No Matter What

I was listening to a Christian radio station this morning and a song that I have heard hundreds of times came on. You know how sometimes you listen to a song so many times that you listen “blindly”? You no longer listen to the lyrics and the song kind of becomes a background noise?

Well, this time I attentively listened to the lyrics and they really spoke to me.

No matter what, I’m gonna love You

No matter what, I’m gonna need You

I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain

But it not, if not, I’ll trust You

-Kerrie Roberts, No Matter What lyrics

I went outside this morning for a walk and it was still raining out and I started thinking more about the storms in our lives.

When storms come our way, we have a tremendous choice that we need to make. 

We can dwell in the pain, dwell in our sadness, disappointment, frustration and anger. Or we can get up and face another day. We can go through the anger and the frustration but we can praise God at the same time, knowing that He has a greater plan for us. The storms in our lives are temporary and with God’s strength, we can get up and go through our storms.

At one of the lowest points in my life, I attempted to take my life. I believed that because of all the struggles I had gone through and was going through at the time, there was no way that I could continue living. I felt like a huge burden to those around me. I thought I would never be able to function in society or make a difference in the world.

I woke up in the hospital with a broken back. Not only did the police say it was a miracle I was still alive, but the doctors who treated me could not believe that I could walk. I remember being fitted for a body brace. A few of my vertebrae in my spine had burst fractures. I remember all I wanted to do was get up and walk around the hospital. I walked two days after entering the hospital and I remember my mother telling me that my uncle heard that I walked and he got on his knees and wept. As I walked around the hospital, one of the nurses said, "Well, look who's up and walking." Nothing could keep me from walking around that hospital, even an IV stuck in my arm. Even though it had been a few days since my attempt, I wanted to get up and face the day.

I was forced to take a 10 month medical leave from school. I went back home with my family and I entered an intensive outpatient program (IOP). I was still wearing my body brace, which I had to wear for 3 months. One of the other patients in the IOP told me that she did not know how I found the strength to wake up every morning and put the back brace and show up at the IOP. To me, there was no choice. I had to get up. I wanted to get better. God had saved my life in a big way and the least I could do was show up for my treatment.

And the minute I got home from my doctor's office at the 3 month followup scan for my back, I took my brace off and went for a run. Earlier this year, I was training for a half marathon and I was running 6 minute miles.

Needless to say, when people say that something is impossible, I want to say "Just let me and God show you how possible it really is."

Sometimes in life we hit rock bottom. Sometimes we do not know what our next move is. But we keep trusting God. We have faith that He will continue to work in our lives. We know He holds our lives in His precious hands and He will always be there for us. We know that with His strength, we can get up and face the day.

God worked in my life in tremendous ways since my attempt and I have come a long way. Every morning when I put on my body brace for those 3 months, I thought of it as putting on the armor of God. The body brace looked like a breastplate. During the time after my attempt, He spoke to me in many ways. He spoke to me in so many ways that often I was overwhelmed. I learned more about who He was and is. I watched sermons. I read books. I fell in love again with God. He not only helped me survive but He has helped me to walk forward after more struggles have come my way since then. No storm is too big for him. No problem I face is too scary for Him.

He can overcome anything and through His strength, I am not overwhelmed by the storms.

No matter what, I will praise Him. No matter what, we get up and face each day.