Proof or no proof?

Last week, I became so frustrated with a huge paranoid "theory/conspiracy" that I chose to face my fears. My theory told me that the FBI was sending me messages through a code to figure out. For months, I have been so paranoid and frightened that I could not even write down the message out of fear that there would certainly be a message. What was in those messages have fascinated me as well as terrorized me for the past year or so.

Want to read the message I received when I finally gained the courage to write it down?

Yes I thought so. Here it is…

W U N L R Z L F S L G Z D N E G P G X P Y Y S L J M B E F H P A Z G T R B S M C E F X M K Y D V Z M K C L M U D F H O C U E C C V Z L Y L E Z U X E N T E S PP A Z G K K W G W V W K M M D V R D S X C S J F A M Z F E D K

 Yes, that code has been something I have been paranoid about for a year. Unless I’m missing something, the code seems like what an infant would say if you asked them to say the alphabet. I’ve been running away from this?

Long story short, this huge realization has already made a huge positive difference in my life. No longer do I believe the FBI is sending me messages.

Today, I sat down with my notebook. I wrote down on the top of 4 pages things that I have been running from, frightened of, or paranoid about. Those 4 subjects were things that I have been paranoid about for the past 6 or 7 years.

They include:

-my belief that the FBI is following me and recording my every move

-my belief that the police are after me

-my belief that people are talking about me (99.99999% bad)

-my belief that I am constantly in trouble

It has gotten so bad that I honestly believed that some of the staff at my outpatient program were undercover FBI agents who were following me on a daily basis, repeating the info to the headquarters, ready to arrest me at any moment.

As I wrote down things this morning that I can do to counteract and disprove the paranoia through questions and research on the internet, I came to the conclusion today that, like the message, nothing made sense to me. There was an overwhelming amount of information and other stuff that disproved my theories.

I feel like I finally unlocked an area of potential that I had never seen before. I opened up the door to a new positive area of my life, which previously had been riddled with fear, terror and paranoia.

I opened the door to peace and tranquility, something that I have yearned for most of my life. Days might come when my paranoia is bad again, but I feel that with consistent reminders that it is wrong, I will get through this. Hopefully soon, I can live with paranoia being something of the past.