Moving Forward

"As I have stated in the pages of this book, so many have tried to get me to say that my accident forty-three years ago was never part of God's plan. That my paralysis was never His intention. That quadriplegia was never necessary. That chronic pain didn't have to be. That suffering was never part of His plan. That the many tears and groans and struggles and sleepless nights were needless and a waste of my energy and my life.

I think differently.

It was all planned long ago, and God brought it about in His perfect faithfulness. And because He allowed it and permitted it, because He has walked with me through every moment of it, His plan has been marvelous for [me]."
-Joni Eareckson Tada, A Place of Healing

To tell you in a few words, this book helped change my life in the past two days. It only took me a few hours to read, yet it helped me more than words can say.

I made a few really deep realizations through reading this book, not necessarily things that were explicitly stated in the book but things I came to realize nonetheless.

I realized that I have been living in the past, somewhere that God does not want me to dwell. What's done is done. Gone and over with. I've let my flashbacks and PTSD keep me stuck somewhere that I don't need to be anymore. I am not an abused child anymore. I am a child of God.

I believe I am on the road to complete recovery. I wholeheartedly believe that my PTSD can go away, something that has been hard for me to believe for most of my life since I have been dealing with it for 11 years.

I realized, like Joni has, all that God has done in my life despite the challenges I have faced and that the difficulties are not mistakes but part of God's glorious plan. I have done great things despite endless challenges. I can't let the past overwhelm me because God has great plans for me.

I realized that the past was part of God's plan. I may not have liked it or like it now, but God allowed everything to happen in my life for a reason. I am putting my full trust in Him and His beautiful plan for my life.

I think my greatest realization is that I can heal. I don't necessarily know what healing will look like for me but I know that I don't have to be stuck in the past anymore. I can walk forward, knowing that the past is the past and that I don't have to be overwhelmed by the past in the present time. What happened is done and it's not happening anymore. I can walk into the future, with my hopes of being healed from my PTSD.