A Cosine Wave

When you think of bipolar disorder, do you ever think of extremes? You know that sine or cosine wave that you were taught in high school or college statistics? The neverending pattern of the Bell curve which describes the IQ measures? The neverending pattern of parabolic functions?

Up and down and up and down, like clockwork...

And yes, I am an engineer... A Biomedical Engineer.

Someone important in my life said to me a few years ago that I have a dichotomous mind. At first, I was like "dichotowho?"... I've been reflecting a lot on that lately though. 

Quite often, I am either  

Yay-everydayisgreat-everythingisfantastic-nothingiswrong-nothingwillEVERbewrong-lifeisthebest-iaminvincible-nothingsgonnagetmedown

 or 

Icantbelievehowdifficultthislifeis-i'mnevergoinganywhere-everybodyhatesme-everybodywantstogetridofme-i'maburden-iwillalwaysbesick/mentallyill-i'mgarbage-nobodycares-theyrelaughingatme-iwantittoend.

I am slowly but surely finding the "grey area" between those extremes. I don't mean to use that cliche explanation or term, but there really is power in finding that grey area and embracing it. I do not believe we were made for those types of extremes.
 
I believe that it is imperative for me to find that middle ground where there is peace even on the most difficult days. I picture myself somewhere between the valley and the top of a mountain.

However, finding that "grey area" is not simple.

I had a quite strong reaction to something that someone said recently. Yes, I get triggers that sometimes add to the stress, but I just started sobbing. I think it was an extreme reaction to what was said, even though it had nothing to do with me.

Needless to say, I am working on my reactions to my triggers. I am coming to realize that I have the power to control how I react to others and different situations. I'm never going to get anywhere if I have such strong reactions to everything. I cannot control what others are going to say or do around me. I also cannot always expect someone to be there for me everytime I have an extreme reaction. People are going to say things that upset me, but isn't that true for all of us? What is more important is to be able to control our emotions so that we can move forward,

I cannot run from my triggers. I can only control me, not others or certain situations. I can control my reactions in a powerful way.