Settling For More

I want to share two quotes from a book I read a few months ago, Jesus, Lover of a Woman's Soul by Erwin and Rebecca Lutzer.

"The battle will rage but victory is possible through Jesus Christ our Lord."

"The past cannot be changed, but the power of the past can be diminished and broken."

I wanted to share these quotes because I know I am not the only one who feels like they're fighting a battle. For me, the battle that rages on inside my soul is my past. But others might be battling other illnesses, or things that hold us back from God. 

The battle for our lives can be won in Jesus. With Him, we do not have to worry about the future or where we are going next. We just need to trust...

God will take care of you. 
God loves you. 
God is there for you, especially when there is no other place to run.

How do I know?

Because I have been there.

I was there last week. 

I was terrified. My paranoia was skyrocketing. I was afraid of everybody. It got to the point that I considered going to the hospital. So I went to my doctor and got on a new medication. I had that appointment set up for about a month but God knew exactly when I needed that appointment.

It's been three days since I started my new medication and the paranoia has subsided. It's still there very weakly and I expect it to continue to go away as my body gets used to the new medication. Today was my first day at work without paranoia and it felt different. I almost got used to being paranoid.

The second quote speaks to the power that the past can have in our lives. The past cannot be changed, but sometimes it can take on so much power in our lives.

How do I know?

I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to many years of abuse. I avoid certain things or places that remind me of the abuse. I even dropped a class in college because the professor reminded me of one of my abusers. Sometimes I live my life in a way that I try to not be reminded by my past, but then I end up being reminded of it even more. I deal with intrusive memories of the past, uncontrollable videos that run through my head at various points in my day.

I know that the power of my past can be broken, but right now I'm not sure it is. I'd say that its power is slowly diminishing. The past still haunts me through my PTSD. But every day, I feel stronger against my past. Every time I talk to someone about it, the past seems a little weaker and I feel stronger. There is something extremely empowering about talking about the abuse.

I believe that God does not call us to get used to living with our past having so much power over us or whatever it is that haunts us and keeps us from Him. He tells us "Don't get comfortable... I'm going to do something great in your life."

Don't settle for less...