a completely different way. Maybe looking at it from the point of someone else. Maybe taking our eyes off of the hurt and pain we feel to look at it from another point of view.
As I am reading, it is helping to deal with my past. It is helping me to remember that my life is not all bad. It is how I look at my life that matters. The people in my life who hurt me are not all bad. Yes, I've been hurt badly. But I survived. And I'm moving forward. Yes, I deal with flashbacks and intrusive memories. But I am still here. I am still fighting. I still have a chance to have a great life, regardless of what was done to me while growing up. But I can't move forward if I'm stuck in the past. I can't move forward if I still am bitter about what has been done to me.
Easier said than done.
Sometimes we focus our energy so much on the hurt that it takes everything out of us. We get pulled down. And I believe that's where the enemy wants us. While God uses the bad situations in our lives to make something good and something of value, the enemy wants to tear us down and make us miserable. He wants us to forget what God has done. God has continually given me strength and courage to fight through some intensely bad things in my life.
When I focus on the past, I am easily overwhelmed.
And that overwhelmingly bad feeling is not what I was meant to live with. I was meant to be more than a conqueror. I am meant to live as a survivor not a victim. But when I dwell in the negatives of my past, I'm giving them power. I'm giving the enemy power to bring me down. I'm giving my father control over my life, control he doesn't deserve. He doesn't deserve anything from me.
I know that many have told me that my story is the worst they've ever heard. I've lived a life with unspeakably bad things, with things I've been told that nobody deserves to deal with. But you know what's worse? Not knowing God. My life actually isn't that bad. I am thankful every day that I know God and that I know He can help me through anything that comes my way. If I didn't know God, I wouldn't be here. I know He can help me overcome the memories. He can help me overcome the pain and hurt I still deal with. He gave me the strength to go through them.
I am so lucky to know God. Fortunate beyond description. Because knowing Him means that I don't have to live as a victim. I am a survivor because He has helped me get this far.
My mom texted me this morning and said that she's amazed that I graduated from college. Many people who know the details of my abuse (which are only a handful of people) have said that it is a miracle that I function. I thank God every day that I can function well despite years of torture and abuse. I thank God for giving me the opportunities I have had to make it out of my situation.
I thank God each day for my life, because no matter how painful it becomes, it is a blessing from God. He truly can turn the worst events in our lives around and make them good.
Every day, I go on the swings at the park. I go on the swings because the wind makes me feel free. It's the closest thing to flying there is on earth. As I swing, I listen to one song over and over. Only one song. Every single day. Every time I swing. And as I listen to this song, God always speaks to me. The song is called Hope is Calling by Bellarive. The chorus says:
There's a hope in the distance
And it's begging to be found
There's a love inside me
Reaching for it now.
Sometimes life gets so hard that we try to find hope but we don't see it. But there is always hope, maybe far away in the distance. But it's still there. And it's worth fighting for. It's worth reaching for. Every time I listen to this song I am reminded that there is always hope.
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