Monumental Milestone

I struggle with paranoia and psychosis at times. I struggle with these symptoms from time to time.

Over a year ago, I went to a church that would be the last service I had been to.

I was disappointed greatly with that church.

During my last service there, I kept leaving the sanctuary to check if the FBI was outside. I felt no support with my symptoms. Nobody asked me how I was doing. Nobody came up to me even though I was distraught and confused. My paranoia was too difficult to deal with so I left the church and said I was never going to go back there or no other church in general.

It is very difficult to be symptomatic in church because I felt judged by the fact that I kept leaving. I assume they thought I was rude or I did not hear the sermon because I did not want to.

Trust me, I wanted to be a part of the worship time. But my paranoia did not let that happen. I heard people laughing at me.

Welcome to a year and a half later...

I was praying God to lead me to a church. I am one to believe that you can go to church every day of your life and be a minister everywhere you go through your loving kindness to those around you.Church can happen anywhere or anytime. Church is a place to find support in your walk with Christ. However, there is nothing saying that you have to go to church to be Christian.

I went to church this morning for the first time in over a year. I had no paranoia and minimal anxiety. The congregation was fairly small, which helped with my symptoms. I got to the church and a nice lady helped me find the door to get in. I was introduced to quite a few people. The nature was very kind and loving.

Granted, I did not tell anybody at the church about my chronic mental illnesses. I did not feel the need to since I felt so at home being there. I did not tell anybody there that it had been over a year since I went to a church service.

For me, it was a monumental milestone.