Change

On my way back home this afternoon from a store, I was thinking a lot about my paranoia symptoms. As many people know, I like to think and analyze different things.

I realized that being paranoid is a lot like being in solitary confinement. I often cannot get out of the symptoms easily, no matter how many people I check facts with. I often find that nobody experiences the paranoia like I do (not because I am special, which I am not, but because of my different body chemistry and life experiences). I also do not think my symptoms are worse than anyone else that deals with the paranoia or any other symptoms, just different.

I often feel as if there is nobody I can talk to, nobody that understands and that everyone else is after me. Case in point: Today, I thought that everybody I came in contact with is behind this big scheme against me to get me in so much trouble that someone will kill me. I often believe that everyone's lives would be better without me. Sometimes, like I think many people in solitary confinement deal with, I lose touch with reality and get locked into my own emotions.

I am put in the middle of two worlds: The Truth and The False. My mind tries to overcome and challenge the negative thoughts. I am currently meditating anywhere between 5-10 times a day varying from 5-30 minutes per time. Meditation helps me tremendously to slow down and be in the present moment. Meditation also helps me to find The Truth.

Today was not half as bad symptom-wise as it usually is for me. I have been making a ton of new changes in my schedule during the day and at night. For example, I noticed that if I do not receive enough sleep, my paranoia and other symptoms usually are worse. In order to combat this, I have come up with "Sleep Rules" based on various sleep hygiene recommendations. I don't use any electronics after 7pm, about 1.5-2 hours before my bedtime. In that time before I start to sleep, I take a nice warm bath, listen to classical music, listen to some meditations I have, color or read a book, all with the lights dimmed. I started this routine on Friday and I have seen a significant reduction in my symptoms as well as being more able to handle and deal with the symptoms when they arise.

Living well does not always require gigantic changes. Sometimes it only requires a few changes in your schedule to change your life for the better.

There is always hope, joy, peace and calm to be found in this lifetime, no matter how many different challenges you are faced with.