A Love That Never Fails

A few weeks ago, quite a few bloggers posted about something that hurt autistic people and those who care about them. If you were unaware, if you Googled “autistic people should" a few weeks ago (I believe it has since changed), the autofill feature came up with phrases such as “be killed,” “be eradicated,” and “be cured.”

As someone who was diagnosed with Aspergers, a form of autism, twice in the past few months, seeing this and hearing about it hurt me deeply. To me, having Aspergers is a gift, not a negative thing. In fact, I love that it makes me see the world differently. I love that I am obsessed with numbers and patterns. I love that I think of different songs all day and that I have a neverending database in my head, every day, all day long. I love that I notice the details of everything around me. I love that I sometime stare at trees because I am obsessed with the fractal patterns of their branches.

I love it because it is part of what makes me ME.

Yes, there are difficulties that I have to “deal with” as someone with Aspergers. But everyone has difficulties. Everyone has struggles they have to overcome.

Thinking about this on my way home from church tonight, one of my favorite movie scenes came to my mind.

We are all human beings and as God’s children, I believe that we all deserve to be told how unique we are, how precious we are in this world.

You are loved.

There is a God who loves you unconditionally. You do not have to do anything in particular to deserve His love. You cannot earn it. His love is given without conditions. No strings attached. No hidden fees. No fine print. He created you and He loves you as one of His beautiful creations.

You are wonderfully and fearfully made.

There is no one like you on this earth. While there are other people that may be like you, there is absolutely no one exactly like you. You are created differently from anyone who has ever lived on this earth, in the past, in the present and in the future. You are you. And that means the world because you have a unique perspective, a unique voice.

So what do I believe that people with autism should do?

I believe people with autism should do and deserve the same things that I believe every other human beings should do and deserve. After all, autism is a label. It is not the people who are diagnosed with it.

Every human being should be loved.

Every human being deserves to be loved and cared for.

Every human being deserves to be listened to and to have a voice.

Every human being deserves to be cherished and appreciated.

Every human being deserves to be accepted, not just tolerated.

Every human being deserves to be helped when they need help.

Every human being deserves to be protected from putdowns and bullying.

Every human being deserves to be protected from injustice.

Every human being deserves to feel peace and to live in a peaceful place.

Every human being deserves to be who they are.

In the past few months, I have had bouts of stuttering and spasms. During those bouts, I had to walk around town and take buses. There were quite a few people who stared and some even laughed. At first, it hurt me deeply that people would laugh at something that I could not control, something that embarrassed me on a deep level.

But over time, I realized that they did not know everything that I am dealing with, everything that I have had to deal with to get to where I am and why I was having the physical symptoms. Slowly, my anger and hurt turned into forgiveness. During the bouts, I started to repeat over and over in my head, “Forgive them for they do not know what they do.”

Jesus said those words on the cross, as he was being killed by those who he loved so deeply.

Jesus came to heal and transform people on a personal level, but also on a worldly level. He broke many of the traditions of the society of his day. He loved the outcasts; in fact, he searched them out. He did not turn away anyone. He welcomed those whom everyone else wanted to turn away. He talked to those who no one else wanted to talk to. He did not hate anyone. While some people might have frustrated him, he always showed love towards everyone.

Whether you believe in Jesus or not, I hope that before you judge anyone that you interact with, that you stop and think. The next time you want to judge someone, imagine that the person you are interacting with is living through the worst day of his or her life. You never know… By showing a little kindness towards someone or doing a random act of kindness, you could truly transform that person’s life.

I want to end this blog with one of my favorite passages in the Bible. It is quoted often during sermons about love, but it talks about unconditional love in such a great way.

As a world, we need to strive to show everyone the kind of love that is explained in this passage. No matter who you are. No matter what you have done. No matter what you have not done. No matter where you are from. No matter what you believe in. Love is the most powerful thing we have in this world…

Love is patient, love is kind. 

It does not envy, it does not boast, 

it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, always trusts, 

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. 

-1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)

Can't Keep Me Down

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."

-Romans 12:2 (NIV)

I just started reading Almost Home, a book by Kevin Ryan, President of Covenant House, and Tina Kelley.  This book takes a look at the lives of six homeless youth and Covenant House, a system of shelters around the world, focused on helping homeless youth.

Fortunately, I have not had to live on the streets. But I was so close when my mom and I got evicted that we had to live in different homes of friends. Within a few months, I lived in over six homes and even before the eviction, I had lived in a few different homes after I ran away to try to get into a foster home.

I shared this morning on my Facebook about how I realized early on as a child that school was my way out from the issues and problems going on in my family. I knew that if I focused on my education, the most stable thing I've had in life apart from God, then I could possibly get out of the cycle and do something awesome with my life. I knew that without money I had no chance to go and since I grew up in a poor home, I had to work hard to get scholarships. My grandparents did save up money for the education of me and my brothers, but that money ultimately went towards drug addictions and my oldest brother's funeral costs. Having a dead-beat dad not paying child support did not make matters any better either...

As I watched my last family member get arrested by police at 3:16 in the morning at the age of sixteen, I promised myself that I would never do drugs or drink or let them rule over my life. To this day, I have never even touched alcohol or drugs. I did not sleep that night but I went to school the next day. I remember that the police came searching my home at 3:16am, because even though I felt extremely worried, scared and alone, the verse John 3:16 came to my mind the second I looked at my alarm clock and a sense of peace overwhelmed me.

I've had a lot of naysayers in my life, telling me that I wouldn't make it. Even people who encouraged me I often felt that inside, they thought I wouldn't break the cycle and get out of my situation. People still today ask me how I've made it so far having grown up in the type of home I did.

But am I mad at those naysayers?

Actually, not at all. 

Having people who told me that I would not make it just fueled my motivation to prove them wrong and to depend on God for the strength and courage necessary to keep going in a positive direction.

Granted, I have had quite a few people who have taken time out of their lives to encourage me, listen to me, pray with me and support me. It is difficult to put into words what it meant and still means to have people care so much after being treated like I was and am not a person to be cared for, someone unworthy of true love and compassion... I have definitely had points in my life where I felt like a nobody and that all of my hard work was for nothing.

This life is not easy by any means, but we are blessed to live life, no matter how difficult it gets. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second is a precious gift from God. 

Even more so, we are so incredibly blessed to have a God who is there for us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. He is not only there, but He is all around us and within us.

My greatest prayer while growing up in the situations I did was that God would use the situations to help me become more Christlike. If you think about it, Jesus broke all the traditions in society.

I was thinking about this earlier today and it occurred to me that I have broken quite a few "traditions" of society. When I was a teenager, I was known as an "at-risk" teenager due to my problems at home. But now I am a doctoral student (a female engineer) studying in one of the most difficult fields of study.

We do not have to let our circumstances rule our lives.

I had all the excuses in the world to end up in jail, dealing drugs or living on the streets.

But I did not want to.

I have always felt called by God for more. I've always felt that there's a much greater purpose for my life. So through the worst of times, I kept moving forward and today, I am thriving. Whenever the good Lord does take me home, I hope that I have left this world and the people who I interacted with in a better state than before I came into this world.

As I observed and lived through my family falling apart due to drugs and alcohol, the following verse really helped me to continue to keep my eyes, ears, soul, mind and spirit focused on God.

"And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit"

-Ephesians 5:18 (KJV)

When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, magical things can happen.

One of the greatest influential people in my life once said that everybody has things that they deal with that are out of their control, but what we can control are our reactions to those things.

While I am not perfect in so many ways, I am glad to have the strength of God to help me through my trials and to help me break the cycles within my family.

In Christ, we are called to be separated from this world because we realize that we are not of this world. Our home is so much more than the places we live on this earth.

Throughout my teenage years, I listened to a lot of emo, rap and punk rock songs and the following song really helped me overcome my struggles as a teenager. This song came into my life at the perfect time. Every time I listen to this song, it reminds me that we do not have to let the negativity bring us down and most importantly, keep us down. Whenever somebody says or does something very hurtful towards us, we have a choice: we can let them keep us down or we can continue to get up and keep fighting for a better day. I know that this song is far from a Christian song (there is a curse word in the song), but this song has been an important song in my life.

No matter what comes into your life or however many times you fall down, I hope you continue to get back up, allowing the arms of the Healer to lift you up.

The Bigger Picture

“Disasters clarify our values, challenge our faith, and reveal who we really are. If we are rooted in the promises of Jesus, we can endure.”

-Erwin Lutzer, Where Was God?

I just finished Erwin Lutzer’s book, Where Was God? in which he addresses philosophical questions about how natural disasters fit in with the character of God.

If you’re “normal” like me and millions of other human beings on this earth, when we see natural disasters occurring around the world, we ask how a caring God can allow such things to happen.

I am not God so I do not know everything about why natural disasters happen, but what I do know is that disasters on every level on this earth can be used by God to teach us and to help us learn more about ourselves, the world and who God is.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” – Genesis 50:20 (NIV)

This verse was said by Joseph, who went through an entire series of very difficult events in his life. He was sold into slavery by his brothers, by his own family. Joseph continued to overcome obstacle after obstacle and by the grace of God, he came to be the second most important person under the Pharaoh.

This quote is what he said to his brothers. This verse has so much meaning to me and so many other people because so many times, we are hurt by other people. However, God truly can turn the most difficult things in our lives into blessings. I have encountered this in my own life.

When my family was evicted the summer before my senior year of high school, we quickly had to figure out where I would stay for the summer. The mother of a friend of mine at church helped me to get connected to a camp for children and adults with special needs. I also had been set up to go on a mission trip to build homes in the Appalachian area for people who needed them.

The day I found out we were evicted, I was so incredibly frustrated, so angry. How could God let this happen? Didn’t He care?

That summer will forever be etched in my memory as one of the best summers I have ever lived through. It was not easy, but it was so blessed. I fell in love with everyone I worked with at the camp. Many of the other camp counselors were from other countries and they asked me how I was volunteering as a camp counselor for free. I told them that I did not care about the money. Seeing smiles on the faces of the campers, receiving their hugs, and having a bed to sleep on with a roof over my head meant more than any money could give. Helping build a porch and working on a team of my peers and some adults from my church was more than I ever could have wished for that summer.

You really never know how God is going to use the obstacles in your life.

Growing up in a family that did not have a lot of money taught me that money is just a material thing that can be used to obtain material possessions. Our worth in this life is not defined by this material thing. Rather, I believe that most of the valuable things on earth are immaterial.

These immaterial things include our capacity to love, our capacity to care, our capacity to share the love of God, and our capacity to forgive those who have harmed us very deeply. Time is immaterial as well and without time, we would be nothing. Without God, we are nothing. Without God’s love, we are nothing.

Two of the most well-known and most used Scripture verses are the following:

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

-Romans 8:28 (KJV)

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

-Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

How many times have you just wished that you could snap your fingers and all your struggles could go away? All your illnesses would go away in a second? All your anger, your deep hurts and resentments would go away in a flash?

I sure have… But that is not what these verses are saying.

I am not saying that miraculous healings don’t occur. I fully believe that God has all the power in the world to take all the negative things out of our lives in a second.

So why does He not do that?

While I am not God, I can say from my experiences that going through the difficult times in my life truly helped me and continue to help me learn about God. The trials allow me to grow closer to Him and to truly see how His strength helps me through them.

Many people see the verses above and believe that once they believe in God and once they surrender their lives to Him that everything’s just going to magically be perfect.

I don’t believe that’s it.

I believe that when you truly trust God, love Him and communicate with Him on a deep level, it does not matter how much money you have, what kind of car you drive, how many children you have, how many friends you have… None of that matters, because you realize that God’s love is so much greater, so much deeper, so much wider, so much higher than all of that.

The trials that you and I face are seen through our eyes in the present time. A lot of times, I just feel so overwhelmed by the struggles in my life that I lose sight of the “bigger picture.”

If you’ve ever been on an airplane and looked out the window and seen the horizon with all the little houses and the little cars, you know what I mean by this bigger picture. We get so bogged down by daily chores and errands that we forget the bigger picture of life. We even may forget who holds our past, our present and our future.

We truly have nothing to fear even through the most difficult times, because God holds our lives, the lives of those around us, this world we call home and this universe we live in within His hands. All of it is within His ultimate control.

I want to leave you with a song that I have listened to many times lately and it got me through my recent hospitalizations.

Walked Among Us

"But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was on him,

    and by his wounds we are healed."

-Isaiah 53:5 (NIV)

How powerful are these words?

As I read these words earlier today, I was overcome with a feeling of understanding of this passage that I have read so many times that I have never felt before. During this season of Lent, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on Jesus and His death and resurrection.

As someone who has both sinned and been sinned against in awful ways, it is so powerful to think that a man, God in flesh, died so that I could be forgiven. That all of us could be forgiven.  I often struggled with this idea when I was in college learning about science and engineering.

I often thought to myself, How could one man die for all of our sins, every single person on earth, in the past, in the present and in the future? How is that physically possible? How can I mentally wrap my head around that?

Through my doubts and questions about this most important concept in Christianity, I have come to believe that we are not actually meant to fully understand it. God is not to be fully understood in this lifetime.

As it says in 2 Corinthians 5:7, "We walk by faith, not by sight."

Faith is something intangible and so is forgiveness. We surely can see forgiveness played out in our lives and the lives of those around us, but forgiveness in itself is intangible.

And what I do know is that forgiveness for our sins as well as those of the people around us is a very powerful thing.

After eating lunch with my mom earlier today, she and I sat and we started discussing a book that I had finished reading last week that she had just started reading. The conversation became very serious but it was one of the most healing conversations we have ever had. I asked some really difficult questions that I have held in my heart, mind and soul for so long. She knows that I still carry some anger towards her and in my own way, I am slowly coming to terms with the obstacles I have faced. I also am finding that God is using every opportunity to help me forgive those who have hurt me as well as forgive myself. As we spoke and then prayed, I felt like a huge weight came off my shoulders. My mom and I cried with each other. But this was different. The tears were not of pain as much as they were tears of relief. I will never fully understand my childhood and all the challenges I faced as I grew up and still struggle with today.

There are so many questions that flow through our minds all the time that most likely will not get answered during our lifetime. However, we have the opportunity to believe that we are forgiven and that God can help us to forgive those who have hurt us deeply. He can also help us forgive ourselves.

I often find that it is more challenging to forgive myself than to forgive others. It's easier for me to make excuses for others than myself. The truth is that we all are forgiven by God and He yearns to show His grace and mercy in our lives.

No matter what sins you have committed or what sins were committed against you, I hope that you realize the power in the words above. Jesus came to live among us, to fully understand our temptations to sin, and to be crushed, mocked, beaten, abused, laughed at, and ultimately killed so that we would know that he understands our struggles.

It is so powerful to have a God who is so close to us, not just some man in the sky. God is so much more than that. He is both distant and near. It is so powerful to have a God who relates to us on so many levels. He could have come down to earth and lived a perfect life and died a natural death.

But He didn't.

He walked among us and He walks with us each day. He is within us through the Holy Spirit. He is all around us. He is in the people around us.

We all have pain. We all have struggles. It does not matter who or what you believe in. We all have obstacles that we have to deal with and overcome during our lifetime.

I forget where I saw this but I recently read that there is absolutely nothing that we are faced with in this world that Jesus did not go through or that He cannot relate to. That, to me, is so powerful. So wonderful. So amazing. We serve a real, authentic and genuine God. 

Personally, it feels so good to know that God truly and deeply knows what I am going through. He is all-powerful and all-knowing, yet He cares about us so much that He hurts deeply for us when we are in pain. God did not just create human beings. He knows what it is like to be a human being.

Through the struggles and obstacles you face, I hope that you never forget that no matter how alone you feel, we are never alone in the fight.

I want to end this post with a song that I listened to hundreds of times as a teenager when I felt alone when I was being neglected. The words of this song are so powerful and I pray and hope you are as blessed as I have been by this song.

Drawing Strength from Others

I have been reading and learning so much about God lately that often I find it incredibly difficult to choose one thing that I want to blog about. I could write about everything but nobody would read my posts if they were longer than they already are. I came across this quote earlier today and it spoke very clearly to me ...

"Even Jesus needed to draw strength that comes from those who knew Him the best and accepted Him without great expectations.”
-Dr. Erwin Lutzer and Rebecca Lutzer, Jesus Lover of a Woman’s Soul, pg. 120

Lately, it has been very difficult to ask for help and create a support network since I moved here in August. I am not sure if it is the fact that I moved very far from the majority of people I have ever known. It could be, but I think it is something that runs deeper.

Sometimes it is so often difficult to ask for help, because we do not want to be a burden. I find that sometimes I share some of the issues I deal with and I feel as if I am a huge problem. It’s not even my problems that are the problem anymore. I am the problem.

As humans, however, we are not meant to be alone. We cannot survive alone. Maybe for a few days or even months, but not an entire lifetime. God created all of us so that we can support and walk through this life together.

Isn’t it awesome to think that our Creator, our God, the One who created this universe, even needed support and help in His ministry and during his time here on earth?

Sometimes when you ask for help, you are not the only one who is blessed. More often than not, everyone in the situation is blessed.

I have been without a car for over six years. At first, it was incredibly frustrating having to rely on other people to get to different things all the time and to figure out the bus and train routes to various destinations. It took a ton of humility and strength to call and ask people to drive me. It was awkward to be so dependent on others. However, I was able to form incredibly strong relationships with those who drove me to church or my medical appointments. They are still very close to me to this day.

In our society, we are so often taught that we are individuals and it is weak to ask for help. Even more true for men. We are taught to be 100% self-sufficient and that if you ask for help, it automatically means you are weak. No wonder men do not like to ask for directions.

But asking for help, support and prayers does not make us weak. I think it shows a huge amount of strength and courage.

Even Jesus asked for help. His ministry would not have been what it is without the help of the men and the women who followed Him and ultimately carried His story throughout the world. All of the people who still reach out and carry His message throughout the world play a huge role in His ministry today.

We cannot get through the struggles and our obstacles alone. We are not meant to. When I have isolated myself, my depression and anxiety almost always has gotten worse. The only healthy isolation I believe that we can have as humans is time in the full presence of God, alone. To me, that means spending several hours outside at the lake reading Scripture and books about the Christian faith. No music. Nothing but me and God.

It is often in the times that we reach out for help from others that we realize that we are not alone in our obstacles. That realization in itself can feel like a large part of the weight we carry on our shoulders is being lifted.

One of my favorite poems of all time is Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson. I quoted it last week when I was in the hospital. The entire poem is extremely powerful, but these lines particularly have been going through my head a lot lately.

“As we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people

permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson

As we share the deep, dark things that hurt us and give us pain and stress, we undoubtedly help others in the process. In our darkest times, we see the light of God. I have seen that light all throughout my life and that is why I have been so adamant about sharing what God has done in my life. We are called to share the light of God to every part of this earth, just as we are called to be there for each other, in the good, the bad and the incredibly ugly moments in life.

I will leave you with a song that has been on replay for the past month or so…

The Twenty Dollar Bill

“First, [Mary Magdalene] was clean: the inner emotional turbulence had ended, and her tormented soul was at peace. Second she was given the gift of dignity and value. After years of hopelessness, she found someone who could free her. Someone who saw in her something worth saving, redeeming and loving…the weight of the world had been lifted from her fragile shoulders. It no longer mattered what others thought of her.” 

–Dr. Erwin Lutzer and Rebecca Lutzer, Jesus Lover of a Woman’s Soul

I read this quote earlier today as I sat at the lake. As I read these words, it really became apparent that God is doing this very same thing in my life. I often struggle with feeling not worth enough, not good enough, not this enough, and not that enough. In the process of trying to “fit in” with the people around me, sometimes my insecurity gets the best of me and I may boast about something that I did or do well.

But God loves humility. Think about it. Think about how different our world would be if Jesus had been all prideful and went around boasting about how many people he had healed or how many miracles he had performed.

As I have said in previous blogs, this Lent has been a journey in ridding myself of pride and the insecurities that lead me to be prideful. I know I have hurt many people in the process of trying to make myself feel less insecure. Each day, God is teaching me more and more about Himself . How powerful HE is. How gracious HE is. How loving HE is. How wonderful HE is.

This life is not all about us. It is about making some difference in the world we live in. This world we have been blessed to live on. And yeah… it is difficult.

I spent the past 9 days or so in a hospital and I cannot describe how blessed I feel to be alive… not only alive but that I can walk, talk, eat, run, read, write, draw, take photographs. I even have a smartphone! I am blessed beyond belief by God. People say I have a very difficult life, but there are people who have it much worse. This life is not easy and all of us deal with our own obstacles, but we have a God who is so much bigger than any of the obstacles we deal with here on earth.

A reason I really liked the quote above was that it broke what Jesus did for Mary Magdalene into two parts: cleansing/refreshing and the gift of dignity and value.

I personally struggle sometimes to feel worth it. Deep inside, I do not feel clean. I do not feel worthy of God’s love, especially because of all the mistakes I have made. It’s in those times that I remind myself that God forgives me. He already did. And He does. I believe that sometimes the most difficult forgiveness is actually forgiving myself.

The second part- the gift of dignity and value- is also something that I struggle with. So often I try to find my value in how other people view me. Do they like me? What do they think of me after that? Did I say the wrong thing? What do they think of me now?

Put simply, our greatest worth is found in God. I am God’s child. You are God’s child. We all have worth more powerful than any material possession we can find here on earth. The closer I feel to God, the less I care about what other people think of me, because God’s love is so much bigger, so beyond anything else on this earth that it fulfills me to the core. No matter what I’ve done, no matter what others have done to me, He loves me and always will. And that goes for you as well.

I’d like to end this post with something I heard many years ago at CreationFest, a festival with Christian music and speakers.

The speaker, who I cannot remember right now, held up a twenty dollar bill. He spat on it, crumpled it up, threw it on the ground, and moved his foot all over it, stomping on it and kicking it around. He then held it up and asked how much the bill was worth. The answer was that it was still worth twenty dollars.

That powerful illustration still encourages me to this day, because I (as well as so many) have felt spat on, crumpled up, thrown out and kicked around. I have had moments of being used, abused and taken advantage of.

But do those moments change how much you or I are worth to God and worth to this world?

Not at all.

When you find your worth in God, it truly does not matter how much money is in your bank account, if you have the perfect shirt or pants, or the perfect face. Because when you find your worth in God, you realize how precious and how fearfully and wonderfully created you really are.

Listen to God, because He always says, “You are worth it. You are my precious child. Nothing in this world, absolutely nothing can ever or will ever take away your worth. Find your dignity and value in me, not the things of this world.”

Trust is a Five Letter Word

I wrote this "essay" on trust a few days ago during my ninth hospitalization. I was frustrated with quite a few people and I find that writing helps me to process things. I shared this with others in the hospital and they each got something very important out of it so I really felt called to share this with those who read this blog.

Trust is a five-letter world. Yet it is also one of the most difficult concepts in humanity. It is something so difficult, so convoluted but only five letters. To trust someone- or any aspect in our society- is to trust ourselves to make the right decisions. Although it is only a word, the concept of trusting someone is so difficult to comprehend and almost beyond impossible to follow through or act upon. As a child, you trust those around you to take care of you, to have your best interests at heart. In the hospital, you trust doctors to treat you well and to take the time to listen and to help you become better, healthier- to bring you out of whatever sickness or state that brought you there.

But people will fail. People will betray you. People will doubt the vey part of you that wants to be heard, understood- that voice waiting to emerge amidst all of the chaos and confusion. Slowly, you emerge- that voice emerges- and each day you take one step towards the truth. You take one step forward and then another. Others may not fully understand but they do not have to. You just want to move forward. You want to spread light and love to every crevice, every hole in the world.  You want to show love- not anger nor hate- just love. You want to spread the love of God.

What is the only thing in this world that can shine and truly fill the crevices and the holes in our lives, in those deep, dark places in our world and within our souls?

God. The love of God. The love that is God. The unconditional love. The love that shines even when you make inevitable mistakes. The love that shines even in the darkest pits.

There truly is no area, no space, nothing in our world that has never felt this love.

You ask why is there hate?

Why are there natural disasters?

Why are there wars?

Why are there so many negative things, so many negative events in our world?

I cannot explain that because I am just one person. One little person in a world with a sea of people. This world may not make sense and that is the point. We were not created to understand all of the negativity and evil on earth. We were created to love each other and to find some meaning for why God brought us to this earth. Why He chose you, me- all of us. We each have so much to offer the world- so much meaning. Only God can explain our meaning and the truth that is in each of us. There is more meaning in each of us than we can see here.

Our meaning is so far beyond comprehension- no human mind can even come close to understanding our meaning. We can study all the neurons, the cells in our bodies, the atoms which make up everything we see and do not see. We will spend eons and centuries trying to understand ourselves and God, but we simply cannot.

In the process of trying to understand and to be understood, we become even more confused. Our lives become more chaotic- a stream of subconscious mixed with conscious, darkness mixed with light, despair mixed with hope. Only God can bring some clarity to our minds flooded with the confusion. Only God and who He is can bring light to the chaotic mind flooded with both negative thoughts and positive thoughts.

The dichotomy of good and evil. That battle. It is not ours to fights. With God, good overcomes with confusion. That dark hole filled with a swirl of good and evil. We cannot understand and we will not understand. We cannot answer the questions of why, how, when, where. The answer lies in God. It is He who helps alleviate the confusion. Takes the clouds away and brings the sunlight of a new morning.