The Quirks

My psychologist recently said I have quirks.

Now what are those quirks?

Well I guess, here we go...

I love palindromes... you know, those numbers or words that are the same backwards or forwards. When the number of visitors on my blog is a palindrome, I feel at ease and am comforted. I feel as if all of the world is great.

I love patterns... in numbers, in words, in faces, in sidewalks, EVERYWHERE. I look for patterns everywhere I look. I notice the details in everything.

Sometimes when I wake up, I count using my fingers and make different patterns with the way I tap my fingers, much like how someone plays the piano. Maybe that is why I play the piano. Music is all made up of patterns. I feel so at ease when I listen to music.

I love the number five. When the number of people who visit my blog is a multiple of 5, I get excited. I take sips of water or other drinks in 5's. I love that there are 5 weekdays and that there are 2 weekend days, with 2 being my second favorite number. 2 is an even number and every other number is divisible by 2. I like that numbers that are divisible by 5 either end in 5 or 0, with 0 being one of the most unique numbers that exist. There are an infinite number of even and odd numbers, but there are different sizes of infinity. One set of infinite numbers can be greater than another infinite set of numbers. Things are easier when they are finite. I kiss my teddy bear in 5's. I eat candy in 5's. I do a lot of things in 5's. I round everything to a multiple of 5.

I am very picky about food. Growing up, I hated to eat foods that were mixed. One of my favorite dishes was chicken and rice but I ate the chicken first and then the rice, never mixed. My mom always said "The food all gets mixed anyways", but I don't like mixed foods.  At church, I get salad with whatever is made on Sunday for lunch, but I do not eat it with dressing because I do not want the dressing to get mixed with the other food. I also detest sweet and salty foods. It should either be one or the other but not both.

When I get interested in something, I get VERY, EXTREMELY interested in it. I usually go to the library and borrow every book I can so I can know everything I can about that topic. Last time I went to the library, I got 10 books out about the same subject. I guess this is what they call "restricted interests."

Every day for the past few months, I go on the swing. I listen to the same songs. The patterned movement of the swing back and forth is one of the most soothing things I have ever felt. If I close my eyes, I almost feel as if I am flying. I live for patterns in my routine every day. I sit in the same seat every Sunday at church. I don't like change unless absolutely necessary.

I have a teddy bear named Teddy and he helps me through the day. I am calmed when I hug him. He helps me through the hardest days, when there are no 5's and the world is not at ease. He says nothing, he does nothing... He is just there, always willing to give me a hug and listen to my fears.

Last year, around this time, I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, a form of autism. I was diagnosed again with Asperger's early this year. Then I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar, and PTSD. Quite a few people believe that I am autistic.

I like that I live for patterns. I love that my days are filled with 5's and hugs from my teddy bear. I love my quirks because they are what makes me ME.

Embrace our differences. Embrace what makes you who you are...