The Twenty Dollar Bill

“First, [Mary Magdalene] was clean: the inner emotional turbulence had ended, and her tormented soul was at peace. Second she was given the gift of dignity and value. After years of hopelessness, she found someone who could free her. Someone who saw in her something worth saving, redeeming and loving…the weight of the world had been lifted from her fragile shoulders. It no longer mattered what others thought of her.” 

–Dr. Erwin Lutzer and Rebecca Lutzer, Jesus Lover of a Woman’s Soul

I read this quote earlier today as I sat at the lake. As I read these words, it really became apparent that God is doing this very same thing in my life. I often struggle with feeling not worth enough, not good enough, not this enough, and not that enough. In the process of trying to “fit in” with the people around me, sometimes my insecurity gets the best of me and I may boast about something that I did or do well.

But God loves humility. Think about it. Think about how different our world would be if Jesus had been all prideful and went around boasting about how many people he had healed or how many miracles he had performed.

As I have said in previous blogs, this Lent has been a journey in ridding myself of pride and the insecurities that lead me to be prideful. I know I have hurt many people in the process of trying to make myself feel less insecure. Each day, God is teaching me more and more about Himself . How powerful HE is. How gracious HE is. How loving HE is. How wonderful HE is.

This life is not all about us. It is about making some difference in the world we live in. This world we have been blessed to live on. And yeah… it is difficult.

I spent the past 9 days or so in a hospital and I cannot describe how blessed I feel to be alive… not only alive but that I can walk, talk, eat, run, read, write, draw, take photographs. I even have a smartphone! I am blessed beyond belief by God. People say I have a very difficult life, but there are people who have it much worse. This life is not easy and all of us deal with our own obstacles, but we have a God who is so much bigger than any of the obstacles we deal with here on earth.

A reason I really liked the quote above was that it broke what Jesus did for Mary Magdalene into two parts: cleansing/refreshing and the gift of dignity and value.

I personally struggle sometimes to feel worth it. Deep inside, I do not feel clean. I do not feel worthy of God’s love, especially because of all the mistakes I have made. It’s in those times that I remind myself that God forgives me. He already did. And He does. I believe that sometimes the most difficult forgiveness is actually forgiving myself.

The second part- the gift of dignity and value- is also something that I struggle with. So often I try to find my value in how other people view me. Do they like me? What do they think of me after that? Did I say the wrong thing? What do they think of me now?

Put simply, our greatest worth is found in God. I am God’s child. You are God’s child. We all have worth more powerful than any material possession we can find here on earth. The closer I feel to God, the less I care about what other people think of me, because God’s love is so much bigger, so beyond anything else on this earth that it fulfills me to the core. No matter what I’ve done, no matter what others have done to me, He loves me and always will. And that goes for you as well.

I’d like to end this post with something I heard many years ago at CreationFest, a festival with Christian music and speakers.

The speaker, who I cannot remember right now, held up a twenty dollar bill. He spat on it, crumpled it up, threw it on the ground, and moved his foot all over it, stomping on it and kicking it around. He then held it up and asked how much the bill was worth. The answer was that it was still worth twenty dollars.

That powerful illustration still encourages me to this day, because I (as well as so many) have felt spat on, crumpled up, thrown out and kicked around. I have had moments of being used, abused and taken advantage of.

But do those moments change how much you or I are worth to God and worth to this world?

Not at all.

When you find your worth in God, it truly does not matter how much money is in your bank account, if you have the perfect shirt or pants, or the perfect face. Because when you find your worth in God, you realize how precious and how fearfully and wonderfully created you really are.

Listen to God, because He always says, “You are worth it. You are my precious child. Nothing in this world, absolutely nothing can ever or will ever take away your worth. Find your dignity and value in me, not the things of this world.”