The words are escaping me. I do not really know what to say. I do not want to eat. I've had nightmares that awaken me at all hours of the night. I look around myself and I see her. I hear her cursing at us at the top of her lungs. I hear her screams and also my screams in my head, silently screaming. We all went from 0 to 60 in 1 second. The adrenaline still flows through my veins despite knowing that it happened three days ago. It honestly feels like it happened a few seconds ago.
I find myself having a cup in my hand ready to drink from it and freezing for 30 seconds only to "awaken" and drink. Or riding on the bus looking out the windows while the bus driver says "Here we are." The tape goes over and over in my head. The first image. The screams. The police. The sirens. The chase. The silent screams. The deep breath. I cannot seem to get out of it.
I am stuck in those thirty minutes and I wonder to myself when it will end.
I have had my headphones in my ears everywhere I've gone for the past 3 days because it helps to silence the screams. I try to listen to the words instead of the replaying video. Sometimes it helps. Most times it does not.
I've had a lot of traumatic experiences but this one is different. I never thought I would see this in my lifetime.
I don't really have any other words other than that I am glad she is alive. I helped save her life but I do not think I am some kind of hero. Ultimately I am thankful to God for saving her. I was just an instrument.
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