I am mentally drained from school this week and my week is not done yet. I handed in a 20 page homework full of mathematical calculations yesterday and I have an exam tomorrow that I've been studying for all week. But I took a break and went to Bible study last night.
We are reading The Ragamuffin Gospel and so far, the book is amazing. It has really opened my eyes in many ways.
One quote really stuck out to me while reading.
"When we accept ourselves for what we are, we decrease our hunger for power or the acceptance of others."
-Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
To tell you the truth, I don't know if I've truly accepted myself. I worry a lot about what others think about me and that tends to be because of my paranoia and psychosis. I still worry if people are spreading rumors about me. Deep down, I don't think I feel worthy of others' love and affection. I often feel like a burden to others. I feel like if I open myself up and tell others what I'm dealing with, I become a burden. I feel that the only way people can show me love is if it's superficial or that they "have to."
But God's love is different. He is opening my eyes to this fact. God loves us in a deep way and we are never a burden to Him. He won't spread rumors about us. He cares about us when no one else will. He created us and loves us deeply.
Through this realization, I am continuing to move forward and learning to accept myself. It's not an easy task but it's worth every moment.
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