I write this afternoon in the chaos of a depressive state. There has been something going on in my family for the past few weeks which has been very difficult and triggering for me. For personal reasons, I will not discuss it here. This "something" that is happening usually causes me to stress out to the point that I go to the hospital. So I'm taking it one day at a time.
I know I'm currently battling depression...
Depressive states can just come on, but for me, they are more often situational. I basically don't want to do anything... I want to crawl up into a ball and cry. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't often cry.
I received some news and after church this morning, I decided to go for a walk in the pouring rain with no umbrella. It was healing in that I was able to cry in the pouring rain. I was able to give it all to God. There's something magical about crying in the rain or in the shower. It's almost as if the tears are washed away, along with the misery of being depressed.
For most of the day, I've been in bed resting. I know I am depressed when all I want to do is crawl up in bed or that it takes a lot of energy to make dinner.
What my family needs most right now is prayers. I believe we will get through this period of difficulty, as we have overcome so much already as a family. I just have to keep trusting God.
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