Our True Definition

“Your past doesn’t define who you’re going to be. It’s okay to look back in the rearview mirror, but don’t stare. You can learn from your history, but don’t let it define you.” –Almost Home, pg. 171

As I read this earlier, the sheer power in these simple words really spoke to me. Something that I have been struggling with for the past few years, especially after leaving my home to go to college, was the collision of my past with my future. As I have mentioned before, it’s like I live two lives: the overachiever/perfectionist and the person who deeply hurts and is struggling to get through each day. Needless to say, it is confusing. Not only to me, but also to those around me.

However, my past does not define who I am. Who I am is someone who has overcome many challenges and risen above them by the grace of God. Who I am is somebody who was told many times that I would not make it, that I have been through too much and that I would end up on the streets, doing drugs. But I did not. I am still here, continually fighting.

I can say from experience that the circumstances of your childhood and throughout your life do not have to define who you are. They can be a part of who you are, but you are not defined by your circumstances. The moment I watched my last family member get arrested was very difficult, but it was one of the most pivotal moments in my life as well. It was in that moment that I realized I had a choice to make, a very important one: either I was going to follow the same route or I was going to break the cycle and do something amazing with my life. I chose the latter.

Our true definition is found in God. We are His children and He cares deeply about each of us.

Sometimes that is really difficult to believe or even say. I know, because when I am reminded of my past constantly, I often wonder if I am really His. I mean, why would all of these people in my life, people I trusted, do such awful things? Something must really be wrong with me...

That is not what God says to us though.

God tells us that we are worth it, when everyone around us tells us we are worthless. God tells us that we are strong, when everyone and everything tells us we are weak. God tells us that we are beautiful, when everything around us tells us we are ugly. God helps us to piece back our life, when everything around us is broken, when every part of our soul feels shattered.

He never lets go of us, no matter how far away we feel.

What I love about the quote above also is that it reminds us that we can learn from our history. We can learn from our past. Not just on an international or a national level, but also on a deeper personal level. A large part of my success in life has come from the moments when I had to do everything possible to survive. I learned to be creative. I learned to use what I had to get through, to overcome and to move forward. I learned to make the most of everything that I was given.

I know firsthand that some of our greatest gifts in this life come from our deepest and darkest times.

It is in those moments that we learn to truly and fully rely on God to get through the storms.

I wanted to leave with another quote, a few pages later in the same book…

“I became compassionate because there was a time I needed compassion. I’m so caring because there was a time I wanted someone to care.” -Almost Home

As I have relived and continue to relive my past through flashbacks, nightmares and intrusive memories, I continually realize how incredibly blessed I am to be where I am. No matter how difficult all of my situations were and still are, I am incredibly blessed. My greatest gifts came from having to survive the unimaginable.