A Mental Vacation

Earlier this afternoon, I had to do something that was very difficult for me to do. I had to stop my volunteer work, both since I am gearing up for classes in May in order to receive an MSW and also because it was incredibly stressful for me and ultimately triggered some of my symptoms, specifically paranoia.

While I feel like this is somewhat of a failure, deep down I know that I need to step back and be honest with myself on everything that I can handle.

I am an overachiever. In my first two years of college, I had a 3.986 GPA in an overload of classes (21 credits (normal of 18)), was in the Honors Program, worked part time at 2-5 jobs, participated in various clubs and organizations and still somehow had time to watch a Netflix movie nearly every night despite a bedtime of 10pm at the latest.

That ultimately led to the cookie crumbling...

I tried to take my life in 2009 due to paranoia, mania and depression all at the same time. I took a medical leave of absence, in which I came to the conclusion that I needed to step back and again, be honest with myself about everything that I can handle.

Sometimes, we have to realize that we cannot possibly be all and do all. I am not God. I am ONE person in a sea of millions of lives.

Sometimes we get so overwhelmed by our own "bubbles" that we forget the meaning of life. To me, meaning comes from helping others. To me, meaning comes from realizing that I also need to take care of myself. To me, meaning comes from being the best person I can be.

However, there are limitations... human limitations. We can help others but ultimately, we need to do what's best for us mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

There are so many billions of lives on this earth that we can barely even make a dent in our society, nation and world. However, at the end of the day, we can make a difference by how we treat others AND ourselves. If each of us makes a positive dent in our circle of our lives, we ultimately can positively change the world. We need to work together.

Some may believe or think that taking care of ourselves is selfish, but overall we can help more people if we first take care of ourselves.

Sometimes we need a break. Sometimes we need a mental vacation. Sometimes we need to just sit and calm down as we watch a sunrise or a sunset.

So, yes, I do believe that my decision to stop volunteering for awhile is healthy for me. I will be able to learn more skills and be able to continue to move forward.