Our True Home

“We validate our existence with a flurry of activity. We do more, buy more, achieve more.” –Max Lucado, Grace

How true is this?

Every day we are bombarded with everything that we have to do. We try to do everything we possibly can do to be successful.

What if I said that none of that matters… That there is more to life than everything that you do to be successful?

I am going to say that. Because a few months ago, all I cared about was being the best I could be at everything I did. I wanted to be the best and all I cared about was awards.

As I knelt down on the floor of my apartment and prayed in October, crying out to the Lord for him to humble me, I had no idea what would happen in the past few months. I had no idea that the very next day, I would find myself in the hospital with a concussion. I had no idea that over the next 8 days, I would be battling a dystonic reaction or that I would have bouts of spasms and stuttering throughout the past few months. God answered my prayer in a very difficult way but I see all of the challenges I've faced as a tremendous blessing. It has humbled me. I still have some struggles with pride, but God continues to help me through that. I do not believe the journey is over.

Every day, God shows me that there is so much more than the nitty-gritty, mundane things of life. There truly is so much more to this life than what’s on TV tonight or how much homework you have to finish by tomorrow.

The more I spend time in God’s presence and hear His voice, the more I am truly in awe of Him. The more time I spend at the lake, just being still and in His presence, the more joyful I feel even though I am going through a very difficult period of my life. The more I center my life around God, the more happiness I feel.

Our God is truly beautiful.

When we stop to be still, we start to see the beauty beyond all of the stuff in our way which blocks us from seeing the beauty in this world.

Max Lucado goes on to say…

“Your identity is not in your possessions, talents, tattoos, kudos, or accomplishments. Nor are you defined by your divorce, deficiencies, debt or dumb choices. You are God’s child.” –Max Lucado, Grace

Read that again. I had to read it quite a few times myself.

Isn’t it incredibly powerful to have our true identity as God’s child? I think it’s pretty awesome.

I just graduated college in May 2012. I graduated at the top of my class, with a Bachelors with two minors in the Honors program. In college, I worked on five research projects at five separate universities across the country. Needless to say, I was a bit crazy in college.

I worked hard, but does that all really matter?

The more I focus on God, the more I see the greater picture of life. The more I realize that there is so much more than being the best. So much more than getting ten million awards.

I think our main goal in this life should be to allow God to be the center of our lives. Because no matter who hurts you, no matter what obstacles come your way, He will be there. He will be there when there is no one else. He’s not just there, either. He gives you the strength and guidance to get through. Sometimes, He even carries you.

Some people say that being Christian or religion is too “restrictive.” They think that becoming a Christian means that all the joy and fun is taken out of life.

I beg to differ.

The more I get to know God, the more excited I get about life. The peace and joy I feel honestly make no sense, especially at such a difficult time in my life. Yet I still wake up every morning, with such joy and excitement, because I know that I will see the beauty of God. I know that God will lead me through the challenges. I know that through Him, I will continue to make a difference in this world.

I wanted to share something I posted on Facebook this morning, because it is something that God is teaching me:

Each new day is a gift, a blessing from God. Each new day is an opportunity to make the most of our precious time here. Each new day is an opportunity to move forward, not to look back but to continue to crawl, walk, run or sprint towards God's loving arms. Each day is an opportunity to make the world a better and more peaceful place. Each day is new for a reason. Today can be different than yesterday and tomorrow can be different than today. So make the most of your time. Spread a message of love, hope, peace and joy. 

As I have shared throughout many posts, I grew up in a very difficult family situation. I even had points in my life when I “couch-surfed” from home to home after running away and then becoming evicted. Through those situations, I came to realize that a home is not just a building. Our true home is in God’s loving arms. Our true home is peaceful, not full of hate. Our true home is full of love, not fear. In our true home, unconditional love takes us in.

To Love Beyond The Hurt

“If I hadn’t let go of that anger, I’d be consumed by this need for revenge. Forgiving him helps me move on.” –Victoria Ruvolo

Yesterday afternoon, I went to the library to return some books. Since I have a bunch of books already out, I had not planned on looking for other books, but something told me to check the New Books section. I came across Max Lucado’s new book “Grace” and began reading it last night.

In this book, Max talks about Victoria Ruvolo’s story. A teenage boy tried to pull a prank on her, which ultimately landed her in the ICU struggling to stay alive. She chose to forgive this boy, though, and a judge gave him a reduced sentence.

Something that God has been speaking to me a lot about lately is forgiveness. Throughout my life, I have constantly been deeply hurt by those I loved the most. To tell you the truth, I love those people still, but deep inside, I do still feel angry about what they have done to me.

Why would they do that to me? Why was I not protected? Why have I protected others, but when it comes to protecting me, nobody was there? How could I be hurt so deeply by those I love and care for so much?

I also have some anger towards myself as well.

Why did I let them do those things to me? So what if I was a little kid and didn’t know any better- I knew it was not the right thing to do, so why did I do those things? Is there something wrong with me?

These are the questions I have been dealing with a lot lately.

Deep down, I know that if I want to move forward, then I need to forgive myself and also truly forgive those who have hurt me.

Part of the reason it has been so difficult to forgive is that most of those people have not really changed. Most of them have yet to even apologize for what they have done to me. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to forgive them if they keep doing the same thing that led me to forgive them in the first place.

But isn’t that how God works towards us?

I know personally that I have apologized to others and God for something and then continued to do the same thing, usually not on purpose. Sometimes I believe that true repentance is a process, not just a click of the finger and everything’s okay. To truly change a behavior takes time.

No matter what, though, God always forgives us. And His forgiveness is a gift, not something that we can earn by doing good things.

Max Lucado shines light on one of the most symbolic representations of the forgiveness we find in God. He talked about how Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. Jesus Christ became a servant and literally washed the feet of those who doubted him and even betrayed him.

I do not know if I would even be able to wash the feet of those people in my life who have hurt me so deeply.

But as Christians and as human beings, I believe that we are called to forgive. It’s not necessarily for those who have hurt us. It is about moving forward and not letting the anger rule our lives. It is not saying what the person did was right at all, which is something I have personally struggled with.

As I have shared previously, in the past few months when I was having bouts of spasms and stuttering, I was mocked, laughed at and ignored at various times by many people. In those times, I continually said to myself, “Forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.”

Jesus Christ came to love and to heal, yet he was mocked, laughed at, ignored, and eventually brutally murdered by those he loved. I find truth in those words that He said on the cross, because I have felt them and said them. I have prayed for and loved those who have hurt me, not by my strength but through God’s strength. The people who hurt me in the recent months and also throughout my life probably do not know the full extent of how deeply they hurt me. But they do not need to, because I still love them and I realize that they probably did not know everything that they were doing. They did not know everything that was going on. They did not realize how deeply it hurt to be laughed at when I was trying so hard to control my uncontrollable spasms. But I realized that in order for me to move forward, I needed to ask God to help me forgive them in those moments. I did not want anger to rule over me.

On a larger scale, I am currently working towards forgiving those who have hurt me on a much deeper level and for much longer periods of time in my life. Forgiveness, I think, is one of the most important steps in the healing process, but it tends to be the most difficult as well, especially forgiving ourselves.

I do not know everything about forgiveness, and I do not think I can honestly say that I have fully forgiven those in my past. But what I can say is that I am on the journey towards forgiveness and healing. Not for those who have hurt me. But for my ability to move forward and to do everything that God has called me to do. Again, forgiveness is a process and a journey.

To forgive is to live. To forgive is to heal. To forgive is to move forward.

Our True Definition

“Your past doesn’t define who you’re going to be. It’s okay to look back in the rearview mirror, but don’t stare. You can learn from your history, but don’t let it define you.” –Almost Home, pg. 171

As I read this earlier, the sheer power in these simple words really spoke to me. Something that I have been struggling with for the past few years, especially after leaving my home to go to college, was the collision of my past with my future. As I have mentioned before, it’s like I live two lives: the overachiever/perfectionist and the person who deeply hurts and is struggling to get through each day. Needless to say, it is confusing. Not only to me, but also to those around me.

However, my past does not define who I am. Who I am is someone who has overcome many challenges and risen above them by the grace of God. Who I am is somebody who was told many times that I would not make it, that I have been through too much and that I would end up on the streets, doing drugs. But I did not. I am still here, continually fighting.

I can say from experience that the circumstances of your childhood and throughout your life do not have to define who you are. They can be a part of who you are, but you are not defined by your circumstances. The moment I watched my last family member get arrested was very difficult, but it was one of the most pivotal moments in my life as well. It was in that moment that I realized I had a choice to make, a very important one: either I was going to follow the same route or I was going to break the cycle and do something amazing with my life. I chose the latter.

Our true definition is found in God. We are His children and He cares deeply about each of us.

Sometimes that is really difficult to believe or even say. I know, because when I am reminded of my past constantly, I often wonder if I am really His. I mean, why would all of these people in my life, people I trusted, do such awful things? Something must really be wrong with me...

That is not what God says to us though.

God tells us that we are worth it, when everyone around us tells us we are worthless. God tells us that we are strong, when everyone and everything tells us we are weak. God tells us that we are beautiful, when everything around us tells us we are ugly. God helps us to piece back our life, when everything around us is broken, when every part of our soul feels shattered.

He never lets go of us, no matter how far away we feel.

What I love about the quote above also is that it reminds us that we can learn from our history. We can learn from our past. Not just on an international or a national level, but also on a deeper personal level. A large part of my success in life has come from the moments when I had to do everything possible to survive. I learned to be creative. I learned to use what I had to get through, to overcome and to move forward. I learned to make the most of everything that I was given.

I know firsthand that some of our greatest gifts in this life come from our deepest and darkest times.

It is in those moments that we learn to truly and fully rely on God to get through the storms.

I wanted to leave with another quote, a few pages later in the same book…

“I became compassionate because there was a time I needed compassion. I’m so caring because there was a time I wanted someone to care.” -Almost Home

As I have relived and continue to relive my past through flashbacks, nightmares and intrusive memories, I continually realize how incredibly blessed I am to be where I am. No matter how difficult all of my situations were and still are, I am incredibly blessed. My greatest gifts came from having to survive the unimaginable.

Not a Crutch

A friend asked me yesterday to share my opinion on a drug known as DMT: The Spirit Molecule. The technical term for this drug is Dimethyltryptamin.

As I have mentioned in a previous post, I have never done any drugs. However, I personally do know how certain medications effect the brain, mind and body.

Many people studying science question God. As a scientist, I find that science shows the beauty of God. The first moment that I can remember God and science becoming linked together in my mind was when I sat in a freshman biology course. I remember learning about photosynthesis of plants and saying to myself, This is way too complicated to just occur out of nowhere.

Do I believe that people feel so-called “spiritual” experiences using drugs?

Absolutely.

But to me, God is so much more than something we can take a drug to experience. I experience God every single day without drugs. To me, God is not a crutch. To me, God is not a man in the sky who I go to church every Sunday to worship. To me, God is not just a word on the page of my Bible. To me, Jesus is not just a man who lived centuries ago who died on a cross.

God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit lie at the center of my life.

It has not always been this way.

Trust me, I have had my doubts, as I think everyone has at one point or another. Going through everything that I went through as a child and throughout growing up, I often asked where God was. I went through periods where I felt like He was distant. I often asked myself why He allowed me to go through everything I went through. I asked Him where He was.

I will repeat… God is not a crutch. I do not just say that I believe in God. I can honestly say that I know God exists and I am at the point in my life where I do not think it is possible to prove to me that God does not exist.

God carries all of us through the painful moments, even when we feel like He couldn’t be further away.

When I was six years old and nearly died in a house fire, I know God was there and He saved my life. When I was going through everything I went through as a child, I know God was there and He helped me through all of that. He carried me through everything. When I fell over 40 feet a few years ago and suffered multiple fractured vertebrae, being told by the doctors that they were worried that I may never walk again, God was there with me. Not only that, but He helped me to get back  to running. When I run, I feel God’s spirit. When I was in the hospital last October with dystonia, being unable to control my body and being told that I may be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, I prayed to God that if it was His will, then His will be done. I have been without the physical symptoms for a few weeks now, having had bouts of spasms over the past few months. When I was in the hospital a few weeks ago with catatonia, unable to eat or speak, I prayed to God once again.

He continues to deliver me and help me through everything that comes my way…

Do I believe that this drug or any drug, for that matter, can be used to bring someone closer to God?

Absolutely.

Though I do not agree with using drugs, I know personally that God can use anything to speak to us. He can use anything and everything on this earth to help us hear from Him clearly. He can use anything, any situation, anybody around us, to draw us closer to Him.

I know I would not be here if God had not continually saved my life, not only physically, but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I have been reading a book over the past few days about homeless youth. There is one story about a young man who went through various challenges and obstacles throughout his life, many similar to mine. There was one quote that I wanted to share from his story…

“God had a plan. There wasn’t anything spectacular that took place, like a falling star or anything. I don’t know how I made it this far in life. Here I am, not even believing in myself, that I’d be able to go to college, and He paved the way. God is good. God is great.”

-Almost Home, p. 95

Amen.

No More Hiding...

In many different situations in our lives, we put on faces. These so-called faces are different when we are at work, when we are at home, when we are out with friends, when we are at church.

I personally struggle with having two main faces.

Most of my life, I have spent my life pretending that everything in my life was perfect. I excelled at school. When I read about quantum physics or vector spaces, my mind is consumed with numbers, theories, and equations. Everyone on the outside saw me and sometimes still see me as this intelligent person who must "obviously" come from a great family. They have no idea what I deal with on a daily basis.

As I have been going through the healing process, the other part of my life is surfacing. Even when on the outside, it looks like everything is perfect, I have spent most of my life just trying to survive. At many different points of each day, I have flashbacks. Through all of this, it almost feels as if I am living two lives. 

Flashbacks are different than memories. When I have a flashback, I am not in the present time at all. I am back to when I was a little child. It is like having a video screen right in front of my eyes. I do not notice anything in the present time. My perspective is that of a little child. My feelings are that of a little child. My fear is that of a little child. I am back there…

One minute, I am in class listening to a lecture, and the next, I am watching my mother be abused and nearly killed in front of me at the age of six. The fear is overwhelming.

I have hundreds of these flashbacks from all different points in my life.

Even in these difficult times, it is so powerful to know that God sees the real me. He knows what I went through. I believe that He cried with me as I went through all of those difficult times. I believe that He still continues to carry me through each day. When I am in God's presence, I do not have to hide the deep hurt and fear I go through every day. I do not have to pretend like everything is great when deep inside me, there is a raging storm.

I often ask God not only why He allowed such horrible, unimaginable things to happen to me for years, but also why I constantly have to deal with such intense flashbacks. Wasn't going through all of those traumatic events enough?

I do not know why He does not stop the flashbacks or why I have to deal with them every single day.

What I do know is that He has continually supplied me with strength to keep moving forward. What I do know is that I do not have to hide who I am from God. He created me and helped me get through everything. 

"For thou didst form my inward parts:

Thou didst cover me in my mother's womb.

I will give thanks unto thee; 

for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: 

Wonderful are thy works; 

And that my soul knoweth right well.

My frame was not hidden from thee, 

When I was made in secret, 

And curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth."

-Psalm 139:13-15 (ASV)

The hope and joy I find in God and the words above which remind me of how much He loves me are the main reasons why I continue to fight each and every day. He is the main reason I choose to wake up every morning and put on the full armor of God.

What I struggle with the most is not necessarily forgiving those who have hurt me deeply; my main struggle is forgiving myself. I can see other people go through similar things I have gone through and I feel for them. But I feel like what happened to me is different. I try to make excuses for those who have hurt me, but when it comes to myself, I cannot find any excuses. It is so much easier for me to console someone else than myself.

When my parents separated when I was six after having many arguments about me, I blamed myself for their separation and eventual divorce. When my brothers became addicted to drugs, I blamed myself, saying that if I had not caused my parents' divorce, then they would have been fine. When I was neglected, I blamed myself for not doing anything right and believed I was not worthy of anybody's time. When my oldest brother committed suicide, I blamed myself for not forgiving him before he died.

Why?

Because as a child, I was continually told by my father that everything was my fault. I was called names and constantly told that I was stupid. I was treated like a nobody. Not even human. I was told that nobody would ever care about me. Throughout my years of growing up, I was told similar things not only by my father but many others. I was told that nobody in my family cared, that I ruined my family. I blamed myself for my family falling apart.

There have been a few people who have told me very positive things, like that I am worthy of true, unconditional love. When people say things like that to me, it is difficult to take in because it is so different. That tends to confuse people because they know I am intelligent. People get frustrated that it is so hard for me to believe. I think to others it is something so obvious, so basic. But to me, it's not that obvious, because I was not taught that while growing up.

When you grow up being told negative things about yourself and treated so horribly, it takes a lot of effort to start to take in anything positive. I am getting there, slowly but surely. As I go through this healing process, the more clearly I see how God was always there. I see how He brought certain people into my life at the right times. I see that I am His child and that I deserve better. I deserve to be cared for. I am worthy of His love and the love of others.

More importantly, I do not have to put on a face anymore. I have always been “the strong one.” I have always been the fixer. I wanted to fix everything that I saw as broken. I always wanted to fix what I thought I had broken. But I am learning that I do not have to hide my true feelings. I do to have to hide who I really am. There are moments when I can cry and weep over my past. There are moments when I can let it all out. There are moments in which I can allow myself to grieve over the past.

In order to be whole, we need to be true to ourselves. We need to be who we really are, not putting on different disguises around other people.

I’m not saying that I go around crying all day long everywhere I go. What I am saying is that I do not believe God calls us to hide who we really are. I believe it is okay to cry. It is okay not to be strong 100% of the time when we really feel broken and just want to cry. There is a reason He created me the way He did. There is a reason He created you the way you did. There is a reason why He has allowed certain events to happen in our lives.

Some of the joy I have felt recently has come from the fact that I feel so free in being able to share the deep parts of my life with those around me. There is something so freeing about not having to be strong all of the time. There is something so freeing about not having to hold everything in.

Though I still continue to deal with feelings of guilt, shame and fear on a daily basis, I am emerging from the cocoon I built around myself many years ago as a child and continued to build for most of my life. I am learning that I do not have to be defined by what I have been through. It is a part of me, but it is not who I am. God reveals who I am to me every single day and He shows who He is as well. The shame that I have carried for so long is slowly fading away.

I do not have to hide anymore..

Neither do you...

Where True Beauty Lies...

In my earlier post this morning, I talked about 2 Corinthians 5:17 and being a new creation in God. Since my mother has been visiting me due to my hospitalization, we decided to visit the butterfly exhibit at a local museum.

As I walked around in the butterfly sanctuary this morning, I was filled with a joy and contentment that is very difficult to put into words.

Butterflies and birds have been a huge way that God communicates with me. I was given a story by one of my therapists a few years ago about a man who saw a butterfly struggling to emerge from a cocoon. He wanted to help it, so he decided to cut the cocoon. Unfortunately, by cutting the cocoon, he did not allow the butterfly to strengthen its wings. When the butterfly emerged, it could not fly because its wings were not strong enough.

In the same way, our obstacles are exactly what we need to build strength, determination, courage and wisdom. The Bible talks about it in this way:

“And not only [that], but we also boast in tribulations,

knowing that tribulation works endurance;

and endurance, experience; and experience, hope;

and hope does not make ashamed,

because the love of God is shed abroad

in our hearts by [the] Holy Spirit

which has been given to us.”

-Romans 5:3-5 (DARBY)

This morning, one butterfly immediately caught my eye. There were quite a few of this type of butterfly. It frustrated me as I was taking photos of them, because they were so fast and when they stopped, their wings always closed.

However, when these butterflies flew around, their wings were of one of the most beautiful shades of blue I have ever seen.

The reasons that these butterflies close their wings when they land is because their blue wing color makes them more vulnerable to predators. As I thought about this, Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North came on my phone. Going to the butterfly exhibit was by far one of the most healing experiences I have had since starting this healing journey a few months ago.

Throughout this healing journey, I have realized that God uses nature to communicate to me in very dramatic ways. As I thought about these butterflies, I realized that some of the most vulnerable parts of our lives are also some of the most beautiful parts of who we are. Those vulnerable parts of our lives that we try to hide from everyone around us are exactly what makes us beautiful. Sometimes the struggles in our lives lend themselves to become beautiful blessings. They make us who we are. They are a part of us, just as the blue wings are a part of the butterflies. However, they do not make up the whole butterfly.

I have opened up a lot in this blog and I hope that by being genuine and real that people see the beauty in God and the beauty in my life even through all of the obstacles I have had to face.

I do not know why God allowed all the negative things to happen in my life, but what I do know is that God has continually given me the strength I need to get through. God always provides at the right time. In the same way, God gives animals and everything in nature exactly what they need to survive.

Some of the butterflies were given unique colors and designs in order to be able to camouflage themselves, like this one…

Quite a few of the butterflies had broken wings, yet they did not lose their beauty. Actually, I was drawn to these butterflies, because they still flew even with their broken wings. They were still beautiful. They were still alive. Through their brokenness, they still survived. No matter how broken I have felt in my life, God always provided. In many ways, I currently feel broken, but God is helping me get through this extremely difficult part of my life. He is healing me in tremendous and powerful ways. I am still God’s beautiful creation. I may feel broken, but deep down, I am not. God is strengthening me and helping me fly.

We are all unique. All of the things that happen in our lives make us unique. All of our gifts are what make us unique. Our uniqueness is what makes us beautiful. Our beauty comes from how God created each of us. Our beauty comes from how God never stops caring for us, no matter what comes into our lives. Our beauty comes from God.

Look at how beautiful these butterflies are yet how uniquely they were designed…

Rising on Eagles' Wings

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, 

I will fear no evil: 

for thou art with me; 

thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

-Psalm 23:4 (KJV)

I have been repeating this line over and over in my head for the past few weeks.

When I was six, I was left alone for a little while as my mother went up the street to check on my older brothers. I noticed and smelled smoke. My mom accidentally left the stove on. As I frantically tried multiple options to get out of the house unsuccessfully, I realized that my only real option in order to save myself and my home was to go to the kitchen, where the fire and the smoke had originated. I realized that I had to go to the worst room to be in at the time. I went to the kitchen, turned a trash can over, stepped on top of it and called 911 just in time.

Right before my most recent hospitalization, I was having memories flashing through my head at all hours of the day. Many people say that before they pass away, their whole “life flashes before their eyes.” It was like that, but it was not flashes. It was constant videos of both good and bad times in my life and it was uncontrollable. I had memories from as early as three years old and they were extremely vivid.

Sometimes what it takes to move forward and heal from traumatic experiences is to go back to where it all started. Sometimes it takes going back to the deepest and darkest parts of our lives. Sometimes it takes coming face to face with the events in our lives that we never wanted to think about.

For most of my life, I have held everything in because that was the only way I really felt that I could move forward. People are usually shocked when I tell them even some of the stuff that I have dealt with at the surface level. I learned early on that I had to pretend that everything at home was fine when it really was not.

This is a completely different stage of my life though. I know that if I really want to move forward and save my life, I need to come to terms with everything I have gone through. Because I have gone through so much, these few months have been very overwhelming. In fact, having the flooding memories so intensely led me to become catatonic during my last hospitalization. I did not eat, sleep or talk for two days.

But I am still here. I am more ready than ever to cope with everything in my life. I am ready to find the answers to the questions I have always wondered, the questions I've held deep inside my soul. I am ready to move forward in a way that I have never moved forward before.

More importantly, God is with me as I “walk through the valley of the shadow of death.” When you and I walk through those deep, dark places in our lives, He walks with us. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. There is not one second of our lives where God is not there guiding us, loving us, providing for us, helping us cope, and strengthening us.

Without God, I can definitely say that I would not be the person I am today. Without the struggles I've faced in my life, I would not be the person I am today. In some ways, I’m thankful for some of the struggles I have faced. I would not be as strong as I am today. I think that through our obstacles, God gives us a lot of wisdom.

As I am going through this very challenging process of delving deep into the dark parts of my past, I have realized that those moments are dead to me. But God is breathing new life into those moments. He is showing me how He helped me get through all of my obstacles. He is showing me where He was in the situation, something I have wondered a lot. He is showing me that even though I felt like He was absent, He was there. He is showing me that He never stopped loving me, even through the moments that I felt like nobody loved me. He is showing me that He gave me and continually gives me the strength I need to go through everything. Through Him, I am becoming a new person.

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: 

old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."

-2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)

Many people know that one of my favorite animals is the eagle. One of the main reasons is because I found out that eagles wait for a storm. They feel the winds and then once the storm comes, they use the winds of the storm to rise above the storm. In the same way, I have tried to use those difficult times, the turmoil inside my mind, body and spirit, to rise above everything that I have ever had to face. Sometimes we need to go through the "windy" parts of our lives before we truly can move forward. Sometimes it feels like we are being tossed all around, but God holds us even in those moments. Through Him, we are standing on a firm foundation even in those moments.

I will leave you with one of my favorite songs that speaks about rising on eagles’ wings…