The I Am

"I have watched over them, I have protected them, and I have defended them. I've walked in front of them, behind them, and in the midst of them. I have nursed those that were sick, I have chased after some that went astray, and I have led them to the places where they needed to go, keeping them away from danger."
-Mac Brunson, Paralyzed by Fear or Empowered by Hope

For those who didn't read my post yesterday, instead of celebrating Father's Day, I celebrate God Day. I grew up in an abusive home in which I never really learned what it meant to have a father. Throughout my life, I have grown up knowing God as my real Father, which is why I call it God Day.

I chose to focus on the quote above because I think that it not only resembles what God does for each of us, but it serves as a reminder to fathers about their roles in our lives.

God protects. He keeps us from harm. For many years I had trouble understanding this because of my surroundings growing up. The place where I was supposed to feel the most comfort in my life, my home, was full of turmoil, terror and fear. I never knew when I would be abused next. My sense of safety was destroyed. So was my sense of a father's protection. He did the opposite of protecting me. I still deal with issues with my sense of safety as I deal with paranoia. But God has continually shown me that He cares about me and wants me to be safe. He helped rescue me from that home and He has saved my life a few times.

God defends us. God fights for us when we have no strength to fight for ourselves. He brings His strength into our lives when we have no strength left to fight. Trust me, when I went through the abuse, I thought there was no end in sight. But it did end and I am very thankful for that. God was there, right beside me, fighting through and it eventually stopped.

God walks with us. Sometimes He walks in front of us, sometimes He walks behind us and sometimes He walks beside us. I'll never forget when I went against my father to get a restraining order and my therapist at the time told me that God was going in front of me. It gave me great comfort to know that He already has gone before me and He was fighting for me. I was absolutely terrified, because I had to see my father in court and my PTSD was very bad then, even worse than it is now. I truly believe that God walks with us throughout our lives, helping us through the most difficult times. He never leaves us nor forsakes us.

God helps those who are sick. As someone who deals with a few disorders and sicknesses, I know personally that God helps us through. In my own personal life, He helps me discern the truth from lies or deception when I'm dealing with my paranoia. He helps comfort me after I have flashbacks and nightmares due to my PTSD. He helps me get through the days when my disorders are really bad by providing me with strength.

God searches for those who are lost. Quite a few times in my spiritual/religious life, I've lost connection with God, but God has always brought me back to Himself. He reminds me of how He has helped me, rescued me and saved my life. He never forgets us, especially when we are lost or we lose sight of Him.

God leads us. If we put our lives in God's hands, He can help lead us to where He wants us to be. Whenever I have to make a big decision about where I need to go, I always pray to God for discernment. He has led me to amazing places in my life, which I am very grateful for. I never would have made it this far in my life without His guidance.

And for fun, to end this blog, here are two more baby photos of me: