"You will never learn faith in comfortable surroundings. God gives us His promises in a quiet hour, seals our covenants with great and gracious words, and then steps back, waiting to see how much we believe. He then allows the Tempter to come, and the ensuing test seems to contradict all that He has spoken. That is when faith wins its crown."
-L.B. Cowman, Streams in the Desert, Jan. 4 Devotion
"I began to believe my life could amount to more than a string of painful days to be survived...I came to see that, with the help of my Higher Power, I could handle anything that came to pass and even grow as I did so."
-Courage to Change (Alanon book), Jan. 4 Devotion
For most of my life, I have felt like my life is just a string of horrible events. But I am coming to realize that there is more to the horrible things that have happened in my life... My life is more than the abuse, loss, homelessness, neglect and mental illnesses I have survived.
God can use even the most difficult things in our lives to show His grace and mercy.
I can tell you that from experience.
I've been dealing with minor paranoia for the past few days, the same paranoia that I dealt with for the past few months. It was gone for a few weeks, but it's back. I don't know if it's stress or what, but it is difficult to deal with. I believe people are talking about me. Even my nightmares are back with a vengeance.
I do not know why I am continually being tested but I will keep moving forward. I have therapy today, which I am really excited about because it is a huge step forward. Therapy is somewhere where I am allowed to talk about everything... Let it all out and move forward.
In many ways, I wish the paranoia would end, but I know that it is all part of God's plan. I don't know why but it is. And I will hold on to the promise of God that I will get through this. And the fact that I can handle anything that comes to pass in my lifetime.
I will hold on to my faith...
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