Evolution of Masks

Many of you know that I am currently in an outpatient mental health program. Yesterday, I asked for a prompt for art therapy that I could work on over the weekend. I love expressing myself with pastels, painting, and color pencils.

The prompt that I was given was this: Draw a mask.

I have done more than that and have enjoyed working on this project.

This is the first mask picture I drew:

In this drawing, it looks as if the eyes are tired, and yesterday afternoon, I was exhausted from going to program every day. I felt drained yesterday. The mouth of this mask is neither happy nor sad, exactly how I felt. However, the mouth was not my mouth, it was the mask's. Sometimes I feel as though I do not have a voice. I often feel that I do not fully let everyone see who is behind the mask. The mask is dark on one side and fairly light on the other side. This represents the dichotomous nature of my mental illnesses and life in general.

This is the first picture I painted this morning.

In this picture, there is a lot less darkness. That's because when I drew this I only had a few flashbacks and no nightmares. There is no mouth on this mask. I feel that the viewer can sense what is going on in this piece without anything explicit or elusive. In the middle of the mask, there are swirls of black and some light colors in the back. This is representative of how I feel myself becoming whole and more light. Overall, the swirls of darkness are not so overwhelming. The background resembles the fact that I am slowly coming back to the present without having paranoia, psychosis, hallucinations, etc. The eyes are very dark, which is supposed to reflect that at this stage, I am scared to let people see all of me.

This was my second art piece this morning.

This is a great departure from my first two paintings. The broad spectrum of colors represents the fact that I feel a mixture of feelings. The colors on the mask almost fit together with the external colors. I am feeling that my feelings inside are being validated by those around me. They tell me I am allowed to feel that range of emotions. I am starting to let people "in" so they can understand me further. It is important to note that there is no smile on this mask, because I believe that the viewer can understand where I am emotionally at this point without blatantly saying it on the painting.

This is the third painting I drew this morning:

This painting, again, is a departure from the last few. There is almost no darkness in this painting. It is important to note that this painting was drawn right after going for a 2-mile run. The external area depicts a peaceful scene of nature, with the sun, a clear blue sky, grassy field and three flowers.  My emotions are definitely matched with my internal emotions. I feel renewed, inspired, and awake, as seen in the mask. I am reminded that there is a light within me that can conquer any darkness. The flowers represent my growth and transformation. My mouth is open, meaning that I feel like I have an important voice. Running helps me to feel strong and empowered. I feel close to God.

Finally, this is my fourth painting this morning.

This painting most represents how I feel in general these days. The mask is breaking and I am finding my voice again. I have learned a lot about myself and how much light there is inside of me. I love the power in this painting, shown through the colors and the fact that the viewer can begin to see my face. The colors outside are supposed to represent the people who have helped me and encouraged me through all of the difficult times with my mental illnesses. I feel that it is okay and safe to get rid of any mask I may put on. There are people who care about and understand me. I am very strong now and I feel that I can conquer anything set before me.