Meeting the Sound

I've been thinking about my voice for the past day or so, especially since I have met my voice through this blog. Finding our voice is not just for people with brain disorders or mental illnesses. Finding our voice is a natural phenomena that we all find ourselves moving towards.

We want to be validated. We want to be heard. We all want to be understood.

Some of you may know that I have worked with at least a hundred children and adults with special needs, mainly Down Syndrome, cerebral palsy and autism. I worked with people who could not speak, including an unforgettable girl about my age that could not speak, walk or eat by herself. 

At around 12 years old, I taught her how to write, as I gently directed her hand to write letters. She also used a computer hooked up to her wheelchair to speak. Before she passed away (about after a year that I worked with her), I helped her write a card that said "I love you, Mom." I will never forget her or how amazing it felt to help her find some part of her voice.

The last time I saw her, I told her that she inspired me to help others just like her. I currently hold a Masters degree in Biomedical Engineering, through which I have learned how to brainstorm, build, and test devices that can be used to help those with special needs.

I've seen all kinds of devices that have been created to aid people with disabilities. One of the most powerful example came from a movie I once watched about a mother whose son has autism and cannot speak. She created a small computer device that allows him to type what he wants the device to say. The difference between him before and then after using the device is profound and really emphasizes how important our voices are. Before this device, he had no way of communicating with others. They were in shock about how much he really understood. This device has also been incredibly useful for people around the world.

At age 13, I realized how important having a voice really is. I also understood that our voice does not necessarily have to be through speaking out loud. It is found through so much more than that. People find their voices through actions, reactions, writing, body language, art, photography, dancing and all kinds of different avenues.

I personally have found my voice through photography, writing, art, playing instruments (piano, vocals, harmonica, clarinet, and French horn among others) and writing music. I also love helping others, which I believe is a major part of my voice. I worked at 4 hospitals and 5 universities by age 23, through internships and work. When I was a young teenager, I helped build and fix homes even throughout undergoing a period of homelessness.

Sometimes we find our voice through helping others find their own voice. I lost my oldest brother to suicide when I was 17 (he was 25). I spoke at my high school to different classes, about staying away from drugs and alcohol. My brother had been addicted to drugs, dealing drugs and was an alcoholic for most of his life. I ended his story by telling my peers that they had a choice that my brother does not have anymore. Through sharing his story, I was able to give voice to my brother in a powerful way.

Each of us have a voice, even in the most difficult times. For me, I find that I hear God's voice sometimes clearer on the worst days.

A few years ago, I went through a catatonic state in which I did not and could not speak, eat, drink or sleep for 3 days. I wanted to speak. I just could not make a sound. I remember those 3 days like it was yesterday. I remember thinking the FBI was after me. I thought one of the doctors was Michelle Obama. My mind was making all of that stuff up to the point that I was terrified. And add to that, I could not find my voice.

I am continuing the journey to find my voice. I do not believe it is a destination but rather the journey through life.

What can you do to find your voice? What are ways you can stand up for yourself and others? How can you validate the voices around you? How can you love your voice despite having gone through difficulties? Does going through difficult times make it easier or harder to find your voice? How can you stop and listen to others' voices?