Today was the most difficult day for me in the past two and a half weeks. I woke up with some paranoia, did some meditation and my entire morning routine. I was alright for most of the day, except some high anxiety and mild paranoia.
I meditated to positive affirmations a few minutes before writing this post. I really needed to meditation and my anxiety is gone... and I mean, really gone. Not just for a few minutes or so.
As I was listening to the meditation, I thought about everything that I've been blessed with or that is going well in my life. Sometimes I get so stuck in what negative things because I am so used to bad things- abuse, mental illness symptoms, neglect, homelessness, suicidal ideation, etc. The list could go on forever. However, the list of positives greatly outweigh the negatives. If you know anything about abstract algebra, you know that there are different sizes of infinity.
Positivity >> Negativity
Today, I awoke to birds chirping. I turned my lights on- I have a lamp and overhead light, which allow me to dim the room during my morning and night routine. I have a laptop through which I can communicate with people all around the world, look for endless information, listen to music and meditations. I have a phone through which I talk to, laugh, cry with and express myself to friends and family. I have a loving family in many different areas of my life. I have food in the refrigerator. I can hear, speak, walk, run, see and eat. I have enough clothing.
May we always be reminded of how fortunate we are.
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Saturday, March 25, 2017
Self-Awareness Case Study
Many of you know that I am returning to a graduate school in order to receive my second Master's degree. In the last few months, I have struggled much with symptoms, namely flashbacks and paranoia. In school, I studied a few Statistics courses.
Over the last two weeks, I started my own experiment on myself, technically called a case study with oneself.
I sat down and took notes on what I wanted to change in my life. I said to myself, "Something's gotta change. I can't just stay paranoid or have flashbacks for the rest of my life. I need to rethink how I live my life."
So I basically turned my life right-side-up. I majorly changed how I fall asleep, how I wake up in the morning, completed Orientation for graduate school, started reading books again (mainly self help), took my first injection of a medication and meditated over 3 times a day.
I slowed everything down.
This is where I tell you the success or failure of my "self-awareness case study." The only thing that I could have done better is not changed everything at the same time. Any good experimenter knows that you should only make one change at a time so you can see which of the things significantly increase quality of life. I was too excited to wait so I changed everything at once.
I have to share that all of these changes I have made my life so much easier, more meaningful, exciting, peaceful and beautiful. All of my goals and hypothesis came true in this experiment. I have found that my paranoia has nearly gone away, I am more happy and calm. In fact, I am so much calmer that I have handled difficult and triggering situations, feelings and emotions and without running away or becoming too emotional. I have remained calm in situations that used to make me cry or run away. I am able to concentrate and focus even in situations that used to make me dissociation.
Life is beautiful and I think this experiment just goes to show that you have the choice to stay stuck in the negative or move forward into the positive things that God has planned for you.
For me, I am working on maintaining this experiment and using the tricks I have learned to better my life.
Over the last two weeks, I started my own experiment on myself, technically called a case study with oneself.
I sat down and took notes on what I wanted to change in my life. I said to myself, "Something's gotta change. I can't just stay paranoid or have flashbacks for the rest of my life. I need to rethink how I live my life."
So I basically turned my life right-side-up. I majorly changed how I fall asleep, how I wake up in the morning, completed Orientation for graduate school, started reading books again (mainly self help), took my first injection of a medication and meditated over 3 times a day.
I slowed everything down.
This is where I tell you the success or failure of my "self-awareness case study." The only thing that I could have done better is not changed everything at the same time. Any good experimenter knows that you should only make one change at a time so you can see which of the things significantly increase quality of life. I was too excited to wait so I changed everything at once.
I have to share that all of these changes I have made my life so much easier, more meaningful, exciting, peaceful and beautiful. All of my goals and hypothesis came true in this experiment. I have found that my paranoia has nearly gone away, I am more happy and calm. In fact, I am so much calmer that I have handled difficult and triggering situations, feelings and emotions and without running away or becoming too emotional. I have remained calm in situations that used to make me cry or run away. I am able to concentrate and focus even in situations that used to make me dissociation.
Life is beautiful and I think this experiment just goes to show that you have the choice to stay stuck in the negative or move forward into the positive things that God has planned for you.
For me, I am working on maintaining this experiment and using the tricks I have learned to better my life.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Just the Beginning
Have you ever heard the saying "you don't know how lucky you are until you lose something you love"? I was just thinking about that, especially today. This afternoon I was able to gain some closure over a friend's recent passing.
I talked about an hour ago with a family member who is nearly 96 years old. We haven't always agreed on everything and we've also had tough times and situations. But she said something profound. She told me "You are only at the beginning of your life and I am at the end of mine. Your life is important.... God will help you."
Those words meant and continue to mean a lot to me. I was reminded how much our lives are so intertwined and precious. I find a lot of meaning in my life, especially through getting to know others as well as helping at least one person a day.
We do not need to save the world but rather we can do little things for others that make a difference.
I talked about an hour ago with a family member who is nearly 96 years old. We haven't always agreed on everything and we've also had tough times and situations. But she said something profound. She told me "You are only at the beginning of your life and I am at the end of mine. Your life is important.... God will help you."
Those words meant and continue to mean a lot to me. I was reminded how much our lives are so intertwined and precious. I find a lot of meaning in my life, especially through getting to know others as well as helping at least one person a day.
We do not need to save the world but rather we can do little things for others that make a difference.
Saturday, March 18, 2017
Total 180
Oh Goodness Gracious do I have a lot to share about my recent lifestyle changes I made last weekend. Before I speak any further, I want to share that I have had a significant reduction in my symptoms. I have been functioning a lot more and better.
So here goes the 6 things I have brought into my life to deal with symptoms this past week...
1) Nightly Routine
I have drastically changed my night routine. Before this week, sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night as well as well as having issues falling asleep. I also used to dwell in paranoia when I woke up.
Curremtly, I have used some sleep hygiene "rules." I turn off all electronics between 7-7:30pm, except when I use my computer or phone to play a meditation or an emergency. After 7:30pm, I take a warm bath, meditate and read a book, all with dimmed lighting to foster calm feelings. When I feel tired enough, I get into bed and fall asleep.
2) Morning Routine
Prior to this week, I noticed that I woke up a lot with paranoid thoughts. I just laid there thinking negative thoughts.
Now, I put the dim lighting on again, and I write 3 things in my morning journal (3 Good things that happened the day before, 1 thing that needs improvement and 1 affirmation.). I have noticed that I currently wake up in a much more positive state in mind.
3) Meditating
Before this past week, I only occasionally meditated. This week, I meditated 3-5 times a day. I have seen a great difference in how I deal with difficult things that would have sent me into a spiral. I have been calm and positive. I also focus and concentrate a lot more and more easily. I listen to meditations online and a meditation CD that I bought a few years ago.
4) Orientation and Getting Ready for School
In case you did not hear, I was accepted to a top online MSW program. I have spent a lot of time this week getting ready for school, something that I am very passionate about. The excitement and anticipation has helped me to feel more hope.
5) Injection
Before this week, I took all of my pills orally. However, I took personal responsibility over the fact that I missed my medications twice in two weeks. I made a connection that whenever I forget to take a medication, even once, it shakes me up. So I asked my doctor if I could receive an injection for one of my medications. My psychiatrist said that if I take the injection, I won't be as affected by a lost dose.
I got my first injection this past week and I've had no side effects so far. I've also had minimum symptoms.
6) Reactions to Difficult Situations
Someone I talked to recently told me that I need to work on how I handle difficult and triggering situations. That's why it is something that I am working on. I cannot always expect others to comfort me or be there for me. This past week, especially on Friday, I was faced with a few situations that in the past would have sent me into a tailspin. Instead of running away, I faced those situations, meditated or used deep breathing to calm down and eventually dealt with the situation very well, with no help from others.
So here goes the 6 things I have brought into my life to deal with symptoms this past week...
1) Nightly Routine
I have drastically changed my night routine. Before this week, sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night as well as well as having issues falling asleep. I also used to dwell in paranoia when I woke up.
Curremtly, I have used some sleep hygiene "rules." I turn off all electronics between 7-7:30pm, except when I use my computer or phone to play a meditation or an emergency. After 7:30pm, I take a warm bath, meditate and read a book, all with dimmed lighting to foster calm feelings. When I feel tired enough, I get into bed and fall asleep.
2) Morning Routine
Prior to this week, I noticed that I woke up a lot with paranoid thoughts. I just laid there thinking negative thoughts.
Now, I put the dim lighting on again, and I write 3 things in my morning journal (3 Good things that happened the day before, 1 thing that needs improvement and 1 affirmation.). I have noticed that I currently wake up in a much more positive state in mind.
3) Meditating
Before this past week, I only occasionally meditated. This week, I meditated 3-5 times a day. I have seen a great difference in how I deal with difficult things that would have sent me into a spiral. I have been calm and positive. I also focus and concentrate a lot more and more easily. I listen to meditations online and a meditation CD that I bought a few years ago.
4) Orientation and Getting Ready for School
In case you did not hear, I was accepted to a top online MSW program. I have spent a lot of time this week getting ready for school, something that I am very passionate about. The excitement and anticipation has helped me to feel more hope.
5) Injection
Before this week, I took all of my pills orally. However, I took personal responsibility over the fact that I missed my medications twice in two weeks. I made a connection that whenever I forget to take a medication, even once, it shakes me up. So I asked my doctor if I could receive an injection for one of my medications. My psychiatrist said that if I take the injection, I won't be as affected by a lost dose.
I got my first injection this past week and I've had no side effects so far. I've also had minimum symptoms.
6) Reactions to Difficult Situations
Someone I talked to recently told me that I need to work on how I handle difficult and triggering situations. That's why it is something that I am working on. I cannot always expect others to comfort me or be there for me. This past week, especially on Friday, I was faced with a few situations that in the past would have sent me into a tailspin. Instead of running away, I faced those situations, meditated or used deep breathing to calm down and eventually dealt with the situation very well, with no help from others.
Monday, March 13, 2017
Change
On my way back home this afternoon from a store, I was thinking a lot about my paranoia symptoms. As many people know, I like to think and analyze different things.
I realized that being paranoid is a lot like being in solitary confinement. I often cannot get out of the symptoms easily, no matter how many people I check facts with. I often find that nobody experiences the paranoia like I do (not because I am special, which I am not, but because of my different body chemistry and life experiences). I also do not think my symptoms are worse than anyone else that deals with the paranoia or any other symptoms, just different.
I often feel as if there is nobody I can talk to, nobody that understands and that everyone else is after me. Case in point: Today, I thought that everybody I came in contact with is behind this big scheme against me to get me in so much trouble that someone will kill me. I often believe that everyone's lives would be better without me. Sometimes, like I think many people in solitary confinement deal with, I lose touch with reality and get locked into my own emotions.
I am put in the middle of two worlds: The Truth and The False. My mind tries to overcome and challenge the negative thoughts. I am currently meditating anywhere between 5-10 times a day varying from 5-30 minutes per time. Meditation helps me tremendously to slow down and be in the present moment. Meditation also helps me to find The Truth.
Today was not half as bad symptom-wise as it usually is for me. I have been making a ton of new changes in my schedule during the day and at night. For example, I noticed that if I do not receive enough sleep, my paranoia and other symptoms usually are worse. In order to combat this, I have come up with "Sleep Rules" based on various sleep hygiene recommendations. I don't use any electronics after 7pm, about 1.5-2 hours before my bedtime. In that time before I start to sleep, I take a nice warm bath, listen to classical music, listen to some meditations I have, color or read a book, all with the lights dimmed. I started this routine on Friday and I have seen a significant reduction in my symptoms as well as being more able to handle and deal with the symptoms when they arise.
Living well does not always require gigantic changes. Sometimes it only requires a few changes in your schedule to change your life for the better.
There is always hope, joy, peace and calm to be found in this lifetime, no matter how many different challenges you are faced with.
I realized that being paranoid is a lot like being in solitary confinement. I often cannot get out of the symptoms easily, no matter how many people I check facts with. I often find that nobody experiences the paranoia like I do (not because I am special, which I am not, but because of my different body chemistry and life experiences). I also do not think my symptoms are worse than anyone else that deals with the paranoia or any other symptoms, just different.
I often feel as if there is nobody I can talk to, nobody that understands and that everyone else is after me. Case in point: Today, I thought that everybody I came in contact with is behind this big scheme against me to get me in so much trouble that someone will kill me. I often believe that everyone's lives would be better without me. Sometimes, like I think many people in solitary confinement deal with, I lose touch with reality and get locked into my own emotions.
I am put in the middle of two worlds: The Truth and The False. My mind tries to overcome and challenge the negative thoughts. I am currently meditating anywhere between 5-10 times a day varying from 5-30 minutes per time. Meditation helps me tremendously to slow down and be in the present moment. Meditation also helps me to find The Truth.
Today was not half as bad symptom-wise as it usually is for me. I have been making a ton of new changes in my schedule during the day and at night. For example, I noticed that if I do not receive enough sleep, my paranoia and other symptoms usually are worse. In order to combat this, I have come up with "Sleep Rules" based on various sleep hygiene recommendations. I don't use any electronics after 7pm, about 1.5-2 hours before my bedtime. In that time before I start to sleep, I take a nice warm bath, listen to classical music, listen to some meditations I have, color or read a book, all with the lights dimmed. I started this routine on Friday and I have seen a significant reduction in my symptoms as well as being more able to handle and deal with the symptoms when they arise.
Living well does not always require gigantic changes. Sometimes it only requires a few changes in your schedule to change your life for the better.
There is always hope, joy, peace and calm to be found in this lifetime, no matter how many different challenges you are faced with.
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Open and Honest
Today was difficult and trying at times, but it was also a very productive day in the sense that I learned more about myself. I am working on bettering my life in quite a few ways. One of the things I am currently working on is boundaries.
Setting boundaries is an important subject in dealing with mental illnesses because it is necessary and mandatory to have healthy boundaries.
Boundaries have not always been a strong point for me with others. I believe it comes from having grown up in a family with barely any boundaries.
I have shared a lot about my life and personal history with people around me and on this blog in order to help others understand mental illnesses. If I trust someone enough to open up with them, sometimes I feel that it is required to share EVERYTHING that I am feeling or have dealt with. I want to be understood in a way that is unrealistic since nobody will ever fully understand what I am going through or talking about. Sometimes I find someone I trust and my sharing begins as a single drop of water and quickly becomes an overwhelming waterfall.
I have to take personal responsibility and realize that sometimes I may go overboard with sharing my past or even current situations. I cannot email, text or call someone every time I am upset because I am an adult. I am learning how to deal with my symptoms and situations more independently.
Boundaries are good. Sometimes boundaries are tough to manage. Boundaries can be healthy, though, especially in making relationships last. Boundaries are necessary.
Setting boundaries is an important subject in dealing with mental illnesses because it is necessary and mandatory to have healthy boundaries.
Boundaries have not always been a strong point for me with others. I believe it comes from having grown up in a family with barely any boundaries.
I have shared a lot about my life and personal history with people around me and on this blog in order to help others understand mental illnesses. If I trust someone enough to open up with them, sometimes I feel that it is required to share EVERYTHING that I am feeling or have dealt with. I want to be understood in a way that is unrealistic since nobody will ever fully understand what I am going through or talking about. Sometimes I find someone I trust and my sharing begins as a single drop of water and quickly becomes an overwhelming waterfall.
I have to take personal responsibility and realize that sometimes I may go overboard with sharing my past or even current situations. I cannot email, text or call someone every time I am upset because I am an adult. I am learning how to deal with my symptoms and situations more independently.
Boundaries are good. Sometimes boundaries are tough to manage. Boundaries can be healthy, though, especially in making relationships last. Boundaries are necessary.
Up Since 4am
I have been up since 4am or so just lying in my bed with ten million things going through my head. All negative. All paranoid.
This has become a routine in my mind. My mind playing tricks on me. Running through everything that has happened in my life. There must be a conspiracy against me. The situations around the world are all my fault.
The world does not revolve around me. Or does it? Or am I symptomatic? Are people hiding something from me? Is their laughter because of a common joke that everyone has against me? Am I missing something? Is this all a prank?
I am sharing this because I want to provide a real account of what it is like to struggle with paranoia on a daily basis. There are thousands of people just like me who deal with these questions and thoughts every single day.
It is not easy to deal with terror and intense fear every day. But as I said in last night's post, I am blessed to have difficulties in life because it makes the light of God shine even brighter. I cannot even begin to explain how good it feels when I fact-check with someone and I come to realize that these thoughts are just that- thoughts. It is my "mind playing tricks on me."
One of my favorite verses from the Bible says "joy comes in the morning." There is joy waking up each day, even on mornings like this one. I also often find myself saying "Joy comes in the mourning." I often mourn the loss of what it is like to live without paranoia, which started in my early 20s. There is joy even in the difficult "stuff" of life.
This has become a routine in my mind. My mind playing tricks on me. Running through everything that has happened in my life. There must be a conspiracy against me. The situations around the world are all my fault.
The world does not revolve around me. Or does it? Or am I symptomatic? Are people hiding something from me? Is their laughter because of a common joke that everyone has against me? Am I missing something? Is this all a prank?
I am sharing this because I want to provide a real account of what it is like to struggle with paranoia on a daily basis. There are thousands of people just like me who deal with these questions and thoughts every single day.
It is not easy to deal with terror and intense fear every day. But as I said in last night's post, I am blessed to have difficulties in life because it makes the light of God shine even brighter. I cannot even begin to explain how good it feels when I fact-check with someone and I come to realize that these thoughts are just that- thoughts. It is my "mind playing tricks on me."
One of my favorite verses from the Bible says "joy comes in the morning." There is joy waking up each day, even on mornings like this one. I also often find myself saying "Joy comes in the mourning." I often mourn the loss of what it is like to live without paranoia, which started in my early 20s. There is joy even in the difficult "stuff" of life.
Monday, March 6, 2017
Hidden Blessings
I replay a lot of my daily conversations with people over and over in my head. Things people say. Things people do. Stares. Smiles. Frowns. I like to take a conversation apart and take it piece by piece, investigating in my own way. Processing it. Understanding it.
Someone recently told me something that has stuck with me. This person said that, to them, my achievements don't matter, my education does not matter, and other things like that don't matter. What matters is that I show up for treatment even on the challenging days.
I may not do everything perfectly or have all of the answers, but I know that I surely am doing my best living with some difficult circumstances.
Some people may question why I am so honest and deep about my illnesses. I believe in helping others without mental illnesses understand what it is like to live with symptoms every single day.
I wish I had a car. I wish I had a house of my own. I wish I had kids. I wish I was not 27 and barely have anything. I wish I have achieved more.
But to tell you the truth, I have been blessed with difficulties. I am blessed to have mental illnesses. I am blessed to be alive. I am blessed to have people around me who are wonderful, supportive and encouraging, especially my awesome boyfriend. I am blessed to be where I am at in my recovery. I am blessed to be able to smile even on the tough days, like today. I am blessed with laughter til I cry. I am blessed to be alive. I am blessed to have been born. I am blessed to have a mother in my life who has shown that she cares very deeply for me and has supported me a lot recently. I am blessed to have a wonderful brother who is in my life and adds so much happiness to my day. I am blessed to be forgiven for my mistakes every single day. I am blessed to have so many friends who love me for who I am without trying to change me. I am blessed to be educated. I am blessed to live in America. I am blessed that the Dark Ages is over. I am blessed in more ways than I can count. And this list could go on...
I am blessed with life.
Why am I saying that I am blessed with difficulties? Why am I saying it is blessed to go through things that make me cry myself to sleep during the night sometimes?
It is in our deepest and darkest moments that we find God's strength with us. It is in our deepest and darkest moments that we develop hope. It is in our deepest and darkest moments that we find meaning and purpose in our lives.
We are all blessed. Remember how blessed we all are to have our lives, this opportunity to shine God's love and light into such a dark and troubled world.
Someone recently told me something that has stuck with me. This person said that, to them, my achievements don't matter, my education does not matter, and other things like that don't matter. What matters is that I show up for treatment even on the challenging days.
I may not do everything perfectly or have all of the answers, but I know that I surely am doing my best living with some difficult circumstances.
Some people may question why I am so honest and deep about my illnesses. I believe in helping others without mental illnesses understand what it is like to live with symptoms every single day.
I wish I had a car. I wish I had a house of my own. I wish I had kids. I wish I was not 27 and barely have anything. I wish I have achieved more.
But to tell you the truth, I have been blessed with difficulties. I am blessed to have mental illnesses. I am blessed to be alive. I am blessed to have people around me who are wonderful, supportive and encouraging, especially my awesome boyfriend. I am blessed to be where I am at in my recovery. I am blessed to be able to smile even on the tough days, like today. I am blessed with laughter til I cry. I am blessed to be alive. I am blessed to have been born. I am blessed to have a mother in my life who has shown that she cares very deeply for me and has supported me a lot recently. I am blessed to have a wonderful brother who is in my life and adds so much happiness to my day. I am blessed to be forgiven for my mistakes every single day. I am blessed to have so many friends who love me for who I am without trying to change me. I am blessed to be educated. I am blessed to live in America. I am blessed that the Dark Ages is over. I am blessed in more ways than I can count. And this list could go on...
I am blessed with life.
Why am I saying that I am blessed with difficulties? Why am I saying it is blessed to go through things that make me cry myself to sleep during the night sometimes?
It is in our deepest and darkest moments that we find God's strength with us. It is in our deepest and darkest moments that we develop hope. It is in our deepest and darkest moments that we find meaning and purpose in our lives.
We are all blessed. Remember how blessed we all are to have our lives, this opportunity to shine God's love and light into such a dark and troubled world.
Friday, March 3, 2017
Hope for a Better Day
Many of you have been reading my blog for awhile. Some of you have just recently started following and reading my blog. Either way, I hope that you have learned something about living with mental illnesses. One of my main goals for writing on this blog is to raise awareness.
A few minutes ago, I came across an article on Facebook about Golisano Children's Hospital in Syracuse, NY opening a psych unit for children, due to the shortages of places for children and teens dealing with mental illnesses in the area.
I could not be more excited for this project. I personally was on a committee that worked to raise money for this hospital when it first opened. I am incredibly encouraged in the fact that they are working so hard to make sure that children and teens with mental illnesses get the help that they need.
We truly are blessed to live in a country in which people with mental illness are able to access mental health services. Millions of people worldwide (even in the US) do not receive the services they need, somewhat due to stigmatization and lack of hospitals.
I was in my early teens when I first started noticing symptoms. At age 15, I had my first inpatient unit journey in which they diagnosed me with "possible bipolar." Gaining the support I needed at the time, I was able to work through many of the issues I was dealing with. For the most part, I felt safe in the hospital as a young teenager. It was there that I first met others that I could relate to.
Mental health services are not a luxury; they are a necessity for millions of people. I would not have come as far or overcome so many challenges if it were not for the support, encouragement and love that I have received from all of my peers and staff at all of the hospitals I have been through.
If I was asked if I would rather have life without mental illness or life with mental illness, I would say that I honestly would rather have mental illnesses because I have met some of the most amazing people throughout my time in treatment, both inpatient and outpatient.
Everybody with mental illnesses needs to feel loved and supported. Keep opening doors for children with mental illnesses. Stop people from discriminating against mental illness. Allow people to ask questions and learn about mental illness. Listen to the voices of the unseen, unheard and misunderstood. We all deserve love.
A few minutes ago, I came across an article on Facebook about Golisano Children's Hospital in Syracuse, NY opening a psych unit for children, due to the shortages of places for children and teens dealing with mental illnesses in the area.
I could not be more excited for this project. I personally was on a committee that worked to raise money for this hospital when it first opened. I am incredibly encouraged in the fact that they are working so hard to make sure that children and teens with mental illnesses get the help that they need.
We truly are blessed to live in a country in which people with mental illness are able to access mental health services. Millions of people worldwide (even in the US) do not receive the services they need, somewhat due to stigmatization and lack of hospitals.
I was in my early teens when I first started noticing symptoms. At age 15, I had my first inpatient unit journey in which they diagnosed me with "possible bipolar." Gaining the support I needed at the time, I was able to work through many of the issues I was dealing with. For the most part, I felt safe in the hospital as a young teenager. It was there that I first met others that I could relate to.
Mental health services are not a luxury; they are a necessity for millions of people. I would not have come as far or overcome so many challenges if it were not for the support, encouragement and love that I have received from all of my peers and staff at all of the hospitals I have been through.
If I was asked if I would rather have life without mental illness or life with mental illness, I would say that I honestly would rather have mental illnesses because I have met some of the most amazing people throughout my time in treatment, both inpatient and outpatient.
Everybody with mental illnesses needs to feel loved and supported. Keep opening doors for children with mental illnesses. Stop people from discriminating against mental illness. Allow people to ask questions and learn about mental illness. Listen to the voices of the unseen, unheard and misunderstood. We all deserve love.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
3 Lent
Yesterday was the celebration of Ash Wednesday, or the start of Lent. Often people celebrate Lent by giving up something. In the past, I've tried to give up Facebook but I couldn't. However, I went through a few months without checking Facebook two years ago.
This year, rather than giving up something I enjoy, I am going to work on my relationship with others and glorifying God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit through making goals for myself to follow this time of year. I find that devoting myself to bettering my world and the world of others is a great way to celebrate Lent and Jesus in general. I want to be like Him. He is my inspiration and someone I admire much, not only because I am a Christian but also as a global citizen.
I think the following goals or challenges I had in mind can apply to anyone, which is why I am sharing them.
1. Listen More. A lot of the time, as many of us do, I am listening to others but the moment I think of something I want to say, I automatically only think of that instead of listening intently to the other person. I really want to work on this communicating challenge because I am not the only person who likes to talk. Language is an incredible tool to share ideas and spread love to those around us. The best thing we can do for each other is learn to listen. I often want to be heard. And so do others.
2. Slow Down. I have been home sick with a mild case of bronchitis for the past few days. To tell you the truth, it has been one of the most calming times in my life because I am able to rest and reflect. I am able to bingewatch TV shows online, which has helped me to take care of myself, especially the humorous times. I usually am so busy I do not get to watch clouds outside my window. I've even been doing more meditation today. In the past 2 years, I have only called out three days, other than my two hospitalizations (3 weeks altogether). I can agree that I have needed this time to calm down and remember that I do not need to do all and be all. I can just be. I can enjoy being. I can enjoy living. Not that I did not enjoy being and living before but it's just been nice to sit and rest. I feel like my whole life has slowed down. I don't have to do this, this and that. I can take my time to feel better.
3. Think Before I Speak or Act. This is an ongoing struggle for me. I am working on my actions and reactions towards life events and different things I am going through, like the death of a friend. Each of us has gone through times where we wish we wouldn't have said this or that to someone else. Oops! Sometimes we need to slow down and think about what we do or say. We have to keep the other person in mind when we say certain things. It is not always easy but it is worth working on this goal.
I may not know everything about everything but I am working hard to make this a great season in my life. I want to make a lasting positive impact in the lives around me. I want to share God's love, kindness and understanding, the same things that He and so many others in my life have done for me. So before I go watch another episode of a TV show, I just wanted to say thanks for reading my blog. I am incredibly thankful for your time, encouragement and support, even if I may never meet you.
This year, rather than giving up something I enjoy, I am going to work on my relationship with others and glorifying God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit through making goals for myself to follow this time of year. I find that devoting myself to bettering my world and the world of others is a great way to celebrate Lent and Jesus in general. I want to be like Him. He is my inspiration and someone I admire much, not only because I am a Christian but also as a global citizen.
I think the following goals or challenges I had in mind can apply to anyone, which is why I am sharing them.
1. Listen More. A lot of the time, as many of us do, I am listening to others but the moment I think of something I want to say, I automatically only think of that instead of listening intently to the other person. I really want to work on this communicating challenge because I am not the only person who likes to talk. Language is an incredible tool to share ideas and spread love to those around us. The best thing we can do for each other is learn to listen. I often want to be heard. And so do others.
2. Slow Down. I have been home sick with a mild case of bronchitis for the past few days. To tell you the truth, it has been one of the most calming times in my life because I am able to rest and reflect. I am able to bingewatch TV shows online, which has helped me to take care of myself, especially the humorous times. I usually am so busy I do not get to watch clouds outside my window. I've even been doing more meditation today. In the past 2 years, I have only called out three days, other than my two hospitalizations (3 weeks altogether). I can agree that I have needed this time to calm down and remember that I do not need to do all and be all. I can just be. I can enjoy being. I can enjoy living. Not that I did not enjoy being and living before but it's just been nice to sit and rest. I feel like my whole life has slowed down. I don't have to do this, this and that. I can take my time to feel better.
3. Think Before I Speak or Act. This is an ongoing struggle for me. I am working on my actions and reactions towards life events and different things I am going through, like the death of a friend. Each of us has gone through times where we wish we wouldn't have said this or that to someone else. Oops! Sometimes we need to slow down and think about what we do or say. We have to keep the other person in mind when we say certain things. It is not always easy but it is worth working on this goal.
I may not know everything about everything but I am working hard to make this a great season in my life. I want to make a lasting positive impact in the lives around me. I want to share God's love, kindness and understanding, the same things that He and so many others in my life have done for me. So before I go watch another episode of a TV show, I just wanted to say thanks for reading my blog. I am incredibly thankful for your time, encouragement and support, even if I may never meet you.
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