My Rock

"This is the day on which another year closes. It is a good time for a quiet, honest look at my personal progress. Has it been a good year, better than those which went before?... I will live just one day at a time, making each one better than the last, as I grow in confidence and faith."
-One Day at a Time (Alanon book), Dec. 31 Devotion

In the past few days, I have reflected upon this last year as this year comes to a close.

At the beginning of this year, I was manic as could be. I was getting ready for a half marathon, running 6 minute miles, excited for my future, and ready to finish my PhD program by the age of 25.

I never could have imagined the chaos that was on its way, the chaos of severe mental illness...

My world was literally turned upside down, twisted and thrown every which way when paranoia and psychosis entered my world. Everything that I knew and loved became chaos. Except, of course, my relationship with God.

My relationship with God was my rock during this time. I was hospitalized four times between January and April. I missed more than two months of classes but I still held on. I kept my eyes on my Rock and my Healer and He held on to me.

Eventually I was released from my last hospitalization on April 10, my birthday and on that day, I was given a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. The chaos finally had a name. I finally had an answer to what was shaking my world. And I made the executive decision to take it one day at a time and try to defeat this new evil in my life.

And I did... except one thing... I was not in the PhD program anymore. It was a hard thing to come to terms with, but I did and I moved full force ahead in the Masters program. I spent the summer working a small, easy job and then one month out of the hospital became two, then three, then four... then eventually eight months out of the hospital and I'm still running full speed ahead.

This year ends on a very high note, even with all of the chaos that occurred... I graduated with my Masters, despite all of the challenges I faced. And for that, I am very grateful. I still can't believe I graduated... It is a complete blessing.

And I am looking forward to 2014 as another great year, one that I will continue to defeat obstacles, as I have this year.

Happy New Year y'all!