What It Means To Follow Him

I just finished listening to the first three sermons by Andy Stanley. If you have time on your hands this summer, I would highly recommend listening to the series of Follow sermons.

In his second sermon in the Follow series, Andy focused on a familiar Bible story, one that I have heard many times and on which I gave a children’s sermon as a teenager. It is when Simon is told by Jesus to cast down his nets, after Simon had just given up for the day, unsuccessful at catching any fish. But nevertheless, Simon casts the nets down and they catch a ton of fish, so much so that the nets begin to break. Going through this miracle, Simon then says to Jesus, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” (Luke 5:8 (NIV))

As Andy talked about this story, he said that Jesus asked Simon to do something he had done hundreds and thousands of times before, but to do it differently. He made the decision to follow Christ's direction and witnessed a miracle.

As I was listening, I thought about all of the miracles that have occurred in my own life, the moments that have made me wonder why Jesus loved me so much even though I am a sinner. Most of my closest times with God occurred when I did something that I had done many times before but I did it differently.

For example, many of you know that I go to the lake a lot. When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time in nature. It calmed me and allowed me to survive many difficulties. Throughout my hardships in life, I always spent time in nature because it helped me to feel and see God. It helped me to experience God in a way that is very tangible. As I watched the birds soar in the sky, I imagined that I was one of them, soaring above the obstacles that I was facing, with my arms stretched out wide. But lately, I have been asking Him to reveal Himself to me through nature in a way that He never had before.

Some may know this story. When I was feeling really anxious and upset a few months ago, I went to the lake. God told me to look up and I saw a white bird fly across the sky. My anxiety literally was washed away, almost like it just evaporated. I saw white birds a lot over the next few weeks. 

My psychosis got very bad and I literally followed a flock of white birds to the hospital, where my body completely shut down. I did not eat, sleep or talk for two days and I still wonder how I got to the hospital. Once I got out of the hospital, I didn't really see the white birds anymore, until two days ago. Through this situation, God revealed Himself to me in a mighty way as my protector. He told me that He can use anything, including white birds, to save my life.

Am I surprised that I saw a ton of white birds at the exact time I needed to or that I was surrounded by them during my darkest time?

Not at all.

God uses everything and anything to help us on our walk with Him in His perfect timing.

Throughout my childhood and years growing up, I spent a lot of time praying to God. But until last October, when I fully and completely surrendered my life to God and His will for my life, many of the prayers were from my head and not my heart. Last October, I felt the call of God and I knelt on my knees, sobbing, telling God that I wanted to surrender my life to Him. I had heard many times about surrendering to God but October was the first time I really meant it with all of my being.

Is it any surprise that the day after I surrendered my life to God that I suffered a head concussion? Or that the doctors gave me a medication that caused me to have dystonia and I fought to overcome that for the next eight days? Or that I would be hospitalized five times since moving here last August? Or that I would be diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder a few months later? Or that I would be fired from my job?

Not at all.

Because when I prayed that prayer, I asked God to humble me. I asked Him to rid me of my pride. I truly surrendered my life to Him, with all of my soul, all of my mind, all of my heart... with all of my being.

When I had dystonic reactions, others mocked me, laughed at me, doubted me, made fun of me… Not being able to talk without stuttering was incredibly humbling. Losing my job had to be the most humbling experience of all because it was where all of my pride stemmed from. I thought I was the smartest PhD student that ever lived… But this semester, I learned that I am not. I learned what it means to fully rely on God’s strength to get through the day. I learned what it means to have lost everything but gained everything at the same time.

Isn’t that what faith means? Isn’t that what following God entails?

Just because we follow Jesus or have faith does not mean that everything will be a-okay and perfect. Trust me when I say it will not be perfect.

But it means that though we may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we know that God goes with us. We know that even if we lose our job, even if we face chronic illness, even if we do not know how we’ll make it by financially, we know that God cares about us and that He will never fail us. We know that He holds our lives in His hands and no matter what, His strength will carry us through. We don't just know these things. We feel them. We see them. We believe them. They are part of our existence and our precious time here on earth.

If you ask me how I am different than who I was when I first moved here and started graduate school, I would undoubtedly say that I feel closer to God. I have had to depend on Him in ways that I have never had to before. I have cried out to Him. I have questioned Him. But I spend more time with Him than I ever have before. I do things differently and even though I have faced tremendous difficulties and I am walking into the unknown, I follow Christ. To me, there’s no other choice.