Taking it Day By Day

Today is a better day. I’m still battling some remnants of depression, but it’s nice outside today and going to the lake helped me a lot. Being at the lake helps me to feel closer to God and it calms me down. I like to listen to the birds and just be…

Battling schizoaffective disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on a daily basis is very difficult and can be very frustrating sometimes. What makes it even more difficult is that it is hard to make close friends. A lot of the time I feel lonely, which then makes me even more depressed and it's like a cyclical thing. I want to have friends, but since this entire semester, I've been in and out of hospitals, it really made it hard to make any friends. 

My depression can go very low and that's why I have been keeping it in check. I do not want to get to a low point. I'm not there, but things have been difficult these past few days. I've had more flashbacks recently as well. Some days are more difficult than others and I just sit back and am overwhelmed by the difficult stuff I've been through. But then I always get back up. I've always been a fighter.

Taking photos, writing poems, drawing, reading the Bible and going to the lake all help me to cope with everything that is going on. It helps me to express everything that I'm going through. It's really important to have things to do when we get down and things get hard.

Right now I feel closer to God than anybody. But even He seems distant sometimes. This past week was more difficult because He seemed a little more distant. But even when He seems distant, I know He's still there. He truly never lets go of us. I felt Him very strongly when I was at the lake earlier.

I am very grateful for everyone who's been praying me through everything. I seriously do not know what I would be doing if I did not have the people who do care about me and have supported me through all of my struggles. I know it's difficult and I have to take it day by day, but it means a lot to have people who care.

Step by step, things in my life are getting better. I am so grateful that it's been over a month that I haven't had any psychosis or paranoia. That is such a relief and truly a blessing and a miracle from God. I am praying that it will stay this way and that I can move forward in a positive direction.