Three Magic Words

Someone said three magic words to me yesterday.

Not "Thank you, ma'am."

Not "I love you."

But "I believe you."

When people have been through so much trauma as I have, sometimes it's hard to believe everything I've been through. I first started telling a few people about my childhood trauma when I was 13 years old since I started to have nightmares and flashbacks. Mostly, I was met with opposition and disbelief. I felt like my voice was not heard. I doubted myself. My father said to me often during the abuse that nobody would believe me. I started to think he may be right.

I don't think it's that people mean harm when they tell me they don't believe me but rather they don't want to believe that someone has gone through so much. They don't want to believe it happened for so long. They don't want to think that nobody tried to stop it.

I endured 7 years of abuse by my father and oldest brother. I was neglected for 3 years by my mother. I grew up in a family of drug dealers, alcoholics and drug addicts. I lost my oldest brother to suicide. I've been homeless. I've been diagnosed with multiple serious mental illnesses.

Put simply, I've been through a lot and continue to fight to this very day.

But when somebody says "I believe you," it means so much to me. It means that my voice is being heard and that my father was wrong. It means that there really are people out there who care enough to listen. It validates me and tells me I'm not crazy like my father wants me to believe.

The one thing I've realized by going through everything and dealing with peoples' reactions is that you should believe someone if they care enough to share their story, no matter how hard it is to believe.

It kills you inside when you're not believed. It strikes to the core and you start to not believe yourself. For me, it's also been a part of my paranoia. When I was psychotic in the hospital, the voices were telling me I was lying, so I told all the doctors that I lied about what happened. The voices made me doubt myself. The voices made me believe I was a horrible person.

When I hear "I believe you," it gives me a lot of hope that things will get better.