The Seemingly Silent God

“Although it may seem as if God is asleep when we go through deep darkness, could it be that God is most watchful in the moments of our despair?”

-Cecil Murphey, Seeking God’s Hidden Face

Have you ever cried your soul out to God, wondering where He is? Wondering why He’s allowing certain things to happen in your life? Why you have an illness? Why someone you loved passed away? Why your life feels like it is being ripped apart from every angle?

If you’re like me, during those times, sometimes it feels like God is silent. I have often wondered why God has allowed me to go through so many difficulties. Having recently lost my job, I was upset because I felt like I was losing everything that I have worked hard for. It had come right after my fourth hospitalization since beginning the job. I was angry at God. I was frustrated Why would He allow this to happen? How could He let this happen if He truly loved me? Didn't He know that it was everything I worked hard for?

What I am coming to grips with now is that some of the bad things that happen to us may not make sense. They may never make sense. 

But it is through the hardships and obstacles that we find the inner strength, the strength that comes from God, to keep moving forward. It is in those hardships that we have to rely on God in a new and stronger way than we have ever had to before. He may seem silent, but our God promises never to leave us. Our God is not one of abandonment.

I cannot answer the question “Why do bad things happen to good people and why do good things happen to bad people?” I have often been frustrated that my father got away with everything he did to me, yet I suffer from his abuse everyday through flashbacks. Life just is not fair sometimes. Life downright stinks sometimes. But God is still God. And God is still good.

What I do have is faith in God and that carries me through those points when I cry out to God. More and more, I am realizing the hidden blessings within the trials I have had to face throughout my life. I'm starting to realize that maybe the path I thought was good for me is different than what God is calling me to do.

Something that I have struggled with and continue to struggle with is thinking, “I must have done something really bad to deserve all the bad stuff that’s happened to me.” Sometimes we believe that if something horrible happens, then it must be our fault. However, God is continually saying to me that some of the things that have happened to me and are happening to me are not my fault. Some of them I did not deserve. But they are part of His plan and He has a greater purpose for them. I may not ever understand why those things happened to me, but God is not punishing me. Rather, He is guiding me and loving me in a way that only He can. He is providing me with the strength and courage I need to face tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that…

Our God is love and He loves us through each of our storms… no matter how silent He seems.