Climbing Out of a Pit

By now, most of you know that I have recently been struggling with paranoia due to my schizoaffective disorder. I've been thinking people are spreading rumors about me, plotting to do something to me, etc.

But in the past few days, it's been better... Slowly, I am gaining control over my paranoia and moving forward.

The week before last, I didn't even want to leave my apartment but lately I've been outside, talking to people, and going for walks. Yesterday, I went to the lake on campus.

Here's a video I shot of the lake. This video doesn't really do enough justice to how truly beautiful this lake is, because this place is my heaven away from heaven.

I went to a pond near my home as well and saw this beautiful white bird. It let me come right up to it, about 2 feet away, which never happens.

Why are all of the things I'm doing like getting out of the house and going to the lake important?

Because it's my time with God. It's getting me out of the paranoia. God talks to me through birds, the sun, the trees, the beauty of His creation. He lets me know that He is there and that I can talk to Him anytime, especially when others are not available. He lets me know I am loved and He relieves my paranoia.

Getting out of a paranoid state is not an easy thing to do, but each day, I feel better. God is healing me and helping me through everything.

I feel as if I am climbing out of a pit and each step, I get closer to the light.

As I am writing this, I was reminded of a bird I saw this morning. It was a baby bird and it was on the ground trying to fly. It opened its wings but it couldn't fly.

In the same way, sometimes there are things that hold us back because we're afraid or we don't think we can do it. And watching the bird struggle reminded me that it's okay to struggle, but we must never give up. There will be times when we want to, but we must keep moving forward.