Stand Firm in the Silence

“So often I feel as if I’m zipping along, living my life, running hard to do God’s will- and then, out of nowhere, I lose my flow. I hit a spiritual low.”

-Steven Furtick, Greater

Life is not perfect. We are going to face difficult times. We are going to go through obstacles that we never planned. And sometimes we go through periods in our lives when we feel like God is distant and far away.

I know this on a personal level and I am sure you probably do too.

Having those times of God’s silence is normal. As I am not a pastor or a theologian, I am not going to say why we have those times, but I know that most people go through difficult times in their relationship with God.

When I attempted suicide in 2009 and was forced to take a medical leave, God used that time to heal me and our relationship. However, as I went back to school, my relationship with Him started to fade and become distant. It got to the point that one day, I posted on my Facebook that I did not want to hear about God from anyone. I was angry at Him. I almost doubted Him, even after He saved my life.

I believe that these times of God’s “silence” sometimes bring us closer to Him. If everything was perfect, why would we need God?

God can use anything to help us. Slowly but surely, my faith in God became stronger after this period in my life.

Most recently, I have been very close with God, but I have had a lot of setbacks. In the past few months, I have had a couple psychotic episodes which caused me to be hospitalized. During my most recent hospitalization, I felt very distant from God. I did not bring anything with me to the hospital except for my phone, which was taken away, so I had nothing to do. The hospital did not have any Bibles, so I was left with no way to really communicate with God except through prayer. Personally, I felt like everyone was giving up on me, since I had no visitors for the eight days I was there and the doctors were talking about placing me in a state mental institution. The longer I was in the hospital, the less hope I had in my future. I started to question God’s plan for my life.

But even in the times when I feel very distant from God, I know that He is intricately working things out in my life. He is constantly strengthening my faith even through the hard times. It is in those deep and dark times that my faith is tested. It is in those times that I truly have to lean on God to get through because I have no strength left. When I look back on everything I have overcome to get to where I am, I am overwhelmed as I see how God has given me the strength and courage to get through everything.

I believe that He works in all of our lives, whether we are close to Him or not. Whether we are a “good” Christian or not. You do not have to be perfect and without sin in order for God to love you. God loves each of us and He wants the best for us. You don’t have to do anything to receive His strength, grace or mercy. It is freely given. No matter how many times you fall down, flat on your face, He will pick you up.

For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again.

-Proverbs 24:16a (KJV)

After I attempted suicide in 2009, I was told by the doctors that I may have a spinal cord injury and that I may never walk again. This past year, I was training for a half marathon and began to run 6 minute miles. When I run, I feel the presence of God very strongly. When I run, I am constantly reminded of how truly lucky I am that God protected my life and preserved my back. Running is almost a prayer to Him, thanking Him for all that He has done in my life and for protecting me. It is through running that I heal from my past and am drawn to God. I know that God preserved my ability to run because He knew that it would bring me closer to Him. Even when things look so dark, so dreary, so impossible, as if there is no hope left, God is intricately working everything out for our good.

“Maybe one day we’ll see that the greatest setbacks in our lives were actually the greatest setups to seeing God’s glory in places we didn’t even know to look.”

-Steven Furtick, Greater

My hope is that no matter what you are going through or what you’re dealing with, that you have hope that God has a plan. His plans for us are greater than anything we can even imagine.

No matter what, just stand in the firm foundation of God.