Be Strong and Courageous

I went to the movies last night and I was paranoid. I saw a few people stick their tongues out at me. It might sound funny but it's really not. Paranoia and believing others are after you or talking behind your back is terrifying. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and I am honestly one step away from going to the hospital again because it's also triggering depression and my PTSD.

Today, I'm trying to avoid all confrontation with others by just staying at home. I want to avoid people in general, because I'm not paranoid if I'm not around people.

I have therapy on Monday and a psychiatry appointment on Tuesday so I am just trying to make it to those. 

I just want to get better. I wish all of this would go away.

My mom asked me a good question yesterday and it was "Where is God in all of this?"

I have to say that I have had to put my full trust in God through all of this. I have to believe that something good will come out of this chaos. That I will be able to move on without the paranoia or psychosis. What I'm going through is very confusing, but life in general is confusing. Life sometimes makes no sense and that's why we have to put our belief in God at the forefront.

I wouldn't be fighting this if I didn't believe in God, in something greater than myself, in something greater than my battles. He strengthens me. He helps me. He guides me. He restores me.

I want to end with a verse that I think of often when I am going through a lot.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
-Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)