Letter to 13 year old me

Dear 13 year old me,

I am sorry that the flashbacks are starting, and as I speak, I am 26 and I still have to deal with them daily as well as nightmares. I'm sorry you have to go thorugh this because this is the first time you fully realized what was done to you by members of your own famiy.It is the first time you are opening up. You will learn quickly that most people do not believe you. But I encourage you to find your voice, as you will do when you are olde.r. 13 years old is the first age you were when someone finally put a name to what you are experiencing: PTSD.

I am sorry that you are experiencing the first symptoms of the schizophrenia which you will not  be diagnosed  with until age 24. I remember the nights you lived alone at 13 because your mother was always with her boyfriend. I understand your feelings of not being cared for or betrayed or abandoned. You will find that those feelimgs are normal and that there really are people who care about you and love you.

I know you will get through this because you've had the strength all along. It is not easy. Nobody told you that you also have bipolar nor that you attempted suicide plenty of times to excape the psychological pain.

Fortunately,you were unsuccesful. I am so thankful you and I are still here now.

You have a lot of strength inside of you, more than you could ever imagine.

Take care of yourself. I wish someone cared more about you. Most of the other people in your life do not believe you when you share the child abuse that you went through. But I believe you.

I say I also believe in you,

Because you've made it to age 26. You will continue to grow and find your way.

If I told you how much you've gone through your entire life up til 26 years old,, you pobably would not believe it. But with hope, you can do anything.

I want to tell you that you are not an accident, no matter who tells you that you are. You're here for a reason.

Find that reason.

Love,
your 26 year old self