"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."
-Romans 12:2 (NIV)
Fortunately, I have not had to live on the streets. But I was so close when my mom and I got evicted that we had to live in different homes of friends. Within a few months, I lived in over six homes and even before the eviction, I had lived in a few different homes after I ran away to try to get into a foster home.
I shared this morning on my Facebook about how I realized early on as a child that school was my way out from the issues and problems going on in my family. I knew that if I focused on my education, the most stable thing I've had in life apart from God, then I could possibly get out of the cycle and do something awesome with my life. I knew that without money I had no chance to go and since I grew up in a poor home, I had to work hard to get scholarships. My grandparents did save up money for the education of me and my brothers, but that money ultimately went towards drug addictions and my oldest brother's funeral costs. Having a dead-beat dad not paying child support did not make matters any better either...
As I watched my last family member get arrested by police at 3:16 in the morning at the age of sixteen, I promised myself that I would never do drugs or drink or let them rule over my life. To this day, I have never even touched alcohol or drugs. I did not sleep that night but I went to school the next day. I remember that the police came searching my home at 3:16am, because even though I felt extremely worried, scared and alone, the verse John 3:16 came to my mind the second I looked at my alarm clock and a sense of peace overwhelmed me.
I've had a lot of naysayers in my life, telling me that I wouldn't make it. Even people who encouraged me I often felt that inside, they thought I wouldn't break the cycle and get out of my situation. People still today ask me how I've made it so far having grown up in the type of home I did.
But am I mad at those naysayers?
Actually, not at all.
Having people who told me that I would not make it just fueled my motivation to prove them wrong and to depend on God for the strength and courage necessary to keep going in a positive direction.
Granted, I have had quite a few people who have taken time out of their lives to encourage me, listen to me, pray with me and support me. It is difficult to put into words what it meant and still means to have people care so much after being treated like I was and am not a person to be cared for, someone unworthy of true love and compassion... I have definitely had points in my life where I felt like a nobody and that all of my hard work was for nothing.
This life is not easy by any means, but we are blessed to live life, no matter how difficult it gets. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second is a precious gift from God.
Even more so, we are so incredibly blessed to have a God who is there for us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. He is not only there, but He is all around us and within us.
My greatest prayer while growing up in the situations I did was that God would use the situations to help me become more Christlike. If you think about it, Jesus broke all the traditions in society.
I was thinking about this earlier today and it occurred to me that I have broken quite a few "traditions" of society. When I was a teenager, I was known as an "at-risk" teenager due to my problems at home. But now I am a doctoral student (a female engineer) studying in one of the most difficult fields of study.
We do not have to let our circumstances rule our lives.
I had all the excuses in the world to end up in jail, dealing drugs or living on the streets.
But I did not want to.
I have always felt called by God for more. I've always felt that there's a much greater purpose for my life. So through the worst of times, I kept moving forward and today, I am thriving. Whenever the good Lord does take me home, I hope that I have left this world and the people who I interacted with in a better state than before I came into this world.
As I observed and lived through my family falling apart due to drugs and alcohol, the following verse really helped me to continue to keep my eyes, ears, soul, mind and spirit focused on God.
"And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit"
-Ephesians 5:18 (KJV)
When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, magical things can happen.
One of the greatest influential people in my life once said that everybody has things that they deal with that are out of their control, but what we can control are our reactions to those things.
While I am not perfect in so many ways, I am glad to have the strength of God to help me through my trials and to help me break the cycles within my family.
In Christ, we are called to be separated from this world because we realize that we are not of this world. Our home is so much more than the places we live on this earth.
Throughout my teenage years, I listened to a lot of emo, rap and punk rock songs and the following song really helped me overcome my struggles as a teenager. This song came into my life at the perfect time. Every time I listen to this song, it reminds me that we do not have to let the negativity bring us down and most importantly, keep us down. Whenever somebody says or does something very hurtful towards us, we have a choice: we can let them keep us down or we can continue to get up and keep fighting for a better day. I know that this song is far from a Christian song (there is a curse word in the song), but this song has been an important song in my life.
No matter what comes into your life or however many times you fall down, I hope you continue to get back up, allowing the arms of the Healer to lift you up.
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