As Grace Flows Down...

At church this morning, we sang a few songs that really spoke to me. I thought deeply about the lyrics and they really touched me in a way that I know only God can speak to me.

A verse of one of the songs, Desert Song, goes like this.

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

I had no choice but to raise my hands up high to God, to worship Him as I sang this song, because I know that God is there during every season of our lives. Even when we may not feel it, we have a reason to worship and sing. I have felt God even in the worst moments in my life. Part of trusting God is believing that He's there even when we feel abandoned or lonely. Because the truth is we are never alone. Even when the storms are raging in our lives, we can trust Him. Sometimes it's hard for me because I feel alone and as if nobody can relate to what I've gone through but I am always reminded that God understands. And that is more than enough for me.

Even in the chaos, God is still God. God will always be God.

We all go through tough times in our lives, seasons where we don't know what's going on. Since I suffered a head concussion at the end of last year, I've had nonstop medical issues. Including the hospitalization in October, I have had 5 hospitalizations totalling up to about 2 months in the hospital. It was frustrating. Downright difficult. Hard stuff. But God truly never abandoned me and He is showing His goodness, mercy and grace in my life. And I am very grateful for that.

Another song that we sang was All Who Are Thirsty, in which the verse says:

Let the pain and the sorrow

Be washed away

In the waves of his mercy

As deep cries out to deep

During the early few months of this year, I thought my disorders would never get better. To tell you the truth, I was terrified that I would end up in a state mental institution since I was hospitalized so much. Either that or the endless hospitalizations would never end. The pain and the loneliness I felt were tremendous, but I never gave up. And these lyrics meant a lot to me because deep down, I feel all the bad stuff being slowly washed away. I feel as if I am finally going to be able to move forward with my life.

Having PTSD, I feel like you know that you're getting better when you don't think about the past as much. The memories and flashbacks become less intrusive. For the past few days, they've been getting better. I'm not having as many flashbacks and memories. They're still there but things are getting better.

Part of the sermon this morning was about trusting God to do more than you ever could imagine. As I go through this healing process, I have had to trust God in so many ways, and He is answering my prayers and truly healing me in ways that I never could imagine. It's not easy to trust. I have a lot of trouble with trusting, but I look back throughout my life and see how God has helped me through the seemingly impossible. I have no choice but to trust.

God's mercy is so overwhelming. It is unbelievably good.

When His grace flows down, it is a miraculous thing...