Battling Paranoia

Today, other than going to donate blood this morning, I stayed in my apartment. I read and took a nap.

Why?

Because I'm currently terrified of people. Everywhere I go, people lick their lips and it triggers my PTSD and paranoia. They lick their lips or stick out their tongue and they do it while looking at me, so I assume that it's towards me. People everywhere. Old and young.

My therapist says that it's not aimed towards me. She says that whenever I see it, just to say "It's not about me."

But this is a very hard battle for me.

It's not funny. It is very serious and it makes my mental illness worse.

All I want to do is avoid people at this point. I think that people are talking about me behind my back, spreading rumors. I don't even like to go for walks anymore because I don't want to see anyone. When I go on the buses, I sit in the back corner to avoid all confrontation.

On this blog, I wanted to document my mental illness and right now, I am afraid of it getting worse. I am afraid of the medications not working. I am afraid of people.

I just want to get through this.