"The content of the voices and visions constitutes a hazardous nuisance to someone like me to so likes to figure out puzzles."
-Mark Vonnegut, Just Like Someone Without Mental Illness Only More So
I still remember my time in the hospital in a catatonic state like it was yesterday. For most of that time, I was in my bed curled up in a ball, hearing voices. To say I was terrified is a grave understatement.
The first time I became "crazy" was when the unreal became blurred with the real. It's weird when people say what you are experiencing is not actually happening. It's downright confusing.
I battle every day to know what's real and what's not. I continually search for the truth in my experiences.
Are people after me? Am I in trouble with the FBI?
The voices are not just voices. When I was catatonic, they scared me to the point of not talking for 3 days. I thought they were reading my mind. They tormented me. They taunted me. They blamed me. I did not talk for 3 days, yet I talked to the voices for those 3 days in my head. I had conversations with them, just like I talk to people on the phone. The voices were so real, because they were voices of people I've known.
Psychosis is very interesting in a lot of ways- how the mind can create such realistic hallucinations that are not real yet everything pieces together so nicely. As someone who has studied the brain, my mental illnesses are very intriguing to me at times.
No comments:
Post a Comment