In creating this blog a few years ago, I promised that it would be an honest portrayal of what it means to have mental illness, as I struggle with schizoaffective disorder and PTSD.
Like all of us human beings in this world, we encounter troubling times and things that really hurt us.
Last week, I felt all the above. Every day last week, I dealt with difficult symptoms of paranoia and PTSD. Even when I think back to last week, I feel the hurt, the pain, the fear. I was and am terrified.
I WANT IT GONE!
Last week, I also had a kind of flashback I have never encountered before. When I was in it, I could not talk. I was hyperventilating. It was one of (if not) the scariest and deepest flashback I have ever felt.
At some points this week, I voiced to people that I am sick of this and cannot take it anymore. Even though I say things like that every so often, I always feel God's presence so I move forward.
Today, I am at a scale 2/10, 1 no flashbacks/paranoia, 10 all the time. Earlier this week I was at 15/10.
No matter how hard life is, it is always worth it to live.
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