Wednesday, March 20, 2013

To Love Beyond The Hurt

“If I hadn’t let go of that anger, I’d be consumed by this need for revenge. Forgiving him helps me move on.” –Victoria Ruvolo

Yesterday afternoon, I went to the library to return some books. Since I have a bunch of books already out, I had not planned on looking for other books, but something told me to check the New Books section. I came across Max Lucado’s new book “Grace” and began reading it last night.

In this book, Max talks about Victoria Ruvolo’s story. A teenage boy tried to pull a prank on her, which ultimately landed her in the ICU struggling to stay alive. She chose to forgive this boy, though, and a judge gave him a reduced sentence.

Something that God has been speaking to me a lot about lately is forgiveness. Throughout my life, I have constantly been deeply hurt by those I loved the most. To tell you the truth, I love those people still, but deep inside, I do still feel angry about what they have done to me.

Why would they do that to me? Why was I not protected? Why have I protected others, but when it comes to protecting me, nobody was there? How could I be hurt so deeply by those I love and care for so much?

I also have some anger towards myself as well.

Why did I let them do those things to me? So what if I was a little kid and didn’t know any better- I knew it was not the right thing to do, so why did I do those things? Is there something wrong with me?

These are the questions I have been dealing with a lot lately.

Deep down, I know that if I want to move forward, then I need to forgive myself and also truly forgive those who have hurt me.

Part of the reason it has been so difficult to forgive is that most of those people have not really changed. Most of them have yet to even apologize for what they have done to me. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to forgive them if they keep doing the same thing that led me to forgive them in the first place.

But isn’t that how God works towards us?

I know personally that I have apologized to others and God for something and then continued to do the same thing, usually not on purpose. Sometimes I believe that true repentance is a process, not just a click of the finger and everything’s okay. To truly change a behavior takes time.

No matter what, though, God always forgives us. And His forgiveness is a gift, not something that we can earn by doing good things.

Max Lucado shines light on one of the most symbolic representations of the forgiveness we find in God. He talked about how Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. Jesus Christ became a servant and literally washed the feet of those who doubted him and even betrayed him.

I do not know if I would even be able to wash the feet of those people in my life who have hurt me so deeply.

But as Christians and as human beings, I believe that we are called to forgive. It’s not necessarily for those who have hurt us. It is about moving forward and not letting the anger rule our lives. It is not saying what the person did was right at all, which is something I have personally struggled with.

As I have shared previously, in the past few months when I was having bouts of spasms and stuttering, I was mocked, laughed at and ignored at various times by many people. In those times, I continually said to myself, “Forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.”

Jesus Christ came to love and to heal, yet he was mocked, laughed at, ignored, and eventually brutally murdered by those he loved. I find truth in those words that He said on the cross, because I have felt them and said them. I have prayed for and loved those who have hurt me, not by my strength but through God’s strength. The people who hurt me in the recent months and also throughout my life probably do not know the full extent of how deeply they hurt me. But they do not need to, because I still love them and I realize that they probably did not know everything that they were doing. They did not know everything that was going on. They did not realize how deeply it hurt to be laughed at when I was trying so hard to control my uncontrollable spasms. But I realized that in order for me to move forward, I needed to ask God to help me forgive them in those moments. I did not want anger to rule over me.

On a larger scale, I am currently working towards forgiving those who have hurt me on a much deeper level and for much longer periods of time in my life. Forgiveness, I think, is one of the most important steps in the healing process, but it tends to be the most difficult as well, especially forgiving ourselves.

I do not know everything about forgiveness, and I do not think I can honestly say that I have fully forgiven those in my past. But what I can say is that I am on the journey towards forgiveness and healing. Not for those who have hurt me. But for my ability to move forward and to do everything that God has called me to do. Again, forgiveness is a process and a journey.

To forgive is to live. To forgive is to heal. To forgive is to move forward.

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