Getting Up From a Fall

Today was the first day of my new job and to say I was excited is a little bit of an understatement. It is something new mixed with things that I have done. But most of all, going to work this morning meant that I was getting up and taking a huge leap forward in my healing process. I am getting up from a few months of being in and out of hospitals. I am getting up from the thoughts and the voices inside my head that said I would never get a job again, that I would never recover or learn to deal with my disorders.

I am getting up.

This past week was an incredible week for me. I got a job, I secured enough financial aid for my last semester, and I signed a lease for a new apartment.

With all of this moving forward and getting up business, I've been wondering what it means to get up after a storm. What does it mean to have hope again after feeling so hopeless and helpless?

Part of getting up is having hope again. It's knowing that no matter how bad things are, they have the potential to get better. When I was in and out of hospitals, I thoughts my hospitalizations would never end. I thought it was an endless cycle and that I would be institutionalized for the rest of my life. I was so scared that I would never get up again.

But I clung to God and the hope that can be found in Him.

Part of getting up is relying on God. There are things on this earth that are not meant to be done alone. For a few weeks, I had no idea how I was going to fund my last semester of graduate school. I had no idea where I would live. But I put my faith and trust in God and He worked things out better than I could have expected. It's alright if we don't have all the answers, as long as we trust God.

Part of getting up is to do some things we are not comfortable doing. In order to take care of business, I had to do some things that I am not so comfortable doing, like going to a job interview. I love my new job, but I don't like job interviews. Recently, I was on the phone with people in the billing office at the hospital, which is also one of my least favorite things to do. But it had to be done. And when you do those things that are necessary but not your favorite, you feel relieved. Because you got things done. It's hard stuff getting up after a fall, but if you want to get up, you need to go through the difficult things.

Part of getting up is knowing that this too shall pass. Most difficult things we go through tend to get better with time. As I said, I thought my hospitalizations would never end. But yesterday marked two months out of the hospital. You have to cling to the hope that things can and will get better. I often wish I could flick a finger and everything would be a-okay. But life doesn't work like that. However, they do get better over time. It's about progress.

Part of getting up is knowing that God is bigger than anything we face here on earth. Things can get downright hurtful and painful on earth, but something that always helps me is to remind myself of how big and powerful God is. Nothing that we face here is bigger than Him. Ultimately, He can take care of us and He will, if we allow Him. This has taken me a long time to understand. I've often asked myself why if He is so powerful did I have to go through so much. Why didn't He stop it? I believe the answer is He could have but there is more to the story that I don't know. But the ending is good. He is interweaving everything according to His will in only a way He can.

As I continue to get up and move forward, I have gained a new sense of hope. I have learned a lot about myself and who God is.

I want to share with you a song I've been listening to, Lessons Learned by Carrie Underwood. It explains beautifully how we can learn from the most difficult things we face in life.