It’s Friday! It’s the most exciting day for most people who
work and I am right there along with them. This week has been very tiring but I
successfully made it through another week at work.
Paranoia is one of the most frustrating things I have been
through. I am honestly frustrated when people say I’m hallucinating things that
I see. I get frustrated because I see those things and yet nobody seems to
understand my frustration. My therapist told me for about twenty minutes
yesterday that what I am seeing is not aimed at me. She repeatedly told me that
it’s not about me, there are no rumors, etc. My perceptions are off and I’m
hypervigilant.
I guess the greatest explanation I’ve come across regarding
my paranoia is that others are doing what I see, but I’m just hypersensitive to
it and it makes me paranoid. I think that makes the most sense.
I just can’t even explain my frustration when people say I’m
hallucinating what I see. To me, it’s reality and I don’t understand how what I
see is not actually happening.
How would you like people constantly questioning your reality?
But another part of me understands what they’re saying
because I know I’ve had auditory and visual hallucinations.
It’s very confusing.
Fortunately, my medications have worked to the point that I
see what’s happening (at least, I think I do), but it doesn’t really make me
paranoid. The medications calm me down so I’ve not on overdrive and hyperly
hypersensitive (yes, that’s a word).
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