Trust is a Five Letter Word

I wrote this "essay" on trust a few days ago during my ninth hospitalization. I was frustrated with quite a few people and I find that writing helps me to process things. I shared this with others in the hospital and they each got something very important out of it so I really felt called to share this with those who read this blog.

Trust is a five-letter world. Yet it is also one of the most difficult concepts in humanity. It is something so difficult, so convoluted but only five letters. To trust someone- or any aspect in our society- is to trust ourselves to make the right decisions. Although it is only a word, the concept of trusting someone is so difficult to comprehend and almost beyond impossible to follow through or act upon. As a child, you trust those around you to take care of you, to have your best interests at heart. In the hospital, you trust doctors to treat you well and to take the time to listen and to help you become better, healthier- to bring you out of whatever sickness or state that brought you there.

But people will fail. People will betray you. People will doubt the vey part of you that wants to be heard, understood- that voice waiting to emerge amidst all of the chaos and confusion. Slowly, you emerge- that voice emerges- and each day you take one step towards the truth. You take one step forward and then another. Others may not fully understand but they do not have to. You just want to move forward. You want to spread light and love to every crevice, every hole in the world.  You want to show love- not anger nor hate- just love. You want to spread the love of God.

What is the only thing in this world that can shine and truly fill the crevices and the holes in our lives, in those deep, dark places in our world and within our souls?

God. The love of God. The love that is God. The unconditional love. The love that shines even when you make inevitable mistakes. The love that shines even in the darkest pits.

There truly is no area, no space, nothing in our world that has never felt this love.

You ask why is there hate?

Why are there natural disasters?

Why are there wars?

Why are there so many negative things, so many negative events in our world?

I cannot explain that because I am just one person. One little person in a world with a sea of people. This world may not make sense and that is the point. We were not created to understand all of the negativity and evil on earth. We were created to love each other and to find some meaning for why God brought us to this earth. Why He chose you, me- all of us. We each have so much to offer the world- so much meaning. Only God can explain our meaning and the truth that is in each of us. There is more meaning in each of us than we can see here.

Our meaning is so far beyond comprehension- no human mind can even come close to understanding our meaning. We can study all the neurons, the cells in our bodies, the atoms which make up everything we see and do not see. We will spend eons and centuries trying to understand ourselves and God, but we simply cannot.

In the process of trying to understand and to be understood, we become even more confused. Our lives become more chaotic- a stream of subconscious mixed with conscious, darkness mixed with light, despair mixed with hope. Only God can bring some clarity to our minds flooded with the confusion. Only God and who He is can bring light to the chaotic mind flooded with both negative thoughts and positive thoughts.

The dichotomy of good and evil. That battle. It is not ours to fights. With God, good overcomes with confusion. That dark hole filled with a swirl of good and evil. We cannot understand and we will not understand. We cannot answer the questions of why, how, when, where. The answer lies in God. It is He who helps alleviate the confusion. Takes the clouds away and brings the sunlight of a new morning.