“The true transformation
in the journey [through trauma] comes when you see the amazing beauty of the
place you’ve been trapped.”
-Laurence Gonzales,
Surviving Survival
I just began reading
Surviving Survival yesterday. Through telling various stories of survival, Gonzales
explains the neuroscience behind trauma and the recovery from traumatic
experiences. As someone who has studied neuroscience and has also lived through
many traumatic experiences myself, this book has been an interesting read so
far.
It has made me wonder, What makes us humans resilient?
To me, resilience is
all about attitude. It is about how you see yourself and the life you are leading. Though I have spent some time being depressed about my past and some
of the things I have gone through, overall I have a very positive outlook at
life. I do not ever wish that anybody would have to go through what I have gone
through, but I feel greatly blessed to have gone through so many challenges.
Why?
Because it was exactly in those times, the deep, dark traumatic experiences in my life that I found out about God. The deeper I have gone, the more apparent the love of God has been in my life. The more challenging the storm, the greater I saw God’s wings lifting me up. The more grace and mercy I have felt. The more joy I have felt. The darker things are, the more visible the light becomes. Just go out and stargaze and you’ll see what I mean. The longer you are in the darkness, the more stars become visible.
Having been homeless
reminds me how lucky I am to have my own apartment. Having been abused reminds
me how lucky I am to have survived and how blessed I am to have people around
me who do care and would not harm me. The greater the victory is when I learn
to trust someone. Because I was abused, I have a lot of empathy for those who
feel unloved, ignored and forgotten.
It is exactly the “disasters”
in my life that are the truest blessings. Often, when I went through the
struggles, I did not see or feel the blessings. Sometimes I did. However, looking back on
everything that I have been through, God is so evident and the blessings are
beyond comprehension.
I received my grades
for last semester early this morning. To tell you the truth, I was nervous.
Everyone at the hospital told me to withdraw from the semester since I had been
hospitalized four times and missed over a month of classes. But they did not
know that every time I got out of the hospital, I got caught up with all of the
work. I did all of the assignments that were due. Towards the end of the semester, I worked even harder, to make sure that my final papers were great. After receiving my grades, I
was very excited because I knew I had made it through the most difficult
semester in my life. I truly survived this semester and thrived as well. No
matter how many people told me I could not finish the semester successfully or
that I would fail, I took what they said with a grain of salt and did my work.
I worked even harder to prove the naysayers wrong. And I was successful.
To me, this life is all
about attitude. Storms are bound to happen, but you have a choice to make. Get
caught up in the storm or move forward and through the storm.
The challenges I have
been through in my life have molded me and shaped me into who I am today and I
am extremely grateful for that. Even though life is still a day to day
struggle, I am so grateful for life and that I am still here. I strive to make
a difference in the world every single day. To me, there is no other choice. I
feel like I’m on borrowed time since I have had so many moments when I nearly
lost my life. I wake up each morning, ready to greet the day because I know
that I will make it through the day. I know how much each day truly is a
blessing. Each new day is a chance to bless others and be blessed by learning
more about who God is.
I feel so lucky to
still be living, no matter how difficult life becomes, because I know God will
carry me through anything that comes my way. I know, because He has gotten me
through the unthinkable, the unspeakable.
He can carry each of us
through our storms…
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