Part of what has been aggravating my PTSD and schizophrenia is that I see people sticking out their tongues wherever I go. I don't know why they're doing it, but it makes me very uncomfortable. Seeing people do it increases my PTSD and paranoia. I wish it wasn't happening. My therapist and a few other people say I'm probably hypersensitive to people's facial expressions but I'm not sure.
As I've mentioned in a previous post, it is very hard not to act upon the paranoia. It takes all of me not to go up to someone and ask why they are making a face at me.
A few weeks ago I made the mistake of doing that. I was walking down the street and a man made an odd face at me. When he got near to me, I asked him "Why are you making that face at me?" The man behind him came up to me and said, "Well that wasn't really a nice social interaction." I didn't mean to be rude to the man at all. It's just his facial expression made me feel very uncomfortable and I wanted to know why he was doing it at me. I thought it was directed at me, just as I believe people are sticking out their tongues at me. I know it sounds funny and I'm still not sure if it's my mental illness or not.
I wish that people knew more about mental illness and they didn't joke about it. Maybe I seem "crazy" at times, but I've been through a load of crap and I'm just trying to make it through this life. Mental illness is not funny. I spend my whole day everyday battling thoughts that people are after me to abuse me and kill me. I feel alone, misunderstood and it takes all of me not to give up. Living with multiple mental illnesses is one of the most difficult things I've ever been called to do.
Part of my journey is sharing it with others so they can understand what mental illness is like.
Even thought it's rough, I won't give up this fight for freedom from my mental illnesses. I wake up each day, knowing that each day is a struggle to get through. But I hold on to the promises that God has given. I want to stay in this fight.
I want to share a song that has been on replay on my iPhone these past few days. It is called We Won't Be Shaken by Building 429.
Whatever will come my way
Through fire or pouring rain
We won't be shaken
No we won't be shaken
Whatever tomorrow brings
Together we'll rise and sing
That we won't be shaken
My prayer is that no matter what you're going through, that you will cling to God through it, knowing that He is there for you, no matter what.
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