This past week I listened to "Rivals" by Citizen Way at least 80 times. This past week I needed those lyrics to get through one of the most challenging week I have ever been through. I could have ended up on the inpatient unit at the hospital about 5 times.
Instead of focusing on what went wrong, I would like to focus on what went RIGHT and even some divine intervention. I do not believe God could have orchestrated it any better.
Last Thursday was around the time that I started to break down and fall apart. I was outside and a yellow butterfly landed right next to me. It was gorgeous and possibly one of the most beautiful butterflies I've seen. And it is not a normal sight near where I live. The butterfly not only reminded me that I am going through a transformative stage in my life. It also brought me to a situation two months ago when I saw a butterfly inside. A friend and I helped release that butterfly outside. It was one of the most magical moments, as it flew away. It was freed. That butterfly was used to tell me that God can free me from all of the difficulties I am currently dealing with, as He does for all of us.
On Monday, I was struggling and going downhill quicker than Michael Phelps can swim a lap. The weather was dark with a ton of rain coming down. Those who know me well know that I do not stop walking or raining in the snow or rain. I absolutely love running. I went outside to run and walk to deal with my struggles. I was kind of angry that it was raining, to be honest. The next time I went out the front door, I noticed that there was a clearing in the sky. Almost instantaneously, the sky opened up. The sun came out. It was another magical moment this week. God told me very clearly, "I understand you are going through this rough time, but I am here for you. I will help you get through this, just as I cleared up the sky in an instant. Things will get better."
Another day this past week (possibly Wednesday), I was listening to "Just Say Jesus" by 7eventh Time Down. All of a sudden, I listened to the lyrics and REALLY listened. The gist of the song is that things can get downright difficult, downright almost like hell on earth. BUT if you remind yourself about Jesus and how He saved all of us, you will get through anything. I saw what looked like an eagle (could've been anything- what matters most is what I perceived it to be.) I must have stood outside for 5 minutes listening to the song a few times and watching the eagle. To me, eagles signify strength, perseverance and hope. In that moment, God told me that I have the strength to "soar" through the storms of life. If I say Jesus instead of focusing on the negative, I can get through this. This is another situation that reminded me that God is more powerful than anything that comes my way.
The last really big moment for me happened on Thursday. I went to the hospital for a therapy appointment that I had planned two weeks ago. Needless to say, God knew the exact time I would need therapy. I had been suffering all week. In my therapist's office, I cried and had a meltdown. I told her some of my struggles and that the medication I was on was making me worse. She called the psychiatrist to come into her office to evaluate me, which he did. They said I was decompensating rapidly but I gathered myself and said I did not want to go to the inpatient unit. I was simply asking for a medication change. My psychiatrist took away the problem medication and added two medications.
The next morning, I woke up calm. I had some trouble sleeping, because my body was readjusting, especially my brain. I went out the next day and my symptoms were almost gone. I found out that the problem medication can cause a life-threatening condition that can cause paranoia, tremors and all kinds of things that I went through this past week.
I want to thank God for giving me signs throughout the week that He was listening and fighting with me and on my behalf. I don't believe in God because I am religious. I believe in God because I have learned to listen to Him. I don't really hear any voices. I see little situations in my life that remind me how much He cares. Even when I am symptomatic, I ask God to give me signs that He cares or messages to help me get through. The fact that my therapist and my psychiatrist both had the time to see me and talk to me to try to keep me out of inpatient is more than a coincidence. It was divine intervention.
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