It took all of me not to cry tears of joy in the store this morning when I was walking by people and not having paranoid thoughts. It was amazing how calm I felt. Having paranoid thoughts all day long is not a way to live. It is exhausting. We were not meant to be anxious every second of our lives. We were not made to live in fear. I had gotten so used to living with paranoia that I forgot what life is like without it.
Now what caused me to be paranoid?
My doctor thinks it is my PTSD being very high, which may be due to the intensive trauma therapy I'm going through. The new medication I started today is supposed to help with PTSD symptoms. My mother thinks that my past is way too traumatic to go through at this time. I'm still not sure because I've dealt with some of the past before.
Whatever may be causing the paranoia, I am glad that the paranoia seems to have gone away on the new medication. The paranoia was so bad that I was starting to prepare to go to the hospital.
Having three disorders that are mixed can complicate things and sometimes is very frustrating, but no matter what, I move forward. I take it one day at a time and each day that I feel better is a victory. God gave me this life for a reason and I'm going to make the most out of it.
I want to share another song by the band I saw on Wednesday. The song is called Busted Heart by for KING & COUNTRY. It's a song about God being there for us and holding on to us, even when things get really complicated.
No matter what we go through in this life, God holds on to us. We can find hope even in the most dire circumstances.
No comments:
Post a Comment