Moving for anybody is a hassle. But for me, especially, it is tremendously frightening. I am leaving my comfort zone in a major way to go to a new place with new strangers. Add paranoia and psychosis into the mix and you have a full-blown party.
At least my new place is only a few blocks away. But still...
I started a new book about paranoia and terrorism written by a trauma psychologist.
I took a test in the book about anxiety. Out of 21 questions, I answered "yes" to 19 of them. Not surprisingly, the author said if you have 15 or more "yes"'s then you should "seek professional help."
Yay me!
One of the questions that really struck me was:
"Have you been going back to check on things more than once?"
I have to say that I am always worrying about things. If I leave my apartment, I constantly think I left the stove on or I worry that I left my door open or I left something on that will start a fire. I often have to force myself to not go back to my apartment, but more often, I go back to my apartment to check. At work, the same routine. If I put something in a machine, I constantly check it. There's a machine that you have to put the time in and when I start the machine, I always do double checks or triple checks. I'm terrified of messing something up.
I thought worrying all the time is normal. I'm always worrying about something. Everywhere I go. All the time.
For the past week or so, I've been terrified about this move. I'm terrified of moving to a completely new place with new people. It's outright terrifying for someone like me with multiple mental illnesses.
But that's why we have to conquer our fears... Because if we don't, we won't go anywhere.
So I am hunkering down and will be moving tomorrow.
Take it easy, Anxiety can make simple things, like getting ready for the day, more difficult.
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